The Handwriting On The Wall
Sometimes in the chaos, challenges and inconveniences in our lives, it is possible to miss the smallest message with the biggest impact! The following poem can remind us to look for the messages, not the messes, on the wall.
The Handwriting On The Wall
A weary mother returned from the store, lugging groceries through the kitchen door. Awaiting her arrival was her 8 year old son, anxious to relate what his younger brother had done.
"While I was out playing and Dad was on a call, T.J. took his crayons and wrote on the wall! It's on the new paper you just hung in the den. I told him you'd be mad at having to do it again."
She let out a moan and furrowed her brow, "Where is your little brother right now?" She emptied her arms and with a purposeful stride she marched to his closet where he had gone to hide.
She called his full name as she entered his room. He trembled with fear -- he knew that meant doom! For the next ten minutes, she ranted and raved about the expensive wallpaper.
Lamenting all the work it would take to repair. She condemned his actions and total lack of care. The more she scolded, the madder she got, Then stomped from his room, totally distraught!
She headed for the den to confirm her fears. When she saw the wall, her eyes flooded with tears. The message she read pierced her soul with a dart. It said, "I love Mommy," surrounded by a heart.
Well, the wallpaper remained, just as she found it, with an empty picture frame hung to surround it. A reminder to her, and indeed to all, "Take time to read the handwriting on the wall."
Author unknown
Affirmation for the Week:
"When I am calm and attentive, I am able to receive the powerful messages in my life!"
Have a listening, attentive week!
Mary Rau-Foster
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Mary's book "Motivating Moments" makes a great gift for you, your family and your friends. This 211 page book, with illustrations, is a guaranteed morale booster, as well as thought provoking and inspirational. To learn more and to order online, visit www.motivatingmomentsbook.com or www.workplaceissues.com/motivatingmomentsbook.htm
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Copyright 2011 by Mary Rau-Foster. All rights reserved. However, if you find this information helpful, we grant you permission, and strongly encourage you, to print this page and put it on your bulletin board. Thank you.
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Mary Rau-Foster www.workplaceissues.com
Fostering great communication and cooperation in the workplace.
Foster Seminars and Communications LLC, Brentwood TN 37027 USA
MY THOUGHTS
Last Sunday's message at Christ's Commission Fellowship was about building relationships within families. It talked about 3 Cs - connect, communicate, compliment. Connecting is spending time with your kids-doing things that they want to do, eating (with them) food that they want to eat. Communicating is all about global listening-hearing even the things that are not said. Complimenting is, quite obviously, building-up rather than finding fault. Sounds easy. But it isn't. Especially when you can't make yourself calm and attentive.
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Monday, May 30, 2011
Sunday, April 17, 2011
HEY MOM! TIME TO GET UP
Q&A - How Can I Become a Punctual Person?
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D
Published December 11, 2008
Q: I am 33 years old and have a 3-year-old son. I cannot get up in the mornings, I’m always late and I procrastinate all the time. I need to find motivation. Do you know of a good plan that might help? Do you think this could be hereditary? I need to break the cycle!
-Audra B.
A: Hi Audra,
I remember this issue very well with my younger brother when we were growing up. He didn’t like getting up early either, and as a result, it always created stress and chaos in our daily morning departure to school. My mother used to recite that old motivational phrase in a constant attempt to change his behavior: The early bird gets the worm. Unfortunately, my brother didn’t like worms, so that motivation didn’t seem to get the job done. As was the case with my brother, Audra, my guess is this has nothing to do with your DNA. You say that you can’t get up in the mornings, and I’m willing to bet that it’s more likely you won’t get up in the mornings. I believe the cause is habit, and it can definitely be changed!
First, I suggest you see your doctor to eliminate any physical reasons, but as I said earlier, I think this is more of a bad habit than anything else. With that said, I do have “a plan” for you to try that just may do the trick. I suggest you read This Kitchen Is Under New Management, a concept I developed. Even though the article is directed at weight loss, it will help you understand the basic premise of my suggestion. In short, you need a new manager running your morning wake-up program because the old manager just isn’t getting the job done. If you can perform the mental gymnastics necessary to give this imagery idea a real try, I think you will find a responsible woman inside you who understands the importance of getting up early and being on time. You will also create more calm in your morning routine and provide a valuable life lesson about change and responsibility for your son in the process! And if I do say so myself, at 33, it’s about time!
Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
www.innerdiet.com
Got a question? Ask Dr. Sklare
MY THOUGHTS
Exactly! It's just a bad habit. A very bad habit. Especially if you're a mom and you have kids depending on you.
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D
Published December 11, 2008
Q: I am 33 years old and have a 3-year-old son. I cannot get up in the mornings, I’m always late and I procrastinate all the time. I need to find motivation. Do you know of a good plan that might help? Do you think this could be hereditary? I need to break the cycle!
-Audra B.
A: Hi Audra,
I remember this issue very well with my younger brother when we were growing up. He didn’t like getting up early either, and as a result, it always created stress and chaos in our daily morning departure to school. My mother used to recite that old motivational phrase in a constant attempt to change his behavior: The early bird gets the worm. Unfortunately, my brother didn’t like worms, so that motivation didn’t seem to get the job done. As was the case with my brother, Audra, my guess is this has nothing to do with your DNA. You say that you can’t get up in the mornings, and I’m willing to bet that it’s more likely you won’t get up in the mornings. I believe the cause is habit, and it can definitely be changed!
