Lessons for a son, just in case
By Jonathan Comey
First Person
January 23, 2011 12:00 AM
I had fairly major surgery a few months ago and, in the nights before the procedure, my mind naturally turned to all of the complications that could ensue.
Especially what I privately referred to, in my own dark way, as the "ultimate complication."
With these thoughts came other thoughts, mostly about my son. When I was a boy, I'd sometimes happen across sealed letters from my mother with my name written on the front. I was told that these were in the event of "¦ well, in the event of ultimate complications.
I never had the urge to read these letters, and scoffed at them in my blissful ignorance, but as the date of that surgery neared 30 years later, I understood my mom completely. Most of raising a child is a mix of maintenance and mischief, but the goal of every parent is for their kids to grow up with a set of values that will serve them well, values that will give them a chance at success, happiness and understanding.
And so, for the first time, I asked myself: What did I want to teach my son about the world if, by chance, I was no longer in it?
Be kind to other people.
Be loyal and cautious. Never stop having fun.
Enjoy all different types of weather. Stay up late during a blizzard or a thunderstorm or a hot summer's night, watch the sky and mull over the meaning of it all.
Always remember that as an American you were born luckier, freer, healthier and more privileged than almost all of the people on earth. It might not always seem so, but most don't have what you take for granted.
Eat anything you want as long as it's in moderation. This is better for you physically and mentally. Don't drink too much. Drugs and cigarettes are very hard to quit and you will eventually want to quit them in the worst way. Don't start.
Try not to judge others. Everyone is shaped by their environment and genetics in ways they can't control. Look for the best parts of people.
Be friendly to older people. They love it. It restores their faith in humanity.
Wear your seatbelt, and never drive drunk. Be a designated driver for others.
The true joy of life is bringing joy to others. Sometimes this can feel like a burden, but it's worth it.
Don't let your friendships fall apart. Once you've made a friend, they feel kinship with you for life, whether they try to keep it alive or not. This also sometimes feels like a burden, but is worth it.
Don't dwell on what should be. Deal with what is and how to make the most of it.
Don't be afraid to commit to love. Focus on what you love about your spouse and not what you don't. Accept that monogamy is difficult.
Don't sweat politics. You can't change the system, and you don't really know what's going on anyway. Put your trust in the people who seem the most real, and hope for the best.
Stay away from war at all costs. Do not join the fight unless the cause is so blindingly just that you have no other choice. Support your country at all times. Don't bash the president. He or she is doing the best they can.
Enjoy as many different types of music, movies and games as you can. There's something wonderful in all of it.
You're never quite as good at things as you think you are, but that's OK. Shooting high usually produces a good result, even if it leaves you feeling unfulfilled.
Grandparents are special in ways that your parents aren't. Let them spoil you, but never be ungrateful.
Don't keep secrets. It's hard to tell the truth sometimes, but secrets make you feel worse.
Be really careful on bicycles and in cars. They are super dangerous.
There is some type of higher power, but I don't know what it is. The unknown can be scary. You'll spend a lot of nights thinking about what it all means, and that's not bad. The mornings will follow.
When people you love die, always keep pictures of them close. It's not easy, knowing they're not around, but your memories can be the next best thing. Talk to them. They are still with you.
Finally, and most importantly: Have kids. It's scary, and it always threatens to break your heart and it's frustrating and it's tiring and it'll clean out your bank account and it'll sometimes make you absolutely crazy "¦ but it's the best part of life.
Jonathan Comey is sports editor of The Standard-Times.
MY THOUGHTS
i don't know why i'm sharing this. maybe because i sometimes think of writing to some people, just in case.
Showing posts with label happiness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label happiness. Show all posts
Monday, January 24, 2011
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
If You Don’t Design Your Future, Someone Else Will
Warning: If You Don’t Design Your Future, Someone Else Will
One day, a man came up to me and invited me to speak to their company.
When he told me the date of their conference, I told them I couldn’t make it.
He asked if I could speak the following year, and I declined it too.
He asked if I could speak the year after that—and I said my calendar was still booked for the date.
He asked, “Can we invite you to speak to our group in 2013?”
I began to laugh.
This was getting to be embarrassing.
