The Handwriting On The Wall
Sometimes in the chaos, challenges and inconveniences in our lives, it is possible to miss the smallest message with the biggest impact! The following poem can remind us to look for the messages, not the messes, on the wall.
The Handwriting On The Wall
A weary mother returned from the store, lugging groceries through the kitchen door. Awaiting her arrival was her 8 year old son, anxious to relate what his younger brother had done.
"While I was out playing and Dad was on a call, T.J. took his crayons and wrote on the wall! It's on the new paper you just hung in the den. I told him you'd be mad at having to do it again."
She let out a moan and furrowed her brow, "Where is your little brother right now?" She emptied her arms and with a purposeful stride she marched to his closet where he had gone to hide.
She called his full name as she entered his room. He trembled with fear -- he knew that meant doom! For the next ten minutes, she ranted and raved about the expensive wallpaper.
Lamenting all the work it would take to repair. She condemned his actions and total lack of care. The more she scolded, the madder she got, Then stomped from his room, totally distraught!
She headed for the den to confirm her fears. When she saw the wall, her eyes flooded with tears. The message she read pierced her soul with a dart. It said, "I love Mommy," surrounded by a heart.
Well, the wallpaper remained, just as she found it, with an empty picture frame hung to surround it. A reminder to her, and indeed to all, "Take time to read the handwriting on the wall."
Author unknown
Affirmation for the Week:
"When I am calm and attentive, I am able to receive the powerful messages in my life!"
Have a listening, attentive week!
Mary Rau-Foster
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Mary's book "Motivating Moments" makes a great gift for you, your family and your friends. This 211 page book, with illustrations, is a guaranteed morale booster, as well as thought provoking and inspirational. To learn more and to order online, visit www.motivatingmomentsbook.com or www.workplaceissues.com/motivatingmomentsbook.htm
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If you like the Monday Motivating Moment (MMM), please feel free to forward this email to one or two of your friends and business associates. Thanks so much! If someone forwarded this email to you, you can sign-up for your own free weekly copy at www.workplaceissues.com/mmmotivator.htm
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Copyright 2011 by Mary Rau-Foster. All rights reserved. However, if you find this information helpful, we grant you permission, and strongly encourage you, to print this page and put it on your bulletin board. Thank you.
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Mary Rau-Foster www.workplaceissues.com
Fostering great communication and cooperation in the workplace.
Foster Seminars and Communications LLC, Brentwood TN 37027 USA
MY THOUGHTS
Last Sunday's message at Christ's Commission Fellowship was about building relationships within families. It talked about 3 Cs - connect, communicate, compliment. Connecting is spending time with your kids-doing things that they want to do, eating (with them) food that they want to eat. Communicating is all about global listening-hearing even the things that are not said. Complimenting is, quite obviously, building-up rather than finding fault. Sounds easy. But it isn't. Especially when you can't make yourself calm and attentive.
Monday, May 30, 2011
Sunday, April 17, 2011
HEY MOM! TIME TO GET UP
Q&A - How Can I Become a Punctual Person?
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D
Published December 11, 2008
Q: I am 33 years old and have a 3-year-old son. I cannot get up in the mornings, I’m always late and I procrastinate all the time. I need to find motivation. Do you know of a good plan that might help? Do you think this could be hereditary? I need to break the cycle!
-Audra B.
A: Hi Audra,
I remember this issue very well with my younger brother when we were growing up. He didn’t like getting up early either, and as a result, it always created stress and chaos in our daily morning departure to school. My mother used to recite that old motivational phrase in a constant attempt to change his behavior: The early bird gets the worm. Unfortunately, my brother didn’t like worms, so that motivation didn’t seem to get the job done. As was the case with my brother, Audra, my guess is this has nothing to do with your DNA. You say that you can’t get up in the mornings, and I’m willing to bet that it’s more likely you won’t get up in the mornings. I believe the cause is habit, and it can definitely be changed!