First, I suggest you see your doctor to eliminate any physical reasons, but as I said earlier, I think this is more of a bad habit than anything else. With that said, I do have “a plan” for you to try that just may do the trick. I suggest you read This Kitchen Is Under New Management, a concept I developed. Even though the article is directed at weight loss, it will help you understand the basic premise of my suggestion. In short, you need a new manager running your morning wake-up program because the old manager just isn’t getting the job done. If you can perform the mental gymnastics necessary to give this imagery idea a real try, I think you will find a responsible woman inside you who understands the importance of getting up early and being on time. You will also create more calm in your morning routine and provide a valuable life lesson about change and responsibility for your son in the process! And if I do say so myself, at 33, it’s about time!
Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
www.innerdiet.com
Got a question? Ask Dr. Sklare
MY THOUGHTS
Exactly! It's just a bad habit. A very bad habit. Especially if you're a mom and you have kids depending on you.
Monday, January 24, 2011
LESSONS FOR A SON
Lessons for a son, just in case
By Jonathan Comey
First Person
January 23, 2011 12:00 AM
I had fairly major surgery a few months ago and, in the nights before the procedure, my mind naturally turned to all of the complications that could ensue.
Especially what I privately referred to, in my own dark way, as the "ultimate complication."
With these thoughts came other thoughts, mostly about my son. When I was a boy, I'd sometimes happen across sealed letters from my mother with my name written on the front. I was told that these were in the event of "¦ well, in the event of ultimate complications.
I never had the urge to read these letters, and scoffed at them in my blissful ignorance, but as the date of that surgery neared 30 years later, I understood my mom completely. Most of raising a child is a mix of maintenance and mischief, but the goal of every parent is for their kids to grow up with a set of values that will serve them well, values that will give them a chance at success, happiness and understanding.
And so, for the first time, I asked myself: What did I want to teach my son about the world if, by chance, I was no longer in it?
Be kind to other people.
Be loyal and cautious. Never stop having fun.
Enjoy all different types of weather. Stay up late during a blizzard or a thunderstorm or a hot summer's night, watch the sky and mull over the meaning of it all.
Always remember that as an American you were born luckier, freer, healthier and more privileged than almost all of the people on earth. It might not always seem so, but most don't have what you take for granted.
Eat anything you want as long as it's in moderation. This is better for you physically and mentally. Don't drink too much. Drugs and cigarettes are very hard to quit and you will eventually want to quit them in the worst way. Don't start.
Try not to judge others. Everyone is shaped by their environment and genetics in ways they can't control. Look for the best parts of people.
Be friendly to older people. They love it. It restores their faith in humanity.
Wear your seatbelt, and never drive drunk. Be a designated driver for others.
The true joy of life is bringing joy to others. Sometimes this can feel like a burden, but it's worth it.
Don't let your friendships fall apart. Once you've made a friend, they feel kinship with you for life, whether they try to keep it alive or not. This also sometimes feels like a burden, but is worth it.
Don't dwell on what should be. Deal with what is and how to make the most of it.
Don't be afraid to commit to love. Focus on what you love about your spouse and not what you don't. Accept that monogamy is difficult.
Don't sweat politics. You can't change the system, and you don't really know what's going on anyway. Put your trust in the people who seem the most real, and hope for the best.
Stay away from war at all costs. Do not join the fight unless the cause is so blindingly just that you have no other choice. Support your country at all times. Don't bash the president. He or she is doing the best they can.
Enjoy as many different types of music, movies and games as you can. There's something wonderful in all of it.
You're never quite as good at things as you think you are, but that's OK. Shooting high usually produces a good result, even if it leaves you feeling unfulfilled.
Grandparents are special in ways that your parents aren't. Let them spoil you, but never be ungrateful.
Don't keep secrets. It's hard to tell the truth sometimes, but secrets make you feel worse.
Be really careful on bicycles and in cars. They are super dangerous.
There is some type of higher power, but I don't know what it is. The unknown can be scary. You'll spend a lot of nights thinking about what it all means, and that's not bad. The mornings will follow.
When people you love die, always keep pictures of them close. It's not easy, knowing they're not around, but your memories can be the next best thing. Talk to them. They are still with you.
Finally, and most importantly: Have kids. It's scary, and it always threatens to break your heart and it's frustrating and it's tiring and it'll clean out your bank account and it'll sometimes make you absolutely crazy "¦ but it's the best part of life.
Jonathan Comey is sports editor of The Standard-Times.
MY THOUGHTS
i don't know why i'm sharing this. maybe because i sometimes think of writing to some people, just in case.
By Jonathan Comey
First Person
January 23, 2011 12:00 AM
I had fairly major surgery a few months ago and, in the nights before the procedure, my mind naturally turned to all of the complications that could ensue.
Especially what I privately referred to, in my own dark way, as the "ultimate complication."
With these thoughts came other thoughts, mostly about my son. When I was a boy, I'd sometimes happen across sealed letters from my mother with my name written on the front. I was told that these were in the event of "¦ well, in the event of ultimate complications.
I never had the urge to read these letters, and scoffed at them in my blissful ignorance, but as the date of that surgery neared 30 years later, I understood my mom completely. Most of raising a child is a mix of maintenance and mischief, but the goal of every parent is for their kids to grow up with a set of values that will serve them well, values that will give them a chance at success, happiness and understanding.
And so, for the first time, I asked myself: What did I want to teach my son about the world if, by chance, I was no longer in it?
Be kind to other people.
Be loyal and cautious. Never stop having fun.