But the man in front of me wasn’t laughing.
“Bo, I’m serious. You turned down our invitation for 2010, 2011, and 2012. Don’t tell me you’re booked for 2013?”
Here’s the truth: Yes, I was booked.
Some of my appointments are booked until the day I die.
For example?
If you ask me, “Bo, what will you be doing on Tuesday nights in the year 2025?” I’ll answer, “Having dates with my lovely wife.”
How do I know?
Since we got married 12 years ago, I’ve given my Tuesday nights to her.
Having weekly dates with her has been the bedrock of our marriage. Our lifesaver. Our refreshment. Our bond. Our joy.
I also have weekly dates with my 2 boys on Monday afternoon.
I have weekly lunches with my 85-year old Mom on Wednesdays.
These are my non-negotiable appointments in my life.
That’s why my relationships are strong. Vibrant. Life-giving.
That’s why my family life is tight.
I set these appointments for years—no, for decades—in advance.
Why?
Because if you’re not going to design your future, someone else will.
Don’t Let Thieves Steal Away Your Family’s Future
There are thieves that want to steal away your family life.
Thieves like Busyness.
Hurry-titis. (An epidemic today!)
Materialism.
TV addiction.
Selfishness.
Adultery.
Money problems.
Protect your family!
How? Next to God, make your family first.
I’d like to personally invite you to take my 7-Session Online Course, Relationship Reborn. You don’t have to go anywhere. From the comfort of your homes, you can listen or watch me talk about what you can do to enrich your family life. Yes, you can have a great marriage. Yes, you can have a great relationship with your kids.
Don’t leave it to chance. To design the future of your family life, log on at www.FamilyReborn.com now.
May your dreams come true,
Bo Sanchez
PS. Protect your Family Life. What kind of future do you want? To design your future for your family, log on at www.FamilyReborn.com now.
MY THOUGHTS
what kind of thieves do you have? we see them all over. inside our homes. in other homes. what's sad is, we don't even know they are thieves. we think we're being busy for our loved ones, working hard so we can provide for them. only to find that, in out business, in our desire to provide the material things, we have failed to protect our relationships with them. think about this now. before it's too late.
One day, a man came up to me and invited me to speak to their company.
When he told me the date of their conference, I told them I couldn’t make it.
He asked if I could speak the following year, and I declined it too.
He asked if I could speak the year after that—and I said my calendar was still booked for the date.
He asked, “Can we invite you to speak to our group in 2013?”
I began to laugh.
This was getting to be embarrassing.
But the man in front of me wasn’t laughing.
“Bo, I’m serious. You turned down our invitation for 2010, 2011, and 2012. Don’t tell me you’re booked for 2013?”
Here’s the truth: Yes, I was booked.
Some of my appointments are booked until the day I die.
For example?
If you ask me, “Bo, what will you be doing on Tuesday nights in the year 2025?” I’ll answer, “Having dates with my lovely wife.”
How do I know?
Since we got married 12 years ago, I’ve given my Tuesday nights to her.
Having weekly dates with her has been the bedrock of our marriage. Our lifesaver. Our refreshment. Our bond. Our joy.
I also have weekly dates with my 2 boys on Monday afternoon.
I have weekly lunches with my 85-year old Mom on Wednesdays.
These are my non-negotiable appointments in my life.
That’s why my relationships are strong. Vibrant. Life-giving.
That’s why my family life is tight.
I set these appointments for years—no, for decades—in advance.
Why?
Because if you’re not going to design your future, someone else will.
Don’t Let Thieves Steal Away Your Family’s Future
There are thieves that want to steal away your family life.
Thieves like Busyness.
Hurry-titis. (An epidemic today!)
Materialism.
TV addiction.
Selfishness.
Adultery.
Money problems.
Protect your family!
How? Next to God, make your family first.
I’d like to personally invite you to take my 7-Session Online Course, Relationship Reborn. You don’t have to go anywhere. From the comfort of your homes, you can listen or watch me talk about what you can do to enrich your family life. Yes, you can have a great marriage. Yes, you can have a great relationship with your kids.
Don’t leave it to chance. To design the future of your family life, log on at www.FamilyReborn.com now.
