lessons from our fathers

Lessons from My Father
By Craig Robinson

Father's Day, Craig Robinson, author of The Challenge of the Game and brother to first lady Michelle Obama, reflects on what it means to be a father and the lessons his father passed down.



This is my 18th year celebrating Father's Day as a father, made even more special due to the recent birth of my third child. When I'm not thinking about how quickly the time has gone, I find myself reminiscing about my own father, Fraser Robinson III. Along with the role of father, he was my first coach, my first teacher and my first mentor.

He was the one who taught me how to throw my first curveball, shared with me his top secret, "un-returnable" pingpong serve—only to be used in dire situations—and showed me how to shoot a basketball with either hand. But his lessons weren't limited to athletic endeavors. He showed me how to make a bed like a soldier, how to drive defensively and courteously and how to create a habit of saving, even on the meager salary he made.

I can still remember the day he brought home his month's salary in a stack of cash. I thought we were rich! Then, slowly but carefully, my father used envelopes to show me how he paid the bills. Soon enough, there was just $20 left to the stack, and my father explained that this was how he took care of our family's affection for take-out or a trip to the drive-in now and then. It became clear to me that my parents made many sacrifices to make the lives of my sister, Michelle, and I as secure and comfortable as possible—going so far as to finance both of our Ivy League educations solely on credit cards.

Some of my father's most important lessons were simply taught by example. The less tangible lessons of hard work, discipline and character were evident in his daily life. Getting up and out for work every day with no complaints and in spite of his ongoing battle with multiple sclerosis. The grace with which he acted as family patriarch dealing with problems and doling out advice without ever being patronizing or appearing put upon. The chivalry he showed my mother. He showed me that a real man takes care of his family.

The patience, courtesy and love my father showed my sister, mother and myself was extended to everyone he met. He is with me every time I hold a door open for my wife, sit down to answer a question from one of my children or offer advice to a member of my team. When I was younger, I would try to emulate my father, down to the limp he sported due to his illness. On this Father's Day, I realize that I have been trying to emulate his parenting all these years. I can only hope that my children can learn half as much from me as I learned from him.

On this day that we honor fathers, let us pay tribute not just to our fathers and grandfathers, but to all of the important influences in our lives. And for those of us who are lucky enough to be fathers, let us remember that there is no end to the lessons we have to teach and to learn.

MY THOUGHTS

My father was always away - working! maybe that's what we learned the most from him - sacrificing the self for the love of family, for that desire to make things better for your kids, for being away so that we have food on the table and money for tuition fee, for not being there so we can get to experience life as they never did. the times we spent with our dad was not as much as we would have wanted. but the times he worked for us cannot be accounted for. we are who we are now because of our "tata" and our "nana". yes, we are lucky to be their kids.

Facebook Etiquette for Parents

Facebook Etiquette for Parents
5 Tips to Keep Your College Kid or Teen From Unfriending You
By Jackie Burrell, About.com Guide

Social networking is a huge part of teens, tweens and 20somethings' worlds - and, increasingly, their parents' lives too. Here are five Facebook faux pas to avoid, so your children don't "unfriend" you or join an "OMG - My mom friended me" support group.

•Friends: The basic structure of a social network revolves around friends. You invite someone to be your friend, thereby granting access to your profile, photo albums and Facebook "wall," a discussion board where any friend can post comments. On Facebook, a friend invitation can be accepted, declined, ignored or accepted in limited fashion - the new friend can see some, but not all of what's there. Avoid hurt feelings by talking to your kids before you try to "friend" them. Do not try to friend their friends. Let them come to you.

•Walls: Exercise discretion. If you wouldn't say it in front of your child's peers, don't post it on his wall. Wishing someone "Happy Birthday" on his wall is fine. Commenting on his appearance, friends or embarrassing antics from the past? No.

•Groups: Facebook members can join fun little groups of like-minded souls - people who love the same bands, went to the same school or adore Harry Potter - and you can too. Just remember that the decision to join a Facebook group can be inspired by irony, philosophy or simply, "the cool girl next door invited me." Don't overreact when you notice your child just joined the "Marijuana is awesome" group - and remember that the comments you post on group discussion boards can be read by anyone.