Enjoy all different types of weather. Stay up late during a blizzard or a thunderstorm or a hot summer's night, watch the sky and mull over the meaning of it all.
Always remember that as an American you were born luckier, freer, healthier and more privileged than almost all of the people on earth. It might not always seem so, but most don't have what you take for granted.
Eat anything you want as long as it's in moderation. This is better for you physically and mentally. Don't drink too much. Drugs and cigarettes are very hard to quit and you will eventually want to quit them in the worst way. Don't start.
Try not to judge others. Everyone is shaped by their environment and genetics in ways they can't control. Look for the best parts of people.
Be friendly to older people. They love it. It restores their faith in humanity.
Wear your seatbelt, and never drive drunk. Be a designated driver for others.
The true joy of life is bringing joy to others. Sometimes this can feel like a burden, but it's worth it.
Don't let your friendships fall apart. Once you've made a friend, they feel kinship with you for life, whether they try to keep it alive or not. This also sometimes feels like a burden, but is worth it.
Don't dwell on what should be. Deal with what is and how to make the most of it.
Don't be afraid to commit to love. Focus on what you love about your spouse and not what you don't. Accept that monogamy is difficult.
Don't sweat politics. You can't change the system, and you don't really know what's going on anyway. Put your trust in the people who seem the most real, and hope for the best.
Stay away from war at all costs. Do not join the fight unless the cause is so blindingly just that you have no other choice. Support your country at all times. Don't bash the president. He or she is doing the best they can.
Enjoy as many different types of music, movies and games as you can. There's something wonderful in all of it.
You're never quite as good at things as you think you are, but that's OK. Shooting high usually produces a good result, even if it leaves you feeling unfulfilled.
Grandparents are special in ways that your parents aren't. Let them spoil you, but never be ungrateful.
Don't keep secrets. It's hard to tell the truth sometimes, but secrets make you feel worse.
Be really careful on bicycles and in cars. They are super dangerous.
There is some type of higher power, but I don't know what it is. The unknown can be scary. You'll spend a lot of nights thinking about what it all means, and that's not bad. The mornings will follow.
When people you love die, always keep pictures of them close. It's not easy, knowing they're not around, but your memories can be the next best thing. Talk to them. They are still with you.
Finally, and most importantly: Have kids. It's scary, and it always threatens to break your heart and it's frustrating and it's tiring and it'll clean out your bank account and it'll sometimes make you absolutely crazy "¦ but it's the best part of life.
Jonathan Comey is sports editor of The Standard-Times.
MY THOUGHTS
i don't know why i'm sharing this. maybe because i sometimes think of writing to some people, just in case.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Chinese adults can't take parents' money
Now, Chinese adults can't take parents' money
IANS
Posted on Jan 22, 2011 at 05:14pm IST
Shanghai: In a bid to ensure elderly persons' social welfare, parents in an east China province have been empowered by a new law to decline their adult children's monetary demands.
The People's Congress of Jiangsu province passed an ordinance Friday which forbids adult children from demanding money or belongings from their parents in a forcible way, China Daily reported Saturday.
The provision is widely seen as an attempt to discourage the NEET group - a name used to refer collectively to young people who chose to live off their parents rather than seek steady employment, attend school or enroll in special training.
Zhao Jianyang, director of the administrative law department, Law Committee of the Standing Committee of the People's Congress of Jiangsu, said: "The right conferred on elderly parents to refuse requests for financial support will help parents who have children in the NEET group."
The provision, the first of its kind in China, contains an important caveat - children will not be violating the law if they obtain financial assistance from parents who are willing to lend a hand.
It's part of an ordinance designed to protect the rights of the elderly (those over 60 years old) in Jiangsu.
The ordinance, however, encourages adult children to make regular visits to their parents' homes and take care of their elderly parents.
In one of several recent trends in China, more young people have adopted the NEET lifestyle as a means of leading a more comfortable existence.
According to the statistics released by the China Research Center on Aging last year, up to 30 percent of young people fall into the NEET category and 65 percent of families must contend with NEET children.
The new provision has drawn varying reactions.
Gao Jianming, a 55-year-old teacher in Xuzhou, Jiangsu province, said the provision will benefit him and his ilk.
"I've noticed the NEET problem among my friends whose children are too dependent on their parents, which is wrong. Parents should have the right to enjoy their elderly years with their own money," said Gao.
He also said that the society will benefit from the call for adult children to pay regular visits to their parents.
Jiang Xuelai, a 25-year-old private employee in Wuxi, Jiangsu province, said: "The regulation will likely lead to discord in families and disputes on financial issues."
MY THOUGHTS
we find laws like this to be too invasive. and yet, such laws would not have been enforced, much less thought of, if there was no need for it. the problem with us is we want to be free of restrictions. and it's our immature view of freedom that prompts the need for us to be restricted. maybe we should copy china. maybe there should be a law against parasite children who exploits their parents. and maybe there should be a law against parents who continue to make parasites out of their children.
IANS
Posted on Jan 22, 2011 at 05:14pm IST
Shanghai: In a bid to ensure elderly persons' social welfare, parents in an east China province have been empowered by a new law to decline their adult children's monetary demands.
The People's Congress of Jiangsu province passed an ordinance Friday which forbids adult children from demanding money or belongings from their parents in a forcible way, China Daily reported Saturday.
The provision is widely seen as an attempt to discourage the NEET group - a name used to refer collectively to young people who chose to live off their parents rather than seek steady employment, attend school or enroll in special training.