May your dreams come true,
Bo Sanchez
PS. Protect your Family Life. What kind of future do you want? To design your future for your family, log on at www.FamilyReborn.com now.
MY THOUGHTS
what kind of thieves do you have? we see them all over. inside our homes. in other homes. what's sad is, we don't even know they are thieves. we think we're being busy for our loved ones, working hard so we can provide for them. only to find that, in out business, in our desire to provide the material things, we have failed to protect our relationships with them. think about this now. before it's too late.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Do You Make These Mistakes In Your Family Life?
Do You Make These Mistakes In Your Family Life?
One day, a friend came up to me with a problem.
Let’s call her Demanding Delia.
Delia was complaining about her husband to me. Next to watching Korean telenovelas, that was her favourite pastime. She said, “Bo, there’s not one romantic bone in my husband’s body. He doesn’t date me. He doesn’t give me flowers. Affection isn’t part of his vocabulary. Oh Bo, can you please talk to my husband?”
Delia is my friend and I could be very frank with her.
I said, “Delia, do you remember when you came to me 7 years ago?”
“I think I do remember,” she said.
“You were also complaining about your husband. You came to me, crying buckets of tears, because you discovered that he was having an affair.”
“Oh, yes…”
“It was the third time you caught him with another girl. And tell me if I’m right, I remember you were complaining that he was also an alcoholic and a gambler.”
“Uh-huh,” she nodded.
“But 6 years ago, God answered your prayer. Your husband came to our prayer meeting, gave his life to God, and is now serving in Church. Overnight, he gave up his girlfriends, his drinking, his smoking, and his gambling.”
“Yes, that was a miracle,” she said.
I told her, “Adultery is against the 6th commandment. Being unromantic isn’t. It’ll be great if he is, and you should tell him what you want. But I think right now, you need to lower your expectations. Accept him for who he is. Nagging him won’t work. Surrender him to God.”
That day, her husband became happier. Because Delia was no longer Demanding Delia but Delighted Delia. Delia made a very simple change in her attitude—but the impact on her relationship was powerful.
It’s these simple “actionable” changes that you’ll learn in my inspiring new book, How To Build A Happy Family, and my powerful video and audio course, Relationships Reborn.
I believe that after 7 sessions of listening to God’s Word about relationships, you’ll see your relationships dramatically change.
Why Only Now
For years, people have been asking me to write a book on family life. “Bo, we need it badly! Our friends need it badly!” they’d say.
But I felt it wasn’t yet the right time.
That is, until now.
Today, I feel I have the credibility.
I’m no longer speaking out of thin air. I’m not speaking from lofty theories, but from my firsthand, face-to-face, belly-to-belly, gritty, daily grind of being married to my beautiful wife of 12 years and raising two of the greatest boys on the planet.
And what have I learned?
That family life is like pushing a luggage cart overflowing with 3 suitcases and 4 balikbayan boxes, complete with a squeaky left wheel, up a steep ramp in the old Manila international airport. (Remember that one? I almost killed people there. I was moving down towards the parking lot. Soon, I no longer had control of my cargo. All my bags and boxes went tumbling down like rocks in a landslide. A poor nun in front of me almost went to Heaven, if she didn’t jump to the side.)
Friend, when it comes to your family, you need to keep pushing upwards. Everyday! You need to renew your family life.
Resting is not an option. The weight is too much. Soon, gravity will pull it going down.
The gravity of selfishness. Indifference. Or just the sheer gamut of distractions around you.
Let me show you a better way.
Get A Divine Porter
I’d like to teach you how to push upwards towards having a fantastic, wonderful, loving family.
Here’s the good news: You don’t have to push alone.
Soon, others in your family will push with you. As you change, in due time, they too will change.
And remember your porter beside you: God is pushing with you. He’s committed to your family. He will make you strong. He will guide your way.
May your dreams come true,
Bo Sanchez
MY THOUGHTS
"you need to keep pushing upward" and "you're not doing it alone". that's worth remembering - always. i don't know what i'd do without family but sometimes things get too much. and we can't let go. because that's the ony family we have. and the only ones who truly truly loves us unconditionally. apart from God.
One day, a friend came up to me with a problem.
Let’s call her Demanding Delia.