•Pokes, Karma and Gifts: Part of the fun of Facebook involves poking people - a little note is sent to the recipient that says "You've been poked. Do you want to poke back?" - and exchanging virtual gifts, Karma points and similar lighthearted activities. You can take quizzes ("Which Disney Princess are you?"), outfit an eco-friendly green plot, or play Roshambo. Caveats: Do not send your child or your child's friends anything racy or alcohol-related. The gift may not be real, but everyone can see it and draw embarrassing conclusions. It's also not cool to invite your child or your child's friends to take the "What's your kissing style?" quiz.

•Don't Embarrass Your Kid: You've lectured your child on the dangers of posting pictures of keggers. Take the same advice yourself. Don't post humiliating or ill-advised photos. Don't post that adorable shot of junior, naked, on a bearskin rug at age 2. The moment you "tag" him - identify him - in a Facebook photo, his friends all get a note that says there's a new photo of him online. And when it comes to photos of yourself, remember it's not just your child's college administrators and prospective employers vetting online sites. Your boss may be looking too.

MY THOUGHTS

"Don't embarass your kids" and don;t embarass yourself. This facebook thing is so easy to use. we can get really caught up and careless. some lines need to be drawn - that's for sure - kids or no kids.

5 tips for single moms

Single Like Sandra? Advice for Parenting Alone
by Susanna Schrobsdorff


Like lots of single moms, Sandra Bullock started out married and not intending to raise a child on her own. But in March, when the tabloids revealed that her husband, Jesse James, was a serial cheater, the Oscar winner found herself in the middle of an adoption and a messy divorce. Unlike Angelina Jolie, who went through the same double whammy in 2002 when she adopted son Maddox just after breaking up with husband Billy Bob Thornton, Bullock managed to keep her 3 ½-month-old son, Louis Bardo Bullock, a secret from legions of reporters for months.

But when People debuted the new mom and baby on their cover this week, Sandy’s secret was out. And while most single mothers aren’t stalked by the media and don’t have a celebrity-size budget for nannies and housekeepers, Sandy will still need some serious girlfriend advice from women who know what it’s like to raise kids on their own. (Unless, of course, she follows the Jolie model and ends up with a superdad like Brad Pitt.) Until then, here are top five tips for solo parenting from a mom who's been there before:

1. Open up. Shamelessly pursue friendships with other moms in the same situation. You need at least one friend who truly gets what life is like as a single mom. If you see someone on your child’s school or daycare phone list who has different addresses for each parent, schedule a play date and chat. And check iVillage’s online message boards devoted to single parenthood.

2. Lower your standards. Not for men, but for yourself. Lots of single moms feel like they have to be twice as good of a parent because they’re alone. They put too much pressure on themselves to do everything right to make up for a missing parent. The problem is that there’s no system or checklist that will enable you to be two people at once. You can be one great parent with kids who know they are loved, even if Mom didn’t have time to make something for the school potluck. Accept that, and you’ll have a bit more peace.

3. Find a fairy godmother. If you don’t have family nearby, remember there are people in your life who would love a child to spoil or mentor. Nurture your child’s relationships with these trusted friends who can offer a different outlook on the world. Don’t push, but if someone offers to “babysit,” say, sure—but make it more like a play date. Suggest a movie and pay for it. If things go well, they’ll ask again. You’ll get a break, and your kid gets to bond with someone you respect and like. (Just remember to have your child say thank you in some form.)

4. Date discreetly. For single moms who want to date, life can be a logistical and moral minefield. When do you introduce a guy to the kids? Is it after three dates? Three months? What about grownup sleepovers? Yikes. There’s no rule for this except one: If you can, wait until you’re in a truly committed relationship. There’s no need to remind a single mom that any kid of divorce will be sensitive to breakups, so the fewer of them they witness, the better.