Zhao Jianyang, director of the administrative law department, Law Committee of the Standing Committee of the People's Congress of Jiangsu, said: "The right conferred on elderly parents to refuse requests for financial support will help parents who have children in the NEET group."
The provision, the first of its kind in China, contains an important caveat - children will not be violating the law if they obtain financial assistance from parents who are willing to lend a hand.
It's part of an ordinance designed to protect the rights of the elderly (those over 60 years old) in Jiangsu.
The ordinance, however, encourages adult children to make regular visits to their parents' homes and take care of their elderly parents.
In one of several recent trends in China, more young people have adopted the NEET lifestyle as a means of leading a more comfortable existence.
According to the statistics released by the China Research Center on Aging last year, up to 30 percent of young people fall into the NEET category and 65 percent of families must contend with NEET children.
The new provision has drawn varying reactions.
Gao Jianming, a 55-year-old teacher in Xuzhou, Jiangsu province, said the provision will benefit him and his ilk.
"I've noticed the NEET problem among my friends whose children are too dependent on their parents, which is wrong. Parents should have the right to enjoy their elderly years with their own money," said Gao.
He also said that the society will benefit from the call for adult children to pay regular visits to their parents.
Jiang Xuelai, a 25-year-old private employee in Wuxi, Jiangsu province, said: "The regulation will likely lead to discord in families and disputes on financial issues."
MY THOUGHTS
we find laws like this to be too invasive. and yet, such laws would not have been enforced, much less thought of, if there was no need for it. the problem with us is we want to be free of restrictions. and it's our immature view of freedom that prompts the need for us to be restricted. maybe we should copy china. maybe there should be a law against parasite children who exploits their parents. and maybe there should be a law against parents who continue to make parasites out of their children.
Friday, January 21, 2011
How to End Sibling Feuds
How to End Sibling Feuds
By Judy Ford, eHow Contributor
Are you tired playing referee between sibling squabbles? Do you sometimes find yourself yelling, "cut it out," to stop your kids from yelling at each other? Sibling rivalry is unavoidable in family life, however helping the kids learn to settle their own conflicts will get you out of the middle. When siblings are teasing one other, bickering over the toys, or fighting about who gets the biggest cookie, it's time to take the battle ground to the peace table. With coaching from you even toddlers can begin settling quarrels with friendly negotiations.
Instructions
1
Look for the underlying cause. To minimize your kid's quarreling recognize what is triggering the outbursts. Is your child tired, hungry, feeling left out, needing more of your attention, or bored? If you suspect that this may be the cause, ask, "What can we do to make things better?'
2
Encourage siblings to talk about what's going on. Talking things through eliminates sulking and whining. You might ask: "I wonder what started this fight? or "Are you willing to tell me what happened?" Or simply say: "Let's talk about it at the peace table."
3
Sit at the peace table. A peace table is a designated spot where everyone can talk with out being interrupted. Each child takes a turn explaining what happened. The peace table is a safe place where everyone gets a chance to be heard.
4
Remind the kids about the rules of conduct: no name calling, no hitting, no shoving allowed. At the peace table everyone gets a turn to listen and a turn to talk.
5
Let all the kids suggest a solution. Don't underestimate kids ability to solve the problems. As the parent you are the leader in the negotiation. Ask each child, "What is your solution?" Remember conflicts are not all bad. In fact solving a disagreement often brings kids closer. Tell the kids, "I know you will figure this out." Tell them that you are glad that they are learning to solve conflicts by negotiating.
6
Don't force togetherness. While it is okay to encourage siblings to share their possessions and toys, it is not okay to force. Forcing causes resentments which leads to more bickering later.
7
Give genuine approval when they work things through and cooperate.
Tips & Warnings
The more you can teach children to solve their own conflicts, the quicker their fighting will end.
Be aware that your children are learning by observing and mimicking how you handle your disagreements.
MY THOUGHTS
that looks easy. try being the peacemaker between squabbling adult siblings. well, the peace table is such a good idea. having that early will probably reduce the adult squabbles.
By Judy Ford, eHow Contributor
Are you tired playing referee between sibling squabbles? Do you sometimes find yourself yelling, "cut it out," to stop your kids from yelling at each other? Sibling rivalry is unavoidable in family life, however helping the kids learn to settle their own conflicts will get you out of the middle. When siblings are teasing one other, bickering over the toys, or fighting about who gets the biggest cookie, it's time to take the battle ground to the peace table. With coaching from you even toddlers can begin settling quarrels with friendly negotiations.
Instructions
1
Look for the underlying cause. To minimize your kid's quarreling recognize what is triggering the outbursts. Is your child tired, hungry, feeling left out, needing more of your attention, or bored? If you suspect that this may be the cause, ask, "What can we do to make things better?'
2
Encourage siblings to talk about what's going on. Talking things through eliminates sulking and whining. You might ask: "I wonder what started this fight? or "Are you willing to tell me what happened?" Or simply say: "Let's talk about it at the peace table."
3
Sit at the peace table. A peace table is a designated spot where everyone can talk with out being interrupted. Each child takes a turn explaining what happened. The peace table is a safe place where everyone gets a chance to be heard.
4
Remind the kids about the rules of conduct: no name calling, no hitting, no shoving allowed. At the peace table everyone gets a turn to listen and a turn to talk.
5
Let all the kids suggest a solution. Don't underestimate kids ability to solve the problems. As the parent you are the leader in the negotiation. Ask each child, "What is your solution?" Remember conflicts are not all bad. In fact solving a disagreement often brings kids closer. Tell the kids, "I know you will figure this out." Tell them that you are glad that they are learning to solve conflicts by negotiating.