Delia was complaining about her husband to me. Next to watching Korean telenovelas, that was her favourite pastime. She said, “Bo, there’s not one romantic bone in my husband’s body. He doesn’t date me. He doesn’t give me flowers. Affection isn’t part of his vocabulary. Oh Bo, can you please talk to my husband?”
Delia is my friend and I could be very frank with her.
I said, “Delia, do you remember when you came to me 7 years ago?”
“I think I do remember,” she said.
“You were also complaining about your husband. You came to me, crying buckets of tears, because you discovered that he was having an affair.”
“Oh, yes…”
“It was the third time you caught him with another girl. And tell me if I’m right, I remember you were complaining that he was also an alcoholic and a gambler.”
“Uh-huh,” she nodded.
“But 6 years ago, God answered your prayer. Your husband came to our prayer meeting, gave his life to God, and is now serving in Church. Overnight, he gave up his girlfriends, his drinking, his smoking, and his gambling.”
“Yes, that was a miracle,” she said.
I told her, “Adultery is against the 6th commandment. Being unromantic isn’t. It’ll be great if he is, and you should tell him what you want. But I think right now, you need to lower your expectations. Accept him for who he is. Nagging him won’t work. Surrender him to God.”
That day, her husband became happier. Because Delia was no longer Demanding Delia but Delighted Delia. Delia made a very simple change in her attitude—but the impact on her relationship was powerful.
It’s these simple “actionable” changes that you’ll learn in my inspiring new book, How To Build A Happy Family, and my powerful video and audio course, Relationships Reborn.
I believe that after 7 sessions of listening to God’s Word about relationships, you’ll see your relationships dramatically change.
Why Only Now
For years, people have been asking me to write a book on family life. “Bo, we need it badly! Our friends need it badly!” they’d say.
But I felt it wasn’t yet the right time.
That is, until now.
Today, I feel I have the credibility.
I’m no longer speaking out of thin air. I’m not speaking from lofty theories, but from my firsthand, face-to-face, belly-to-belly, gritty, daily grind of being married to my beautiful wife of 12 years and raising two of the greatest boys on the planet.
And what have I learned?
That family life is like pushing a luggage cart overflowing with 3 suitcases and 4 balikbayan boxes, complete with a squeaky left wheel, up a steep ramp in the old Manila international airport. (Remember that one? I almost killed people there. I was moving down towards the parking lot. Soon, I no longer had control of my cargo. All my bags and boxes went tumbling down like rocks in a landslide. A poor nun in front of me almost went to Heaven, if she didn’t jump to the side.)
Friend, when it comes to your family, you need to keep pushing upwards. Everyday! You need to renew your family life.
Resting is not an option. The weight is too much. Soon, gravity will pull it going down.
The gravity of selfishness. Indifference. Or just the sheer gamut of distractions around you.
Let me show you a better way.
Get A Divine Porter
I’d like to teach you how to push upwards towards having a fantastic, wonderful, loving family.
Here’s the good news: You don’t have to push alone.
Soon, others in your family will push with you. As you change, in due time, they too will change.
And remember your porter beside you: God is pushing with you. He’s committed to your family. He will make you strong. He will guide your way.
May your dreams come true,
Bo Sanchez
MY THOUGHTS
"you need to keep pushing upward" and "you're not doing it alone". that's worth remembering - always. i don't know what i'd do without family but sometimes things get too much. and we can't let go. because that's the ony family we have. and the only ones who truly truly loves us unconditionally. apart from God.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
happiness genie for your kids?
The One Thing Every Parent Wants
By Dr. Robert Holden
Original Content | December 11, 2009
"If I could wish for one thing in my life, it would be that my children grow up happy," says Diane, a mother of two girls, ages 6 and 2. Diane is not alone. A research study conducted in 67 countries interviewed parents from diverse cultures, faiths and income levels about what they most wished for their children. The number one answer, by a long shot, was happiness. Every parent wants his or her child to be happy. If you are a parent, you know how true this is. Unconditional love is only interested in happiness.