First, I suggest you see your doctor to eliminate any physical reasons, but as I said earlier, I think this is more of a bad habit than anything else. With that said, I do have “a plan” for you to try that just may do the trick. I suggest you read This Kitchen Is Under New Management, a concept I developed. Even though the article is directed at weight loss, it will help you understand the basic premise of my suggestion. In short, you need a new manager running your morning wake-up program because the old manager just isn’t getting the job done. If you can perform the mental gymnastics necessary to give this imagery idea a real try, I think you will find a responsible woman inside you who understands the importance of getting up early and being on time. You will also create more calm in your morning routine and provide a valuable life lesson about change and responsibility for your son in the process! And if I do say so myself, at 33, it’s about time!
Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
www.innerdiet.com
Got a question? Ask Dr. Sklare
MY THOUGHTS
Exactly! It's just a bad habit. A very bad habit. Especially if you're a mom and you have kids depending on you.
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D
Published December 11, 2008
Q: I am 33 years old and have a 3-year-old son. I cannot get up in the mornings, I’m always late and I procrastinate all the time. I need to find motivation. Do you know of a good plan that might help? Do you think this could be hereditary? I need to break the cycle!
-Audra B.
A: Hi Audra,
I remember this issue very well with my younger brother when we were growing up. He didn’t like getting up early either, and as a result, it always created stress and chaos in our daily morning departure to school. My mother used to recite that old motivational phrase in a constant attempt to change his behavior: The early bird gets the worm. Unfortunately, my brother didn’t like worms, so that motivation didn’t seem to get the job done. As was the case with my brother, Audra, my guess is this has nothing to do with your DNA. You say that you can’t get up in the mornings, and I’m willing to bet that it’s more likely you won’t get up in the mornings. I believe the cause is habit, and it can definitely be changed!
First, I suggest you see your doctor to eliminate any physical reasons, but as I said earlier, I think this is more of a bad habit than anything else. With that said, I do have “a plan” for you to try that just may do the trick. I suggest you read This Kitchen Is Under New Management, a concept I developed. Even though the article is directed at weight loss, it will help you understand the basic premise of my suggestion. In short, you need a new manager running your morning wake-up program because the old manager just isn’t getting the job done. If you can perform the mental gymnastics necessary to give this imagery idea a real try, I think you will find a responsible woman inside you who understands the importance of getting up early and being on time. You will also create more calm in your morning routine and provide a valuable life lesson about change and responsibility for your son in the process! And if I do say so myself, at 33, it’s about time!
Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
www.innerdiet.com
Got a question? Ask Dr. Sklare
MY THOUGHTS
Exactly! It's just a bad habit. A very bad habit. Especially if you're a mom and you have kids depending on you.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
THIS FAMILY IS UNDER NEW MANAGEMENT
This Kitchen Is Under New Management
Daily Inspiration
John H. Sklare, Ed.D
Published December 13, 2005
For those of you who are working to create a healthier life and fitter body, the challenges are many. But the challenge becomes even more difficult if you happen to live in a house where you are also the one who is responsible for preparing the meals. Particularly if you happen to be a parent and your family doesn’t share your desire for low-fat cooking and healthier living. So, if you are looking for a healthier lifestyle for you and you want to bring your family along for the ride, I have a suggestion that will help you put them on notice!
Sit them all down and tell them that you are going to be changing a few things around here. Let them know that you are going to be cooking healthy foods for them because you love them and care about the entire family’s health. And, since you are in charge of preparing meals, you are going to start taking the responsibility more seriously. Put a sign in your kitchen that reads, “This Kitchen Is Under New Management,” and start taking charge in your house when it comes to healthy living. Show them the way today and they will all thank you later!
Wishing You Great Health!
Dr. John H. Sklare
MY THOUGHTS
It's your kitchen. Your family. You have every right (and responsibility) to manage it. And manage it well. Maybe you should change the sign to "This Family is Under New Management".
Daily Inspiration
John H. Sklare, Ed.D
Published December 13, 2005
For those of you who are working to create a healthier life and fitter body, the challenges are many. But the challenge becomes even more difficult if you happen to live in a house where you are also the one who is responsible for preparing the meals. Particularly if you happen to be a parent and your family doesn’t share your desire for low-fat cooking and healthier living. So, if you are looking for a healthier lifestyle for you and you want to bring your family along for the ride, I have a suggestion that will help you put them on notice!