5. Start watching The Brady Bunch reruns. The reality is, if you’re single with kids, many of the guys you’re dating are likely to also be single with kids. This means that you could easily go from being a single mom of two kids to being part of a couple with five kids, at least some of the time depending on the custody arrangements. The good news is you won’t be alone scraping Play-Doh off the couch—the bad news is, there will likely be more of it.


MY THOUGHTS

It's definitely not easy but like everythig else, there are ways of dealing with single parenthood.

Talking to Your Kids About Sex

10 Tips on Talking to Your Kids About Sex


New data shows teen STD and pregnancy rates are rising. Here’s how to help lower your child’s risk.
By: Karen Springen


The news is unsettling for parents of young girls: A new report from the Guttmacher Institute finds that for the first time in more than a decade, teen pregnancy rates are climbing again. The researchers calculated that more than seven percent of teen girls between 15 and 19 became pregnant in 2006, a three-percent increase over the previeous year. Separate data from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) estimates the rate rose another one percent in 2007 (the most recent year that data is available).

That comes on the heels of a CDC study published in the journal Pediatrics in December 2009 that concluded one in four teenaged girls in the U.S. has a sexually transmitted infection. The CDC also found that 15- to 19-year-old girls had the largest number of chlamydia and gonorrhea cases last year compared to every other age group.

Here are 10 tips to help make sure your child doesn't become one of those scary statistics:

1. Start young. If your preschooler asks where babies come from, don’t tell them a stork story. “Explain that men have sperm and women have eggs, and the sperm and the egg get together, and that can form into a baby,” says Mark Schuster, professor of pediatrics at Harvard Medical School and co-author of Everything You Never Wanted Your Kids to Know About Sex But Were Afraid They’d Ask. That helps set the stage for later conversations about sex and pregnancy.

2. Help them set boundaries. Even at an early age, it’s important to discuss “good touch, bad touch”—or what’s appropriate and what’s not, says pediatrician Elizabeth Alderman of Children’s Hospital of Montefiore. Make it clear that your kids should come to you if anyone makes them uncomfortable or behaves inappropriately around them. That can also help lay the groundwork for talking to your daughter later about not feeling pressured to have sex. “Then your child knows, ‘I can talk about these sorts of things with mom or with dad,’” says Dr. Justin Richardson, co-author of Everything You Never Wanted Your Kids to Know About Sex But Were Afraid They’d Ask.

3. Prepare them for puberty. “You do not want your daughter bleeding and not knowing what it is,” says Schuster. Explain to her what menstruation is and that once she gets her period she can also get pregnant. And if your son hasn’t heard about wet dreams, he may think he has peed in his bed, he says. Explaining the changes his body is going through also gives you the opportunity to talk to him about the consequences of sex.

4. Remember that not talking about sex doesn’t mean they won’t have it. Seven percent of high school students say they had vaginal intercourse before they turned 13, according to the CDC. A third of ninth graders say they have had it. “A lot of parents don’t want to talk to their kids about sex for fear that if they talk about it, they give permission to have it,” says Ben Siegel, chair of the American Academy of Pediatrics’ committee on the psychosocial aspects of child and family health. To avoid that, make sure you're clear about the risks that come with having sex.

5. Give them information, but let them know where you stand. Child psychiatrist Elizabeth Berger, author of Raising Kids with Character, says parents should feel comfortable giving their kids the firm message that “sex is for grown-ups.” Even if you’re talking to your kids about the importance of using protection, you can preface it by stating that you don’t support them having sex. “Tell them ‘I’d like you to postpone having sex, but if you are going to have it, use a condom and other birth control’,” says Siegel.

6. Skip “The Talk.” It puts too much pressure on everyone. Instead, sprinkle information about sexuality throughout your child’s life, says Lynda Madaras, author of books like What’s Happening to My Body? Ask your child about what she knows and what she’s heard. Take advantage of “teachable moments.” If there’s a news story about a celebrity teen who is pregnant, for example, use it as an opportunity to bring up the topic and the consequences of having unprotected sex. A car ride can be a good time to chat since your kids don’t need to make eye contact with you and feel embarrassed.