In my happiness course, Be Happy, I give my participants a test called The Happiness Genie for Kids. The idea is that a genie appears in your life and offers you a series of wishes you can make on your children's behalf. Each wish is a forced choice. For example, "I wish my child has wealth or happiness." In the last course, 100 percent of parents chose happiness over wealth; 95 percent chose happiness over academic excellence; 95 percent chose happiness over fame; and 90 percent chose happiness over success.
We know what we want for our children, but how do we do it? Well, first it's important to understand that you cannot make your children happy. That said, there is plenty you can do to encourage them to be happy. The distinction between making and encouraging is a vital one. Parents who believe they can make their children happy are prone to making other mistakes like trying too hard to be a good parent, intervening too much, being overcontrolling and believing they always know what's best for their children.
In adult-to-adult relationships, when a person makes it their mission to make their partner or friend happy, they usually end up disappointed, in unhealthy sacrifice and in a role (full-time employment, more like) as a helper. Similarly, if you believe it is your partner/friend's job to make you happy, you will also be disappointed. What's true for adult-to-adult relationships is also true for parent-child relationships. True happiness isn't something you manufacture for others; it exists in their spiritual DNA already. What you can do is offer encouragement to help bring their happiness out.
Practically everything we do as parents is motivated by a desire to see our children be happy. The good news is that there is much you can do to encourage them to discover true happiness for themselves. Every day, in each moment, you can offer essential encouragement through your loving presence, your own example and your steadfast support. As you encourage your children to be happy, you may notice that something else happens, which is that you become happier too.
5 keys to your child's happiness
Your Happiness Is a Gift
Debra was 27 years old and six months pregnant when she attended one of my happiness courses. When it was Debra's turn to tell the class why she was taking the course, she said, "I believe the best contribution I can make to my baby's well-being is for me to learn how to be truly happy." I remember seeing a room full of people nodding and smiling at having heard a profound truth.
You are your child's first teacher. They will learn essential lessons from you on how to be happy and how not to be happy. Your primary teaching device is your example. Children learn best of all by example; far better than any wise words you might say. Remind yourself, therefore, as often as possible, "My happiness is a gift to others." When you are happy in your own skin, it helps you to relax, to connect, to be intimate and to give yourself unconditionally. Your happiness makes you fun to be around. It brings out the best in you.
Enjoying Being a Parent
When people ask me what it's like being a parent, I tell them that every day is an epic, there are no days off, it takes everything you've got and it's the most enjoyable thing I've ever done . Parenting is full of challenges, and one of the biggest challenges is to not lose sight of the joy of being a parent. When you make a conscious intention to enjoy being a parent, it helps you to be present, to engage fully, to be truly grateful, to see the humor of it all and to be resilient in the tough times.
"Enjoy your baby. They grow up so fast." I've heard this advice a thousand times at least, and I thought I understood what everyone was telling me, but I had no idea just how fast the time goes. It's true that some days can feel like a week, but all of the days quickly turn into weeks, months and years. Asking yourself a question like, "How can I enjoy being a parent today?" can help you make parenting more creative, rewarding and fun along the way and not just in retrospect. The intention to enjoy yourself has magical powers. In old English, the word "enjoy" means "to bring joy."
What you can learn from your children
What You Can Learn from Your Children
An author who is writing a book about happiness interviewed me recently. During our conversation, he asked me, "Generally speaking, how would you teach a child to be happy?" I started to say a few words, but quickly realized I didn't have a proper answer. The next day, having thought it through, I e-mailed him this response: "I wouldn't teach them anything; I'd let them teach me." One of the greatest gifts we can give children is our 100 percent trust that they will work out how to be happy. Happiness is natural to children, and the best thing we can do is not get in the way too much.
Children are great teachers. Being a parent is a chance for us to grow up and become the person we were born to be. Being a parent is also a chance for us to remember to be young again, innocent, playful and full of wonder. Most mornings, I am woken up by Bo, my gorgeous 2 3/4-year-old daughter, who is always fizzing with energy. "Daddy, it's the day!" she says. "Let's have some fun." What a wonderful invitation. Often the sun has yet to come up, but how can I resist? Like my daughter, I too learn by example—and my daughter is a great teacher of happiness to me.