Sit them all down and tell them that you are going to be changing a few things around here. Let them know that you are going to be cooking healthy foods for them because you love them and care about the entire family’s health. And, since you are in charge of preparing meals, you are going to start taking the responsibility more seriously. Put a sign in your kitchen that reads, “This Kitchen Is Under New Management,” and start taking charge in your house when it comes to healthy living. Show them the way today and they will all thank you later!
Wishing You Great Health!
Dr. John H. Sklare
MY THOUGHTS
It's your kitchen. Your family. You have every right (and responsibility) to manage it. And manage it well. Maybe you should change the sign to "This Family is Under New Management".
Monday, February 28, 2011
HOW TO TEACH KIDS TABLE MANNERS
Etiquette and Kids: How To Teach Good Table Manners
By Stacey Bradford | Jan 31, 2011
I’m embarrassed to admit this but my daughter has atrocious table manners. She can’t sit still for more than a few minutes. Not so long ago, she even went through a doggie phase where she pretended that she was a puppy and ate her meals at our feet. Now that my little girl is officially five-years-old, I’ve decided this behavior must stop.
How do I transform my jumping bean into a well-mannered young lady? In the past I probably would have thrown some money at the problem and enrolled her in etiquette classes. Here in New York City that costs around $200 for four hours of training. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned over the past five years it’s that cash rarely solves problems when the real issues stem from a lack of firm parenting.
So I decided to call Cindy Post Senning, an etiquette expert with The Emily Post Institute, for some guidance on table manners. I wanted to know what I can realistically expect from a five-year-old and what tips she could provide me on how to teach young children to behave properly during meals. Here’s her advice:
Table Manners 101
Believe it or not, by the time a child reaches the age of five he should be able to sit at the table for 20 to 30 minutes, participate in dinner conversation, hold his utensils properly and chew with his mouth closed, says Senning.
Wow, I didn’t realize just how refined a five-year-old can be. Now the question is how I go about changing my child’s mealtime habits to be more inline with other young children’s manners. According to Senning, I should simply explain that the time has come to learn proper table etiquette. Then, since kids like rewards, I should consider offering a small bribe. In my daughter’s case, Senning recommends telling my little girl that once she can sit at the table for 25 minutes she can have her best friend over for dinner. To jump start the process, I may even up the ante and offer a real tea party.
During the transformation period, I think it’s important to set some realistic expectations for your child. I told my daughter, for example, that we will start off with her sitting at the table for 10 minutes and slowly work our way up to half an hour. Then once she is no longer walking around the house during dinner, I can start refining some of her other habits.
Senning also believes table manners are best taught when families eat together. But that doesn’t mean that you must have a formal dinner every night. A handful of group meals throughout a week should be enough to cement some good habits.
Finally, parents need to make an effort and engage their kids during dinner. While you don’t have to converse about super heroes and princesses, it would be helpful to ask about school or what happened at the playground. (Asking what made your child laugh at circle time is always a good conversation starter.) Mothers and fathers should also share something about their day, but they need to make sure to explain the details in a way little ones can understand.
Table manners, of course, are more complex than just sitting through dinner and learning to chew with one’s mouth closed. So I have to admit that there may come a time when I do invest in etiquette lessons. But I think that day won’t come until my little girl is in high school. In the meantime, I’ll try my best to lead by example and make sure to keep a copy of Emily Post’s Table Manners for Kids handy.
MY THOUGHTS
may i add that TV should be banned during mealtimes. mealtimes are the best times for nice, easy conversations with the kids. and if you're training them on table manners, i don't think TV will help.
By Stacey Bradford | Jan 31, 2011
I’m embarrassed to admit this but my daughter has atrocious table manners. She can’t sit still for more than a few minutes. Not so long ago, she even went through a doggie phase where she pretended that she was a puppy and ate her meals at our feet. Now that my little girl is officially five-years-old, I’ve decided this behavior must stop.
How do I transform my jumping bean into a well-mannered young lady? In the past I probably would have thrown some money at the problem and enrolled her in etiquette classes. Here in New York City that costs around $200 for four hours of training. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned over the past five years it’s that cash rarely solves problems when the real issues stem from a lack of firm parenting.