7. Don’t talk down to them. When your child asks a question involving sex, avoid telling them they’re “too young” to talk about the subject or punting to the other parent, says Schuster. Be honest with them and treat their questions seriously. You want them to feel comfortable about approaching you with any concerns or questions they have in the future too. “If we don’t answer when they’re young, when they’re teenagers, they will have learned not to come to us,” he says.

8. Use specific language. Everyone’s heard of the birds and the bees. But when it comes to explaining sex to kids in middle school or older, skip the euphemisms. “Sex is a very ambiguous term. We need to use very precise language,” says Schuster. Explain “vaginal,” “oral” or “anal” sex and that all three can spread diseases. (It’s OK to wait until high school age to bring up anal sex, he says. Phew.) Since girls, and now boys, can get the HPV vaccine as young as age nine, that’s also an opportunity to explain what it is and why they need it. (The shot protects against the four most common strains of HPV, which is the most widespread STD among teen girls and can cause cervical cancer.)

9. Explain what contraception can and can’t do. Let your kids know that while hormonal methods like the Pill prevent pregnancy, condoms protect against disease, says Montefiore’s Alderman. Unfortunately, the data seems to indicate that many of those who are sexually active at a young age use only one or neither. According to the study in Pediatrics, one in five girls who reported having only one lifetime sex partner already had a sexually transmitted infection. According to the CDC, only 16 percent of sexually active teens reported that they or their partner had used birth control pills to prevent pregnancy. (Sixty-one percent said they or their partner had used a condom during last sexual intercourse. But experts say teens should use both.)

10. Forget the scare tactics. “No kid is going to believe us at a certain point if all we do is talk about disease and pregnancy and sex is bad,” says Schuster. “I don’t think we want them terrified. We want them informed.” Don’t feel compelled to start your talks with warnings of STDs. “We want to be careful that the first conversations we have with our kids are not about disease and death,” says Madaras. Instead, even with the youngest kids, let them talk about their goal--whether it’s to open a beauty parlor or become a doctor—and explain how getting pregnant or sick could hamper their plans. Focus on their dreams, says Madaras, and they’re much less likely to put their future, or their health, at risk.

MY THOUGHTS

It's a good thing I don't have kids. This can be really chanllenging for moms and dads!

Feeling guilty as a Wowking Mom

MSNBC's Mika Brzezinski: Why Working Moms Should Stop Feeling Guilty
Susanna Schrobsdorff ON Jan 25, 2010 at 1:02PM


Women now make up 50 percent of the American workforce. Now if only working moms could shed 50 percent of the guilt they carry around. Mastering the life-balance thing may be an impossible quest, but MSNBC's Mika Brzezinski has come out with a refreshingly candid book about her bumpy ride to the top of TV news and why she believes that the time she spends building her career is as good for her two daughters, ages 11 and 13, as the time she spends at home.

Her story has struck a chord. The book, All Things at Once, just became a New York Times bestseller and her tour has been packed with long lines of admiring women (and men). Of course, Brzezinski, 42, is no ordinary working mom. She's up at 3:30 am every day to cohost an influential political show, Morning Joe, and she follows that up with a radio broadcast.

The straight-talking Brzezinski spoke to iVillage about her job, her book and the lessons she learned after she became so exhausted that she fell down the stairs holding her infant daughter, leaving the baby with a broken leg.

You caused some controversy recently when you wrote a blog post saying women shouldn't put off having kids till their career is established.

I've been really misunderstood on this so I'll try and be as clear as I can. If children and family are something you want in your life, I would not put off looking for that to happen. If the opportunity for love strikes in your 20's, and you hold off till your mid-30s because there's some rule that you have to wait till your career is at a certain point before you can have a kid, you are an idiot. I'm not saying go back to the 1950s, I'm saying, look, it's hard to find a good guy so increase your chances by starting at an early age, just like you do for your job.

So how do you do all things at once and still do them well?

For me, my career would be nothing if I didn't have kids that have grown through it with me. You don't need to have your career first then have kids and keep them in separate boxes. Think of them of them as a set of cultivating experiences that can interrelate in a challenging, tough and incredibly fulfilling way. If you want to nurture the career, your kids will survive. If you love the work, if it's true to your identity, you will be a more cultivated, happier person and that's good for the kids. You're growing yourself for them.

