For New Grandparents

What New Grandparents Need to Know

Ten Suggestions for Grandparents-to-be

By Susan Adcox, About.com Guide

Your career as a grandparent begins even before your grandchild is born. From the moment when you get the good news, your actions and reactions matter. These ten suggestions for new grandparents will earn you the gratitude of the expectant parents and pave the way for a great relationship with your grandchild.

Smile when you get the news. When the expectant parents share the good news with you, act pleased, even if you are concerned about issues such as finances. Be sure to inquire before telling anyone else, and let the parents be the ones to tell close friends and relatives. If the couple would like to wait a bit before announcing the news to others, respect their wishes and don’t tell their secret.

Let them do it their way. The expectant parents may choose a home birth when you would have opted for a hospital, or decide not to invite anyone into the delivery room when you were hoping to be present. No matter how you feel about their choices, don’t question them. Your future relationship with your child and your grandchild may depend upon your being supportive of their decisions.

Emphasize the positive. Tell funny and sweet stories about your experiences with your own babies. Stories about his or her own babyhood will probably especially interest the expectant parent. Never tell horror stories about your birthing experiences.

Be understanding of the mother-to-be. Expectant mothers are often very centered on what is happening with their bodies and their lives. If your daughter or daughter-in-law seems uninterested in your activities and thoughts, accept that this is a natural stage. She will regain her interest in the wider world some time after she gives birth. After the birth, be alert for signs of post-partum depression or any persistent sadness.

Go easy on the shopping. Pick up a few minor things and gauge the reaction. Some expectant parents welcome all contributions; others would prefer to make most of the choices about clothing and equipment themselves. For the latter type, a baby registry at the local baby store or a wish list posted online is a good option. If there is going to be a baby shower, work with the parents to make it fun and successful.

Hold off on major decisions. Don’t make dramatic changes in your own life in anticipation of being a grandparent. Don’t quit your job or plan to move until you see how much you are going to be needed and wanted in your grandchild’s life. Don't agree to provide full-time child care without considering the decision carefully.

Do help out, but don’t overdo it. Especially at the end of the pregnancy and right after the birth, the new parents will need some assistance, but don’t do too much. The mother or father who comes for a visit and insists on working the whole time is sending a message to the expectant parents that they can’t adequately take care of their own needs.

Put doubts about the spouse on hold. If you have misgivings about your son or daughter’s mate, try to overcome them. That person is going to be your grandchild’s parent. Give the spouse a chance to prove his or her worthiness in this new role.

Be prepared to share. Remember that in most families there is another set of grandparents (and sometimes two or three sets!). If you’ve not been sociable with the other family, you might want to plan a social occasion to get to know them better before the new baby arrives. Use diplomacy in handling possible conflicts over grandparent names. Communicate with the other grandparents to coordinate visits. A little planning and discussion before the birth will keep the new parents from being overrun with grandparents immediately after the birth.

Make peace with your ex. If you are divorced from your child’s father or mother, you may need to prepare to share grandparenting honors with your ex. This potentially ticklish situation can go smoothly if you plan ahead and prepare yourself mentally. You will probably have to be in each other’s presence upon occasions such as the grandchild’s birthday, so why not start by being cordial before the birth?

My Thoughts

Did you notice the first two words in the article? "Your career".  Grandparenting is serious business and the tips in these articles appear to be useful.  Two things stood out (for me):  be supportive but back-off.  Know when you're needed and when you're not.  Know when to be there and when to make yourself scarce.

Honestly, I still can't relate.  But I do have very fond memories of my own grandparents.  So, I guess, when the time comes I'd find myself enjoying the new role - or the new career.

How to Discipline a Teenager

Discipline: Logical and Natural Consequences

Consequences in Discipline with Teens

By Denise Witmer, About.com Guide

Teens learn about consequences in childhood, from the day they were born. Consequences are outcomes - negative or positive - of a person's action. By their nature, they gauge our behavior because we as humans strive for positive outcomes or consequences or we try our best to avoid negative outcomes and behaviors. When dealing with discipline and teens, there are two types of consequences that you'll need to be concerned with: natural and logical. Both of these types can be positive or negative. To help you get a handle of what each type means, I'll define them and give both a positive and negative example.

Natural consequences occur naturally, hence the name. They are not controlled or manipulated by anyone, they simply just happen but are not always a surprise. When you plant a flower in your garden and take care of it, it grows. That is a positive example of natural consequences. When you put your finger in an electric socket, you get a shock. That is an example of negative natural consequences. Note that natural consequences happen whether you know what the outcome will be or not and you cannot control what the outcome will be.

Logical consequences are situations engineered by the person in authority and they are logically connected to the wrong. It is logical because it "fits" the offense. For example, if your teen breaks curfew, they aren't allowed out the next night or you can tighten the curfew by making it one hour earlier. If they don't eat dinner, they don't get dessert. These are examples of negative logical consequences. Setting up a reward system for good grades and giving the reward when the grade is obtained is an example of a positive logical consequence.

Deciding Between Natural or Logical Consequences

When parents want their children to learn from their mistakes, they have the choice of allowing the child to deal with the natural consequences or set up logical consequences. But how do you choose between the two types of consequences? When is one more effective than the other?
When natural consequences are immediate they are very effective. If your teen touches a hot pot, they will get burned and is not likely to do that again. Many times, however, natural consequences are not immediate or are too dangerous to allow. Running into the street without looking does not always have immediate consequences. Either does not wearing a seat belt when driving. Both actions, though, could have dire natural consequences in the future that no one wants. Therefore, the natural consequences aren't what a parent should use to teach their teen the responsibility of their own safety and it is up to the parents to sort out a logical consequence that will promote the desired behavior - in this instance not running into the street without looking or wearing a seat belt.

Another instance of when logical consequences will be more effective than natural consequences is while your teen is getting a high school education. The benefits of good grades in school are so far off into the future that teens do not fully comprehend them, if they pay attention to them at all. While your teen can repeat what they have been told: 'good grades will get you into a good college and you'll make more money', until they see the type of job or paycheck a college education can get, they will not understand the difference. Logical consequences, including rewards for good grades and privileges taken for poor grades work best as your teen can fully understand these.

There are times when the natural consequence is the better choice for the parent to make. One excellent example is when your teen is dating or making friends. Finding out what type of person your teen wants to be with and how your teen wants to be treated is going to be their choice. Dating or making friends with someone who isn't their type is going to show that to them. Barring any mistreatment from a friend or a date, parents will need to hold their tongue and refrain from giving their opinions in order to let the natural consequences - positive or negative - happen.
Discipline choices are never easy. Hopefully knowing the difference between natural and logical consequences will help you make the right choices for you and your teen. For more, read about clear communication in discipline here.

My Thoughts

I look back at my teen years and I know how hard hard it is for parents. To strike a balance between freedom and discipline is never easy. 

I look at the teenagers in the family and I can see that there's really not much difference between what they are going through now and what we went through years ago.  It's the same banana.  Only, this time, parent have more resources to explore and utilize.  There's the web full of articles on parenting.  There are books.  There are seminars.

I feel sad when I still see parents today who deal with their teenagers in much the same way our parents dealt with us.  It doesn't have to be hit and miss now.  Parenting can be learned.  The consequences of not learning can be awfully damaging.  It's going to be harder to make repairs.