So I decided to call Cindy Post Senning, an etiquette expert with The Emily Post Institute, for some guidance on table manners. I wanted to know what I can realistically expect from a five-year-old and what tips she could provide me on how to teach young children to behave properly during meals. Here’s her advice:
Table Manners 101
Believe it or not, by the time a child reaches the age of five he should be able to sit at the table for 20 to 30 minutes, participate in dinner conversation, hold his utensils properly and chew with his mouth closed, says Senning.
Wow, I didn’t realize just how refined a five-year-old can be. Now the question is how I go about changing my child’s mealtime habits to be more inline with other young children’s manners. According to Senning, I should simply explain that the time has come to learn proper table etiquette. Then, since kids like rewards, I should consider offering a small bribe. In my daughter’s case, Senning recommends telling my little girl that once she can sit at the table for 25 minutes she can have her best friend over for dinner. To jump start the process, I may even up the ante and offer a real tea party.
During the transformation period, I think it’s important to set some realistic expectations for your child. I told my daughter, for example, that we will start off with her sitting at the table for 10 minutes and slowly work our way up to half an hour. Then once she is no longer walking around the house during dinner, I can start refining some of her other habits.
Senning also believes table manners are best taught when families eat together. But that doesn’t mean that you must have a formal dinner every night. A handful of group meals throughout a week should be enough to cement some good habits.
Finally, parents need to make an effort and engage their kids during dinner. While you don’t have to converse about super heroes and princesses, it would be helpful to ask about school or what happened at the playground. (Asking what made your child laugh at circle time is always a good conversation starter.) Mothers and fathers should also share something about their day, but they need to make sure to explain the details in a way little ones can understand.
Table manners, of course, are more complex than just sitting through dinner and learning to chew with one’s mouth closed. So I have to admit that there may come a time when I do invest in etiquette lessons. But I think that day won’t come until my little girl is in high school. In the meantime, I’ll try my best to lead by example and make sure to keep a copy of Emily Post’s Table Manners for Kids handy.
MY THOUGHTS
may i add that TV should be banned during mealtimes. mealtimes are the best times for nice, easy conversations with the kids. and if you're training them on table manners, i don't think TV will help.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
AN ALTERNATIVE TO NAGGING
GIVING TIMELY FEEDBACK (An alternative to 'NAGGING")
from the aricle "How to Give Feedback That Works"
By Kimberly Weisul | February 11, 2011
Every manager (and parent) knows that constructive feedback is key to improving performance. But what makes the feedback most effective? It turns out timing is almost everything.
Here are key Principles:
Reserach Findings:
- Giving people feedback after a “short delay”– shortly after they completed a task–actually improved performance more than offering up the same feedback immediately. Wait too long, though, and the feedback again becomes useless.
- Immediate feedback prevents people from learning from their mistakes. Those who got feedback right away were least likely to keep exploring on their own.
- Wait before offering advice. Waiting a short time before offering advice seemed to give the individual a chance to learn on their own, and then to incorporate the advice.
- Wait too long after the task is completed, and the feedback seems to fall on deaf ears. They seemed to find the information more confusing than helpful.
- Feedback given at the ‘wrong’ moment is pretty much pointless. Those who got help immediately and those who got it after a long delay were more likely to say they did not get enough information to complete the maze.
When do you typically give people feedback–or when have you received feedback? What time works best for you?
MY THOUGHTS
originally, i was planning to post this under 'workplace communication'. on hind sight, it seems to be helpful tips for giving feedback at home, too. in fact, parents and older relatives should try to apply this principle when dealing with the younger generation. no wonder all our well-meaning 'talks' keep falling on deaf ears! out timingis probably off most of the time.
from the aricle "How to Give Feedback That Works"
By Kimberly Weisul | February 11, 2011
Every manager (and parent) knows that constructive feedback is key to improving performance. But what makes the feedback most effective? It turns out timing is almost everything.
Here are key Principles:
Reserach Findings:
- Giving people feedback after a “short delay”– shortly after they completed a task–actually improved performance more than offering up the same feedback immediately. Wait too long, though, and the feedback again becomes useless.
- Immediate feedback prevents people from learning from their mistakes. Those who got feedback right away were least likely to keep exploring on their own.
- Wait before offering advice. Waiting a short time before offering advice seemed to give the individual a chance to learn on their own, and then to incorporate the advice.