6
Don't force togetherness. While it is okay to encourage siblings to share their possessions and toys, it is not okay to force. Forcing causes resentments which leads to more bickering later.
7
Give genuine approval when they work things through and cooperate.
Tips & Warnings
The more you can teach children to solve their own conflicts, the quicker their fighting will end.
Be aware that your children are learning by observing and mimicking how you handle your disagreements.
MY THOUGHTS
that looks easy. try being the peacemaker between squabbling adult siblings. well, the peace table is such a good idea. having that early will probably reduce the adult squabbles.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
If You Don’t Design Your Future, Someone Else Will
Warning: If You Don’t Design Your Future, Someone Else Will
One day, a man came up to me and invited me to speak to their company.
When he told me the date of their conference, I told them I couldn’t make it.
He asked if I could speak the following year, and I declined it too.
He asked if I could speak the year after that—and I said my calendar was still booked for the date.
He asked, “Can we invite you to speak to our group in 2013?”
I began to laugh.
This was getting to be embarrassing.
But the man in front of me wasn’t laughing.
“Bo, I’m serious. You turned down our invitation for 2010, 2011, and 2012. Don’t tell me you’re booked for 2013?”
Here’s the truth: Yes, I was booked.
Some of my appointments are booked until the day I die.
For example?
If you ask me, “Bo, what will you be doing on Tuesday nights in the year 2025?” I’ll answer, “Having dates with my lovely wife.”
How do I know?
Since we got married 12 years ago, I’ve given my Tuesday nights to her.
Having weekly dates with her has been the bedrock of our marriage. Our lifesaver. Our refreshment. Our bond. Our joy.
I also have weekly dates with my 2 boys on Monday afternoon.
I have weekly lunches with my 85-year old Mom on Wednesdays.
These are my non-negotiable appointments in my life.
That’s why my relationships are strong. Vibrant. Life-giving.
That’s why my family life is tight.
I set these appointments for years—no, for decades—in advance.
Why?
Because if you’re not going to design your future, someone else will.
Don’t Let Thieves Steal Away Your Family’s Future
There are thieves that want to steal away your family life.
Thieves like Busyness.
Hurry-titis. (An epidemic today!)
Materialism.
TV addiction.
Selfishness.
Adultery.
Money problems.
Protect your family!
How? Next to God, make your family first.
I’d like to personally invite you to take my 7-Session Online Course, Relationship Reborn. You don’t have to go anywhere. From the comfort of your homes, you can listen or watch me talk about what you can do to enrich your family life. Yes, you can have a great marriage. Yes, you can have a great relationship with your kids.
Don’t leave it to chance. To design the future of your family life, log on at www.FamilyReborn.com now.
May your dreams come true,
Bo Sanchez
PS. Protect your Family Life. What kind of future do you want? To design your future for your family, log on at www.FamilyReborn.com now.
MY THOUGHTS
what kind of thieves do you have? we see them all over. inside our homes. in other homes. what's sad is, we don't even know they are thieves. we think we're being busy for our loved ones, working hard so we can provide for them. only to find that, in out business, in our desire to provide the material things, we have failed to protect our relationships with them. think about this now. before it's too late.
One day, a man came up to me and invited me to speak to their company.
When he told me the date of their conference, I told them I couldn’t make it.
He asked if I could speak the following year, and I declined it too.
He asked if I could speak the year after that—and I said my calendar was still booked for the date.
He asked, “Can we invite you to speak to our group in 2013?”
I began to laugh.
This was getting to be embarrassing.
But the man in front of me wasn’t laughing.
“Bo, I’m serious. You turned down our invitation for 2010, 2011, and 2012. Don’t tell me you’re booked for 2013?”
Here’s the truth: Yes, I was booked.
Some of my appointments are booked until the day I die.
For example?
If you ask me, “Bo, what will you be doing on Tuesday nights in the year 2025?” I’ll answer, “Having dates with my lovely wife.”
How do I know?
Since we got married 12 years ago, I’ve given my Tuesday nights to her.
Having weekly dates with her has been the bedrock of our marriage. Our lifesaver. Our refreshment. Our bond. Our joy.
I also have weekly dates with my 2 boys on Monday afternoon.
I have weekly lunches with my 85-year old Mom on Wednesdays.
These are my non-negotiable appointments in my life.
That’s why my relationships are strong. Vibrant. Life-giving.
That’s why my family life is tight.
I set these appointments for years—no, for decades—in advance.
Why?
Because if you’re not going to design your future, someone else will.
Don’t Let Thieves Steal Away Your Family’s Future
There are thieves that want to steal away your family life.
Thieves like Busyness.
Hurry-titis. (An epidemic today!)
Materialism.
TV addiction.
Selfishness.
Adultery.
Money problems.
Protect your family!
How? Next to God, make your family first.
I’d like to personally invite you to take my 7-Session Online Course, Relationship Reborn. You don’t have to go anywhere. From the comfort of your homes, you can listen or watch me talk about what you can do to enrich your family life. Yes, you can have a great marriage. Yes, you can have a great relationship with your kids.
Don’t leave it to chance. To design the future of your family life, log on at www.FamilyReborn.com now.
May your dreams come true,
Bo Sanchez
PS. Protect your Family Life. What kind of future do you want? To design your future for your family, log on at www.FamilyReborn.com now.