Expressing "I Love You"
One of the most common causes of unhappiness in adults is an unhappy childhood. What makes a childhood unhappy can vary enormously. That said, a common story I hear in my workshops and one-to-one sessions is from adults like Judy, who says: "My parents worked hard to pay the rent, to put food on the table and to clothe us properly. They took care of our physical needs, but I didn't feel met emotionally by them." Judy doesn't mean to sound ungrateful; she is simply acknowledging that young children are hungry for love.
Parenting is about love in action. As a parent, you know deep down that everything you do for your children, you do for love. That you love your children is not in question. That said, a good question to ask yourself is, "How can I love my children today?" Put another way, "How can I express my love so that he/she feels loved?" Remembering to say "I love you" is a great start, and after that you can set about discovering a thousand more ways to say "I love you" without using the words. Always communicate your love, both with and without words. Why? Because love is the most fun you can have with anyone. And because in the final analysis, to love is to be happy.
Robert Holden, PhD, and his innovative work on happiness and well-being have been featured on The Oprah Show and Good Morning America and also in two major BBC TV documentaries, The Happiness Formula and How to Be Happy, shown to more than 30 million TV viewers worldwide. He is the author of the best-selling books Happiness NOW!, Shift Happens! and Success Intelligence. His latest book, Be Happy, is published by Hay House. Robert lives in London with his wife and daughter. For more information, visit RobertHolden.org and BeHappy.net.
MY THOUGHTS
A happiness genie for your kids! well, it seems to be a happiness genie for the parents, too. when your kids are happy, then you're supposed to be the same way. I think the hardest part is letting go, realizing their lives our separate from your own. take note of the word encourage. we cannot make anyone happy. we can only provide the environment where they could be happy. and rememeber that happiness is a state of mind. When they appreciate that you bought from rustan's the same way they appreciate a gift you bought from a tiangge, then i shoiuld say, you're on the right track.
By Dr. Robert Holden
Original Content | December 11, 2009
"If I could wish for one thing in my life, it would be that my children grow up happy," says Diane, a mother of two girls, ages 6 and 2. Diane is not alone. A research study conducted in 67 countries interviewed parents from diverse cultures, faiths and income levels about what they most wished for their children. The number one answer, by a long shot, was happiness. Every parent wants his or her child to be happy. If you are a parent, you know how true this is. Unconditional love is only interested in happiness.
In my happiness course, Be Happy, I give my participants a test called The Happiness Genie for Kids. The idea is that a genie appears in your life and offers you a series of wishes you can make on your children's behalf. Each wish is a forced choice. For example, "I wish my child has wealth or happiness." In the last course, 100 percent of parents chose happiness over wealth; 95 percent chose happiness over academic excellence; 95 percent chose happiness over fame; and 90 percent chose happiness over success.
We know what we want for our children, but how do we do it? Well, first it's important to understand that you cannot make your children happy. That said, there is plenty you can do to encourage them to be happy. The distinction between making and encouraging is a vital one. Parents who believe they can make their children happy are prone to making other mistakes like trying too hard to be a good parent, intervening too much, being overcontrolling and believing they always know what's best for their children.
In adult-to-adult relationships, when a person makes it their mission to make their partner or friend happy, they usually end up disappointed, in unhealthy sacrifice and in a role (full-time employment, more like) as a helper. Similarly, if you believe it is your partner/friend's job to make you happy, you will also be disappointed. What's true for adult-to-adult relationships is also true for parent-child relationships. True happiness isn't something you manufacture for others; it exists in their spiritual DNA already. What you can do is offer encouragement to help bring their happiness out.
Practically everything we do as parents is motivated by a desire to see our children be happy. The good news is that there is much you can do to encourage them to discover true happiness for themselves. Every day, in each moment, you can offer essential encouragement through your loving presence, your own example and your steadfast support. As you encourage your children to be happy, you may notice that something else happens, which is that you become happier too.
5 keys to your child's happiness
Your Happiness Is a Gift
Debra was 27 years old and six months pregnant when she attended one of my happiness courses. When it was Debra's turn to tell the class why she was taking the course, she said, "I believe the best contribution I can make to my baby's well-being is for me to learn how to be truly happy." I remember seeing a room full of people nodding and smiling at having heard a profound truth.