- Wait too long after the task is completed, and the feedback seems to fall on deaf ears. They seemed to find the information more confusing than helpful.
- Feedback given at the ‘wrong’ moment is pretty much pointless. Those who got help immediately and those who got it after a long delay were more likely to say they did not get enough information to complete the maze.
When do you typically give people feedback–or when have you received feedback? What time works best for you?
MY THOUGHTS
originally, i was planning to post this under 'workplace communication'. on hind sight, it seems to be helpful tips for giving feedback at home, too. in fact, parents and older relatives should try to apply this principle when dealing with the younger generation. no wonder all our well-meaning 'talks' keep falling on deaf ears! out timingis probably off most of the time.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
FRUGAL VACATIONS
Frugal Vacations
Tips To Have Vacation Fun On A Budget
www.frugal-living-tips.com
Frugal vacations can be fun, it just takes a little more planning ahead that’s all.
I have had many vacations over the years on a budget and I definitely would not say that they were not just as fun as anyone else’s. In fact more so as I didn’t come home worrying about how I was going to pay for it all.
Here are my tips on how to have a fun packed, interesting vacation for those on a tight budget.
1. Visit friends and family
I know what you're thinking, “How is that a holiday?” Some might even say that a week at the in laws would be less than enticing. However think about it, you will be able to stay for free and will be able to go out exploring the local area on your own every day.
Don’t forget that if you do this that you should chip in for any food supplied by your family and always return the favour, so let them know they are welcome to come and stay with you.
Perhaps it would be a good opportunity to go and see those long lost relatives who perhaps emigrated years ago.
2. House swaps
This is quite a new concept for many but is a great choice for the more adventurous of you out there. Basically you arrange to swap houses with someone else who is looking to come and stay in your area. There are agencies set up to help you arrange this and there are safe guards in place so that you won’t feel worried about letting strangers stay in your home.
Home Exchange is one just organisation that can help you have a great vacation somewhere totally unique and give you an experience you won’t forget. Don’t believe me! Here is a testimonial from someone who has used this service.
http://www.homeexchange.com/
"My husband and I recently returned from a 3 week exchange to Berlin, Germany. We exchanged our home in San Antonio, TX for a lovely 2000 SF apartment centrally located in Berlin. The exchange went very smoothly and both families enjoyed the exchange very much. We kept in touch with the family in our home via E-Mail during the exchange. This is our 3rd exchange and we are very pleased with Home Exchange. Looking forward to more great exchanges!"
Carol and Carl Lahser: San Antonio, Texas, USA
3. Camping
One of the best frugal vacations I have personally been on was a camping trip last summer with my family. We had such a laugh and it was just like going back to being a kid again.
How you camp is entirely up to you. Some camp sites provide the bare minimum and are suited to those who really enjoy living wild. Whilst other campsites provide all sorts of comforts, such as a shop, bar, laundry services, luxury shower blocks etc.
You don’t even need to camp in a tent any more, many camp site offer cabins of yurts to rent.
4. Frugal vacations Out Of Season
No matter what you choose to do try to book your vacation out of season. You will find that the cost of nearly everything will be cheaper, from flights to accommodation. Even restaurant eating is cheaper as they are more likely to have out of season offer to entice customers.
5. Group vacations
Why not club together with some of your friends and book a vacation you would not be able to afford on your own. Many house vacation rentals are very expensive but rightly so in some cases where you could stay in super luxury accommodation with swimming pools, steam rooms, games room etc etc.
The cost of food can also be split amongst you all, as well as taking it in turns to cook. This is my idea of luxury frugal vacations and I only wish they were around when I was in my
twenties.
6. Meals
Buy or make your own breakfast and Dinner if staying self catering. Meals out can cost a fortune and can be your biggest expense. Instead choose to only eat out once a day. Lunch menus are always cheaper than evening meals even though the food may be very similar, so make your lunchtime meal the main meal of the day and treat yourself to some of the local food.
MY THOUGHTS
i don't know. i like living in style when on vacation. that's why it's a vacation, isn't it? i wanna sleep in a room much better than mine, sip champagne while watching tv, wearing that fluffy white robe, waking up really late, having breakfast in bed, falling asleep on the tub. lucky for me i am able to do all these sometimes as part of my job. except when it's work coz you hardly ever stay in the hotel room. and you fall asleep in the tub because of fatigue.