MY THOUGHTS
what kind of thieves do you have? we see them all over. inside our homes. in other homes. what's sad is, we don't even know they are thieves. we think we're being busy for our loved ones, working hard so we can provide for them. only to find that, in out business, in our desire to provide the material things, we have failed to protect our relationships with them. think about this now. before it's too late.
Monday, December 20, 2010
Learn about Holywood Parenting
RIE: Is Hollywood's Latest Parenting Trend Wacky or Smart?
Jenna McCarthy ON Nov 2, 2010 at 12:36PM
There’s a new parenting trend in Hollywood, and for once it has nothing to do with giving your child a wacky name or parading her around town in a stroller that costs as much as a car. RIE, short for Resources for Infant Educarers and pronounced like "wry" (ironic!), is all about getting back to basics and creating an infant-oriented environment devoid of blinking, beeping, buzzing toys and parents who are inclined to swoop in at the first sign of tears. (Famous followers reportedly include Jamie Lee Curtis, Helen Hunt, Tobey Maguire and Felicity Huffman.) The RIE approach, proponents insist, helps raise children who are competent, confident, curious, cooperative, cheerful and aware.
Of course, RIE isn’t new. It was founded in the 1970s by an infant educator and a pediatric neurologist and, admittedly, lots of things about the parenting approach make sense. For instance, followers eschew fancy gadgets, pointing out that busy toys produce passive children who are destined to become tiny TV addicts. Instead, RIE-approved playthings include simple objects babies can use imaginatively in multiple ways, like stacking cups, empty water bottles and wooden spoons. Once the child is engaged, parents are taught to watch and respect the way he or she chooses to interact with a toy and not direct the play. Daily parenting duties -- think diapering, changing, feeding -- are viewed as opportunities to engage and instruct, not tedious roadblocks to playtime.
On the other hand, there are some aspects of RIE that could make it challenging to execute flawlessly. For instance, parents are encouraged not to immediately console a sobbing tot but to view a baby’s cries as intelligent, meaningful communication in need of deciphering. Which is all kinds of enlightened and fabulous in theory -- until you’ve got a career-making conference call or other children sleeping nearby. Similarly, while I agree that the RIE motto “never disturb a contented baby” makes a nice wall plaque, when you’ve got to get another kid to soccer practice, dinner is burning on the stove and the UPS guy is banging on the screen door demanding a signature, sometimes baby’s precious contentment is going to have to be disturbed.
There isn’t much opposition to RIE, save for a few claims that some advocates take the approach to extremes (No singing? No dancing? Didn’t these people see what happened when they tried to ban those in Footloose?), and that even in moderation, notions like “never disturb a contented baby” can be wildly inconvenient. Sort of like parenting in general.
MY THOUGHTS
anything extreme is bad. so, whether your a holywood parent or not, there are some RIE principles that should be taken seriously while some should be discarded.
Jenna McCarthy ON Nov 2, 2010 at 12:36PM
There’s a new parenting trend in Hollywood, and for once it has nothing to do with giving your child a wacky name or parading her around town in a stroller that costs as much as a car. RIE, short for Resources for Infant Educarers and pronounced like "wry" (ironic!), is all about getting back to basics and creating an infant-oriented environment devoid of blinking, beeping, buzzing toys and parents who are inclined to swoop in at the first sign of tears. (Famous followers reportedly include Jamie Lee Curtis, Helen Hunt, Tobey Maguire and Felicity Huffman.) The RIE approach, proponents insist, helps raise children who are competent, confident, curious, cooperative, cheerful and aware.
Of course, RIE isn’t new. It was founded in the 1970s by an infant educator and a pediatric neurologist and, admittedly, lots of things about the parenting approach make sense. For instance, followers eschew fancy gadgets, pointing out that busy toys produce passive children who are destined to become tiny TV addicts. Instead, RIE-approved playthings include simple objects babies can use imaginatively in multiple ways, like stacking cups, empty water bottles and wooden spoons. Once the child is engaged, parents are taught to watch and respect the way he or she chooses to interact with a toy and not direct the play. Daily parenting duties -- think diapering, changing, feeding -- are viewed as opportunities to engage and instruct, not tedious roadblocks to playtime.
On the other hand, there are some aspects of RIE that could make it challenging to execute flawlessly. For instance, parents are encouraged not to immediately console a sobbing tot but to view a baby’s cries as intelligent, meaningful communication in need of deciphering. Which is all kinds of enlightened and fabulous in theory -- until you’ve got a career-making conference call or other children sleeping nearby. Similarly, while I agree that the RIE motto “never disturb a contented baby” makes a nice wall plaque, when you’ve got to get another kid to soccer practice, dinner is burning on the stove and the UPS guy is banging on the screen door demanding a signature, sometimes baby’s precious contentment is going to have to be disturbed.
There isn’t much opposition to RIE, save for a few claims that some advocates take the approach to extremes (No singing? No dancing? Didn’t these people see what happened when they tried to ban those in Footloose?), and that even in moderation, notions like “never disturb a contented baby” can be wildly inconvenient. Sort of like parenting in general.
MY THOUGHTS
anything extreme is bad. so, whether your a holywood parent or not, there are some RIE principles that should be taken seriously while some should be discarded.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
What Cavemen Knew About Parenting
What Cavemen Knew About Parenting (That We Don’t)
Jenna McCarthy ON Sep 24, 2010 at 3:59PM
Most modern, educated moms and dads are hell-bent on raising their children to be smart, sane and successful. We fill our homes with educational toys and props, shuffle our young from bouncy-seat to play mat to swing to keep them engaged, do our best to breastfeed for as many months as we can (unless we have a really good reason not to), and embrace tough-love practices like “crying it out” to foster independence and teach critical skills like self-soothing and falling asleep. Apparently, we’re doing it all wrong.