You are your child's first teacher. They will learn essential lessons from you on how to be happy and how not to be happy. Your primary teaching device is your example. Children learn best of all by example; far better than any wise words you might say. Remind yourself, therefore, as often as possible, "My happiness is a gift to others." When you are happy in your own skin, it helps you to relax, to connect, to be intimate and to give yourself unconditionally. Your happiness makes you fun to be around. It brings out the best in you.
Enjoying Being a Parent
When people ask me what it's like being a parent, I tell them that every day is an epic, there are no days off, it takes everything you've got and it's the most enjoyable thing I've ever done . Parenting is full of challenges, and one of the biggest challenges is to not lose sight of the joy of being a parent. When you make a conscious intention to enjoy being a parent, it helps you to be present, to engage fully, to be truly grateful, to see the humor of it all and to be resilient in the tough times.
"Enjoy your baby. They grow up so fast." I've heard this advice a thousand times at least, and I thought I understood what everyone was telling me, but I had no idea just how fast the time goes. It's true that some days can feel like a week, but all of the days quickly turn into weeks, months and years. Asking yourself a question like, "How can I enjoy being a parent today?" can help you make parenting more creative, rewarding and fun along the way and not just in retrospect. The intention to enjoy yourself has magical powers. In old English, the word "enjoy" means "to bring joy."
What you can learn from your children
What You Can Learn from Your Children
An author who is writing a book about happiness interviewed me recently. During our conversation, he asked me, "Generally speaking, how would you teach a child to be happy?" I started to say a few words, but quickly realized I didn't have a proper answer. The next day, having thought it through, I e-mailed him this response: "I wouldn't teach them anything; I'd let them teach me." One of the greatest gifts we can give children is our 100 percent trust that they will work out how to be happy. Happiness is natural to children, and the best thing we can do is not get in the way too much.
Children are great teachers. Being a parent is a chance for us to grow up and become the person we were born to be. Being a parent is also a chance for us to remember to be young again, innocent, playful and full of wonder. Most mornings, I am woken up by Bo, my gorgeous 2 3/4-year-old daughter, who is always fizzing with energy. "Daddy, it's the day!" she says. "Let's have some fun." What a wonderful invitation. Often the sun has yet to come up, but how can I resist? Like my daughter, I too learn by example—and my daughter is a great teacher of happiness to me.
Expressing "I Love You"
One of the most common causes of unhappiness in adults is an unhappy childhood. What makes a childhood unhappy can vary enormously. That said, a common story I hear in my workshops and one-to-one sessions is from adults like Judy, who says: "My parents worked hard to pay the rent, to put food on the table and to clothe us properly. They took care of our physical needs, but I didn't feel met emotionally by them." Judy doesn't mean to sound ungrateful; she is simply acknowledging that young children are hungry for love.
Parenting is about love in action. As a parent, you know deep down that everything you do for your children, you do for love. That you love your children is not in question. That said, a good question to ask yourself is, "How can I love my children today?" Put another way, "How can I express my love so that he/she feels loved?" Remembering to say "I love you" is a great start, and after that you can set about discovering a thousand more ways to say "I love you" without using the words. Always communicate your love, both with and without words. Why? Because love is the most fun you can have with anyone. And because in the final analysis, to love is to be happy.
Robert Holden, PhD, and his innovative work on happiness and well-being have been featured on The Oprah Show and Good Morning America and also in two major BBC TV documentaries, The Happiness Formula and How to Be Happy, shown to more than 30 million TV viewers worldwide. He is the author of the best-selling books Happiness NOW!, Shift Happens! and Success Intelligence. His latest book, Be Happy, is published by Hay House. Robert lives in London with his wife and daughter. For more information, visit RobertHolden.org and BeHappy.net.
MY THOUGHTS
A happiness genie for your kids! well, it seems to be a happiness genie for the parents, too. when your kids are happy, then you're supposed to be the same way. I think the hardest part is letting go, realizing their lives our separate from your own. take note of the word encourage. we cannot make anyone happy. we can only provide the environment where they could be happy. and rememeber that happiness is a state of mind. When they appreciate that you bought from rustan's the same way they appreciate a gift you bought from a tiangge, then i shoiuld say, you're on the right track.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)