Tips To Have Vacation Fun On A Budget
www.frugal-living-tips.com
Frugal vacations can be fun, it just takes a little more planning ahead that’s all.
I have had many vacations over the years on a budget and I definitely would not say that they were not just as fun as anyone else’s. In fact more so as I didn’t come home worrying about how I was going to pay for it all.
Here are my tips on how to have a fun packed, interesting vacation for those on a tight budget.
1. Visit friends and family
I know what you're thinking, “How is that a holiday?” Some might even say that a week at the in laws would be less than enticing. However think about it, you will be able to stay for free and will be able to go out exploring the local area on your own every day.
Don’t forget that if you do this that you should chip in for any food supplied by your family and always return the favour, so let them know they are welcome to come and stay with you.
Perhaps it would be a good opportunity to go and see those long lost relatives who perhaps emigrated years ago.
2. House swaps
This is quite a new concept for many but is a great choice for the more adventurous of you out there. Basically you arrange to swap houses with someone else who is looking to come and stay in your area. There are agencies set up to help you arrange this and there are safe guards in place so that you won’t feel worried about letting strangers stay in your home.
Home Exchange is one just organisation that can help you have a great vacation somewhere totally unique and give you an experience you won’t forget. Don’t believe me! Here is a testimonial from someone who has used this service.
http://www.homeexchange.com/
"My husband and I recently returned from a 3 week exchange to Berlin, Germany. We exchanged our home in San Antonio, TX for a lovely 2000 SF apartment centrally located in Berlin. The exchange went very smoothly and both families enjoyed the exchange very much. We kept in touch with the family in our home via E-Mail during the exchange. This is our 3rd exchange and we are very pleased with Home Exchange. Looking forward to more great exchanges!"
Carol and Carl Lahser: San Antonio, Texas, USA
3. Camping
One of the best frugal vacations I have personally been on was a camping trip last summer with my family. We had such a laugh and it was just like going back to being a kid again.
How you camp is entirely up to you. Some camp sites provide the bare minimum and are suited to those who really enjoy living wild. Whilst other campsites provide all sorts of comforts, such as a shop, bar, laundry services, luxury shower blocks etc.
You don’t even need to camp in a tent any more, many camp site offer cabins of yurts to rent.
4. Frugal vacations Out Of Season
No matter what you choose to do try to book your vacation out of season. You will find that the cost of nearly everything will be cheaper, from flights to accommodation. Even restaurant eating is cheaper as they are more likely to have out of season offer to entice customers.
5. Group vacations
Why not club together with some of your friends and book a vacation you would not be able to afford on your own. Many house vacation rentals are very expensive but rightly so in some cases where you could stay in super luxury accommodation with swimming pools, steam rooms, games room etc etc.
The cost of food can also be split amongst you all, as well as taking it in turns to cook. This is my idea of luxury frugal vacations and I only wish they were around when I was in my
twenties.
6. Meals
Buy or make your own breakfast and Dinner if staying self catering. Meals out can cost a fortune and can be your biggest expense. Instead choose to only eat out once a day. Lunch menus are always cheaper than evening meals even though the food may be very similar, so make your lunchtime meal the main meal of the day and treat yourself to some of the local food.
MY THOUGHTS
i don't know. i like living in style when on vacation. that's why it's a vacation, isn't it? i wanna sleep in a room much better than mine, sip champagne while watching tv, wearing that fluffy white robe, waking up really late, having breakfast in bed, falling asleep on the tub. lucky for me i am able to do all these sometimes as part of my job. except when it's work coz you hardly ever stay in the hotel room. and you fall asleep in the tub because of fatigue.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
ARE YOU READY TO BE AN EMPTY-NESTER?
Q&A – How Can I Stop Feeling Lonely?
Daily Inspiration
John H. Sklare, Ed.D, LifeScript Personal Coach
Published March 27, 2008
Reviewed John H. Sklare, Ed.D
Q: This past week has been really rough. My oldest daughter graduated from college and moved 17 hours away, and my second child is a college freshman at a school two hours away. The nights are so lonely after work, and I cry at the drop of a hat. I spent years going to both of my children’s school activities. I know I just need to keep busy, but a person can only clean and watch TV so much. My husband has adjusted to the children being out of the house, but I just can’t relax or even go to sleep without crying.