When researchers at Notre Dame compiled the results of a study looking at why our Neolithic ancestors had more intelligent, happier, better-behaved kids than we do, they came up with a laundry list of the cavemoms’ winning ways. Among them: Breastfeeding for at least two to five years (something most people today would consider “extreme”), immediate response to baby’s cries, constant carrying and natural, drug-free deliveries.
On a positive note, having multiple adult caregivers beyond mom and dad was considered a plus (I’m hoping preschool counts here), along with exposure to multi-age playmates (I gave the first kid a sister; was that enough?).
If you’re pregnant or considering adding to your brood, this is good information to have. But honestly, I’m glad I didn’t have it back when I would have known how much potential damage I was doing to my kids -- or else I would have felt compelled to have them both strapped to me at all times.
MY THOUGHTS
breastfeeding for 5 years? better plan the family well. if you have 2-3 kids one after the other, you won't have time to do anything else but breastfeed!!! but then, what else is there to do for a cavemom?
Jenna McCarthy ON Sep 24, 2010 at 3:59PM
Most modern, educated moms and dads are hell-bent on raising their children to be smart, sane and successful. We fill our homes with educational toys and props, shuffle our young from bouncy-seat to play mat to swing to keep them engaged, do our best to breastfeed for as many months as we can (unless we have a really good reason not to), and embrace tough-love practices like “crying it out” to foster independence and teach critical skills like self-soothing and falling asleep. Apparently, we’re doing it all wrong.
When researchers at Notre Dame compiled the results of a study looking at why our Neolithic ancestors had more intelligent, happier, better-behaved kids than we do, they came up with a laundry list of the cavemoms’ winning ways. Among them: Breastfeeding for at least two to five years (something most people today would consider “extreme”), immediate response to baby’s cries, constant carrying and natural, drug-free deliveries.
On a positive note, having multiple adult caregivers beyond mom and dad was considered a plus (I’m hoping preschool counts here), along with exposure to multi-age playmates (I gave the first kid a sister; was that enough?).
If you’re pregnant or considering adding to your brood, this is good information to have. But honestly, I’m glad I didn’t have it back when I would have known how much potential damage I was doing to my kids -- or else I would have felt compelled to have them both strapped to me at all times.
MY THOUGHTS
breastfeeding for 5 years? better plan the family well. if you have 2-3 kids one after the other, you won't have time to do anything else but breastfeed!!! but then, what else is there to do for a cavemom?
Thursday, November 4, 2010
5 Ways Parents Can Help With Homework
5 Ways Parents Can Help With Homework
Things Teachers Wish Parents Would Do to Help With Homework
By Amanda Morin, About.com Contributing Writer
It's not just your kids who need your help with homework; teachers need your help too. While you may have prepared at home by setting up a homework space, coming up with a homework plan and a plan to make sure it gets into the teacher's hands, there are a few other, more subtle things that your child's teacher needs you to do for homework to be successful.
What You Need to Know About Homework
•Read the homework policy. Teachers know that parents feel like they are drowning in all the paperwork that comes home from school and, if they can help it, won't add unnecessary notices to the pile. However, the homework policy is a memo that parents really ought to read to avoid questions and confusions further down the line. Homework policies outline the important details such as whether or not an assignment will be accepted late, what percentage of your child's grade is based on homework, what resources are considered acceptable for research or even whether assignments need to be written in pen or pencil.
•Ask your child daily about homework. Many students forget to write down homework assignments or wait until the last minute to complete a long-term project. Asking every day about your child's homework (and framing the question so you get more than "Yeah, I have homework") not only shows your child you're invested in his academic success, but also gives you a chance to run him back to school for books he may need, provide help with a tough assignment or help him plan out a schedule for approaching for a long-term project.
•Talk to the teacher if your child is spending too much time on or struggling with assignments. Believe it or not, your child's teacher doesn't want her to spend hours toiling over her homework. The assignment should, for the most part, be practicing a skill she's already learned, preparing for the next day's class or a test or working on a project that goes hand-in-hand with something being learned in class. Homework really shouldn't be that hard and if your child's teacher is sticking to the National Education Association's recommended 10-minute rule, shouldn't take much more than 10 minutes for each grade level she's finished. (i.e. first grade=10 minutes, second grade=20 minutes, etc.) If your child is struggling she may need some extra help or a specialized homework plan that reduces her amount of homework
•Supervise, brainstorm and encourage, but not create, your child's project. How many times have you seen a science fair project that you know is too sophisticated for a third grader to have done by himself? Your child's teacher has probably seen plenty of projects just like them. The point of a project is to teach students to plan, organize and present information all by themselves, not to have the best or most attractive finished product. It's okay to help come up with ideas and to buy supplies, but resist the urge to step in and simply be there for your child.
•Look over completed homework. This one's pretty self-explanatory. Check over your child's homework when he's done with it. The purpose is not only to make sure he's actually done it, but also to make sure it's been done well. Some children rush through assignments and make careless mistakes, while others may misunderstand the directions and do the assignment completely wrong. These are things a quick homework check can help to catch.
MY THOUGHTS
this is very important for us to realize. homeworks are supposed to be for the kids to practice what they already learned in school. teaching a new skill or principle is the teachers job. at home, we're supposed to provide more practice for retention. homeworks are alsoour windows to what's happening in school.