You wrote that after you fell with your baby daughter you re-evaluated your life and got more childcare. Why is it so hard for women to ask for help?

I think we as mothers who work feel a tremendous friction in our own minds about transferring the authority over our children to someone else. We feel guilty about it and we're control freaks. We leave the house and think, "Are they doing it right?" But you have to let go. I learned that by making the worst mistake of my life. I wanted to show the world I could be supermom and have this amazing network job. I wanted to be all things to all people. I learned after the accident with Carlie -- which was the worst way to have to learn a lesson because that accident was my fault -- that if I'm going to work, that there are times I have got to let people help.

Is it difficult to switch into mom mode after work?

There are times when I work for three days straight and I barely see my daughters. I just kiss them good night because I'm better off not seeing them because it's hard for me to transition. Then I'll throw myself into them for like 36 hours. I know that's very unpredictable for them, and guess what, that's my household.

You're in amazing shape. How do you manage that on top of work and your family?

I get home and I'm dead tired -- I've been up since 3:30 in the morning, and I want to sleep so badly -- but I've got to jog at least a few miles and I'll have a little less time with the kids but I will have run and I'll feel better with them. Exercise is essential for me. No excuses. Do you need to look like a supermodel? No. But do you want to feel exhausted and overweight for your husband and your kids and your job? Is that the best way to present yourself? No.

Any advice for new moms who are going back to work?

First: Put away the guilt. You're going back to work, face it and get the job done. Stop with the tears. Celebrate it. You're doing this not only for yourself, but for your kids. Second: Don't try to overcompensate when you come home. Work on your time management realistically. And take care of yourself. Do not let yourself fall apart because you will pay for that in the end and so will your kids and your marriage.

Do you have guilt about being a working mom -- and how do you deal with it?


MY THOUGHTS

I'm not a mom but i know how difficult it is to try and balance work and personal concerns. Taking care of things all at once is not a godd idea. In my book, the best is still to compartmentalize and concentrate - one thing at a time. I found out that if I work really hard on workdays, I can have quality time for myself and mky family on weekends. Of course, it doesn;t always happen that way. But work on weekends or personal concerns on workweeks is more of an exception. The thing is, the more effective you are at work, the more you you find yourself effective at home.

happiness genie for your kids?

The One Thing Every Parent Wants
By Dr. Robert Holden
Original Content | December 11, 2009


"If I could wish for one thing in my life, it would be that my children grow up happy," says Diane, a mother of two girls, ages 6 and 2. Diane is not alone. A research study conducted in 67 countries interviewed parents from diverse cultures, faiths and income levels about what they most wished for their children. The number one answer, by a long shot, was happiness. Every parent wants his or her child to be happy. If you are a parent, you know how true this is. Unconditional love is only interested in happiness.

In my happiness course, Be Happy, I give my participants a test called The Happiness Genie for Kids. The idea is that a genie appears in your life and offers you a series of wishes you can make on your children's behalf. Each wish is a forced choice. For example, "I wish my child has wealth or happiness." In the last course, 100 percent of parents chose happiness over wealth; 95 percent chose happiness over academic excellence; 95 percent chose happiness over fame; and 90 percent chose happiness over success.

We know what we want for our children, but how do we do it? Well, first it's important to understand that you cannot make your children happy. That said, there is plenty you can do to encourage them to be happy. The distinction between making and encouraging is a vital one. Parents who believe they can make their children happy are prone to making other mistakes like trying too hard to be a good parent, intervening too much, being overcontrolling and believing they always know what's best for their children.

In adult-to-adult relationships, when a person makes it their mission to make their partner or friend happy, they usually end up disappointed, in unhealthy sacrifice and in a role (full-time employment, more like) as a helper. Similarly, if you believe it is your partner/friend's job to make you happy, you will also be disappointed. What's true for adult-to-adult relationships is also true for parent-child relationships. True happiness isn't something you manufacture for others; it exists in their spiritual DNA already. What you can do is offer encouragement to help bring their happiness out.