-Barb L.
A: Hi Barb,
There are a lot of mothers whose ears just perked up when they read your question. The empty-nest syndrome is an intensely emotional issue that many parents, primarily women, experience when their children leave home and begin making a life of their own. There are some very common symptoms of this syndrome, and you describe them perfectly, Barb. You feel as if your usefulness has ended and experience a deep sense of loneliness, loss and excessive crying.
Many people seek counseling during this time as a way to help them cope and move on, but most seem to adjust over time. The bottom line, however, is that the time has come to find new purpose and new ways to spend your time. Cleaning and watching TV is just not going to be that helpful. Staying in touch with your children by phone and email is a great idea, but you must be careful not to smother them. After all, successful parenting should lead a child to the front door eventually. Consider doing volunteer work, develop a new hobby, or even get involved in an online support group for other parents also dealing with the empty-nest syndrome. And I’m sure there will be many suggestions in the comment section of this page from mothers who share your agony and feel your pain. The bottom line, however, is that your situation is absolutely survivable, Barb. But only you can find what will help you transition into the next phase of your life. Focusing on how much you miss the past will only exacerbate your pain and extend your misery. But a combination of anticipating the future and taking positive action will go a long way toward helping you take a step forward.
Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
www.innerdiet.com
MY THOUGHTS
this is a reality.a harsh one but a reality nevertheless. some parents are so scared of becoming empty-nesters they plot ways to keep their adult children at home. very selfish.
i know it's hard. i don't have kids of my own but i can't help being lonely when my nieces start spending less and less time in my bedroom. because they are moving into teenage life, their world is expanding. and fast. i have to remind myself that this is something that can't be stopped. and i thank God for the chance to be with them while they were kids.
Daily Inspiration
John H. Sklare, Ed.D, LifeScript Personal Coach
Published March 27, 2008
Reviewed John H. Sklare, Ed.D
Q: This past week has been really rough. My oldest daughter graduated from college and moved 17 hours away, and my second child is a college freshman at a school two hours away. The nights are so lonely after work, and I cry at the drop of a hat. I spent years going to both of my children’s school activities. I know I just need to keep busy, but a person can only clean and watch TV so much. My husband has adjusted to the children being out of the house, but I just can’t relax or even go to sleep without crying.
-Barb L.
A: Hi Barb,
There are a lot of mothers whose ears just perked up when they read your question. The empty-nest syndrome is an intensely emotional issue that many parents, primarily women, experience when their children leave home and begin making a life of their own. There are some very common symptoms of this syndrome, and you describe them perfectly, Barb. You feel as if your usefulness has ended and experience a deep sense of loneliness, loss and excessive crying.
Many people seek counseling during this time as a way to help them cope and move on, but most seem to adjust over time. The bottom line, however, is that the time has come to find new purpose and new ways to spend your time. Cleaning and watching TV is just not going to be that helpful. Staying in touch with your children by phone and email is a great idea, but you must be careful not to smother them. After all, successful parenting should lead a child to the front door eventually. Consider doing volunteer work, develop a new hobby, or even get involved in an online support group for other parents also dealing with the empty-nest syndrome. And I’m sure there will be many suggestions in the comment section of this page from mothers who share your agony and feel your pain. The bottom line, however, is that your situation is absolutely survivable, Barb. But only you can find what will help you transition into the next phase of your life. Focusing on how much you miss the past will only exacerbate your pain and extend your misery. But a combination of anticipating the future and taking positive action will go a long way toward helping you take a step forward.
Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
www.innerdiet.com
MY THOUGHTS
this is a reality.a harsh one but a reality nevertheless. some parents are so scared of becoming empty-nesters they plot ways to keep their adult children at home. very selfish.
i know it's hard. i don't have kids of my own but i can't help being lonely when my nieces start spending less and less time in my bedroom. because they are moving into teenage life, their world is expanding. and fast. i have to remind myself that this is something that can't be stopped. and i thank God for the chance to be with them while they were kids.
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