Practically everything we do as parents is motivated by a desire to see our children be happy. The good news is that there is much you can do to encourage them to discover true happiness for themselves. Every day, in each moment, you can offer essential encouragement through your loving presence, your own example and your steadfast support. As you encourage your children to be happy, you may notice that something else happens, which is that you become happier too.

5 keys to your child's happiness

Your Happiness Is a Gift

Debra was 27 years old and six months pregnant when she attended one of my happiness courses. When it was Debra's turn to tell the class why she was taking the course, she said, "I believe the best contribution I can make to my baby's well-being is for me to learn how to be truly happy." I remember seeing a room full of people nodding and smiling at having heard a profound truth.

You are your child's first teacher. They will learn essential lessons from you on how to be happy and how not to be happy. Your primary teaching device is your example. Children learn best of all by example; far better than any wise words you might say. Remind yourself, therefore, as often as possible, "My happiness is a gift to others." When you are happy in your own skin, it helps you to relax, to connect, to be intimate and to give yourself unconditionally. Your happiness makes you fun to be around. It brings out the best in you.

Enjoying Being a Parent

When people ask me what it's like being a parent, I tell them that every day is an epic, there are no days off, it takes everything you've got and it's the most enjoyable thing I've ever done . Parenting is full of challenges, and one of the biggest challenges is to not lose sight of the joy of being a parent. When you make a conscious intention to enjoy being a parent, it helps you to be present, to engage fully, to be truly grateful, to see the humor of it all and to be resilient in the tough times.

"Enjoy your baby. They grow up so fast." I've heard this advice a thousand times at least, and I thought I understood what everyone was telling me, but I had no idea just how fast the time goes. It's true that some days can feel like a week, but all of the days quickly turn into weeks, months and years. Asking yourself a question like, "How can I enjoy being a parent today?" can help you make parenting more creative, rewarding and fun along the way and not just in retrospect. The intention to enjoy yourself has magical powers. In old English, the word "enjoy" means "to bring joy."

What you can learn from your children

What You Can Learn from Your Children

An author who is writing a book about happiness interviewed me recently. During our conversation, he asked me, "Generally speaking, how would you teach a child to be happy?" I started to say a few words, but quickly realized I didn't have a proper answer. The next day, having thought it through, I e-mailed him this response: "I wouldn't teach them anything; I'd let them teach me." One of the greatest gifts we can give children is our 100 percent trust that they will work out how to be happy. Happiness is natural to children, and the best thing we can do is not get in the way too much.

Children are great teachers. Being a parent is a chance for us to grow up and become the person we were born to be. Being a parent is also a chance for us to remember to be young again, innocent, playful and full of wonder. Most mornings, I am woken up by Bo, my gorgeous 2 3/4-year-old daughter, who is always fizzing with energy. "Daddy, it's the day!" she says. "Let's have some fun." What a wonderful invitation. Often the sun has yet to come up, but how can I resist? Like my daughter, I too learn by example—and my daughter is a great teacher of happiness to me.

Expressing "I Love You"

One of the most common causes of unhappiness in adults is an unhappy childhood. What makes a childhood unhappy can vary enormously. That said, a common story I hear in my workshops and one-to-one sessions is from adults like Judy, who says: "My parents worked hard to pay the rent, to put food on the table and to clothe us properly. They took care of our physical needs, but I didn't feel met emotionally by them." Judy doesn't mean to sound ungrateful; she is simply acknowledging that young children are hungry for love.

Parenting is about love in action. As a parent, you know deep down that everything you do for your children, you do for love. That you love your children is not in question. That said, a good question to ask yourself is, "How can I love my children today?" Put another way, "How can I express my love so that he/she feels loved?" Remembering to say "I love you" is a great start, and after that you can set about discovering a thousand more ways to say "I love you" without using the words. Always communicate your love, both with and without words. Why? Because love is the most fun you can have with anyone. And because in the final analysis, to love is to be happy.

Robert Holden, PhD, and his innovative work on happiness and well-being have been featured on The Oprah Show and Good Morning America and also in two major BBC TV documentaries, The Happiness Formula and How to Be Happy, shown to more than 30 million TV viewers worldwide. He is the author of the best-selling books Happiness NOW!, Shift Happens! and Success Intelligence. His latest book, Be Happy, is published by Hay House. Robert lives in London with his wife and daughter. For more information, visit RobertHolden.org and BeHappy.net.


MY THOUGHTS

A happiness genie for your kids! well, it seems to be a happiness genie for the parents, too. when your kids are happy, then you're supposed to be the same way. I think the hardest part is letting go, realizing their lives our separate from your own. take note of the word encourage. we cannot make anyone happy. we can only provide the environment where they could be happy. and rememeber that happiness is a state of mind. When they appreciate that you bought from rustan's the same way they appreciate a gift you bought from a tiangge, then i shoiuld say, you're on the right track.

How to tell if you child is coping with anxiety

Is Your Child Stressed?
How to tell if you child is coping with anxiety - - and what you can do to help
By Katherine Lee, About.com Guide

As with adults, children respond differently to stress depending on their individual personalities and coping skills. Younger grade-schoolers may not be able to fully explain their feelings whereas older kids may be able to say exactly what’s bothering them and why (though that’s no guarantee that they’ll share that information with mom or dad).

Keep an eye out for signs that something is bothering your child. She may complain of stomach aches or headaches. She may insist that nothing’s bothering her but display behavioral changes such as moodiness, a short temper or clinginess. She may develop a nervous habit, such as nail biting. If the problem is with something at school, she may tell you that she doesn’t want to go.

Some Common Causes of Childhood Stress:

Big changes in the family. This can include divorce, moving, or even the birth of a new sibling. These seismic shifts can rock your grade-schooler’s world and turn it upside down. Major life changes can shake your child’s sense of security, and make her feel confused and anxious. A new sibling can make her feel threatened and jealous.

Overly-packed schedule. If your child is constantly running from one activity to another, she may feel stressed, especially if she’s the kind of kid who needs some quiet downtime to herself every once in a while.

Self-inflicted pressure. Many grade-schoolers can experience anxiety about wanting to do well in school. They may want to fit in with other kids and be liked. Self-generated pressure is particularly common in children who are afraid of making mistakes or not being good at something.

Stress caused by something at school. Bullies or cliques can become an issue once kids enter grade-school. Even if she isn’t being bullied, the pressure to fit in and be popular can feel overwhelming for a young child.

How Can You Help?

Don’t dismiss her feelings. Telling her not to worry about her fears may only make her feel like she’s doing something wrong by feeling anxious. Let her know it’s okay to feel bad about something, and encourage her to share her emotions and thoughts.

Listen. You know enormously comforting it can be just to have someone listen when something’s bothering you. Do the same thing for your child. If she doesn’t feel like talking, let her know you are there for her. Just be by her side and remind her that you love her and support her.

Offer comfort and distraction. Try to do something she enjoys, like playing a favorite game or cuddling in your lap and having you read to her, just as you did when she was younger. When the chips are down, even a 10-year-old will appreciate a good dose of parent TLC.

Get her outside. Exercise can boost mood, so get her moving. Even if it’s just for a walk around the block, fresh air and physical activity may be just what she needs to lift her spirits and give her a new perspective on things.

Stick to routines. Balance out any changes by trying to maintain as much of her regular routine as possible. Try to stick to her regular bedtime and mealtimes, if possible.

Keep her healthy. Make sure she’s eating right and getting enough sleep. Not getting enough rest or eating nutritious meals at regular intervals can contribute to your child’s stress. If she feels good, she’ll be better equipped to work through whatever is bothering her.

MY THOUGHTS

How would we know if we don't try to find out? If we think stress is only for adults, this artilce will surely be an eye opener.I think mostly it's over packed schedules. We think we're doing these kids a great favor by not having any respite from activities. Time to take stock. To me the greatest pressure was the very very high expectations of parents. They are kids. And they are not supposed to be filling up for their parents' broken dreams. Ligthen up!