Things Teachers Wish Parents Would Do to Help With Homework
By Amanda Morin, About.com Contributing Writer
It's not just your kids who need your help with homework; teachers need your help too. While you may have prepared at home by setting up a homework space, coming up with a homework plan and a plan to make sure it gets into the teacher's hands, there are a few other, more subtle things that your child's teacher needs you to do for homework to be successful.
What You Need to Know About Homework
•Read the homework policy. Teachers know that parents feel like they are drowning in all the paperwork that comes home from school and, if they can help it, won't add unnecessary notices to the pile. However, the homework policy is a memo that parents really ought to read to avoid questions and confusions further down the line. Homework policies outline the important details such as whether or not an assignment will be accepted late, what percentage of your child's grade is based on homework, what resources are considered acceptable for research or even whether assignments need to be written in pen or pencil.
•Ask your child daily about homework. Many students forget to write down homework assignments or wait until the last minute to complete a long-term project. Asking every day about your child's homework (and framing the question so you get more than "Yeah, I have homework") not only shows your child you're invested in his academic success, but also gives you a chance to run him back to school for books he may need, provide help with a tough assignment or help him plan out a schedule for approaching for a long-term project.
•Talk to the teacher if your child is spending too much time on or struggling with assignments. Believe it or not, your child's teacher doesn't want her to spend hours toiling over her homework. The assignment should, for the most part, be practicing a skill she's already learned, preparing for the next day's class or a test or working on a project that goes hand-in-hand with something being learned in class. Homework really shouldn't be that hard and if your child's teacher is sticking to the National Education Association's recommended 10-minute rule, shouldn't take much more than 10 minutes for each grade level she's finished. (i.e. first grade=10 minutes, second grade=20 minutes, etc.) If your child is struggling she may need some extra help or a specialized homework plan that reduces her amount of homework
•Supervise, brainstorm and encourage, but not create, your child's project. How many times have you seen a science fair project that you know is too sophisticated for a third grader to have done by himself? Your child's teacher has probably seen plenty of projects just like them. The point of a project is to teach students to plan, organize and present information all by themselves, not to have the best or most attractive finished product. It's okay to help come up with ideas and to buy supplies, but resist the urge to step in and simply be there for your child.
•Look over completed homework. This one's pretty self-explanatory. Check over your child's homework when he's done with it. The purpose is not only to make sure he's actually done it, but also to make sure it's been done well. Some children rush through assignments and make careless mistakes, while others may misunderstand the directions and do the assignment completely wrong. These are things a quick homework check can help to catch.
MY THOUGHTS
this is very important for us to realize. homeworks are supposed to be for the kids to practice what they already learned in school. teaching a new skill or principle is the teachers job. at home, we're supposed to provide more practice for retention. homeworks are alsoour windows to what's happening in school.
Friday, May 21, 2010
Facebook Etiquette for Parents
Facebook Etiquette for Parents
5 Tips to Keep Your College Kid or Teen From Unfriending You
By Jackie Burrell, About.com Guide
Social networking is a huge part of teens, tweens and 20somethings' worlds - and, increasingly, their parents' lives too. Here are five Facebook faux pas to avoid, so your children don't "unfriend" you or join an "OMG - My mom friended me" support group.
•Friends: The basic structure of a social network revolves around friends. You invite someone to be your friend, thereby granting access to your profile, photo albums and Facebook "wall," a discussion board where any friend can post comments. On Facebook, a friend invitation can be accepted, declined, ignored or accepted in limited fashion - the new friend can see some, but not all of what's there. Avoid hurt feelings by talking to your kids before you try to "friend" them. Do not try to friend their friends. Let them come to you.
•Walls: Exercise discretion. If you wouldn't say it in front of your child's peers, don't post it on his wall. Wishing someone "Happy Birthday" on his wall is fine. Commenting on his appearance, friends or embarrassing antics from the past? No.
•Groups: Facebook members can join fun little groups of like-minded souls - people who love the same bands, went to the same school or adore Harry Potter - and you can too. Just remember that the decision to join a Facebook group can be inspired by irony, philosophy or simply, "the cool girl next door invited me." Don't overreact when you notice your child just joined the "Marijuana is awesome" group - and remember that the comments you post on group discussion boards can be read by anyone.
•Pokes, Karma and Gifts: Part of the fun of Facebook involves poking people - a little note is sent to the recipient that says "You've been poked. Do you want to poke back?" - and exchanging virtual gifts, Karma points and similar lighthearted activities. You can take quizzes ("Which Disney Princess are you?"), outfit an eco-friendly green plot, or play Roshambo. Caveats: Do not send your child or your child's friends anything racy or alcohol-related. The gift may not be real, but everyone can see it and draw embarrassing conclusions. It's also not cool to invite your child or your child's friends to take the "What's your kissing style?" quiz.
•Don't Embarrass Your Kid: You've lectured your child on the dangers of posting pictures of keggers. Take the same advice yourself. Don't post humiliating or ill-advised photos. Don't post that adorable shot of junior, naked, on a bearskin rug at age 2. The moment you "tag" him - identify him - in a Facebook photo, his friends all get a note that says there's a new photo of him online. And when it comes to photos of yourself, remember it's not just your child's college administrators and prospective employers vetting online sites. Your boss may be looking too.
MY THOUGHTS
"Don't embarass your kids" and don;t embarass yourself. This facebook thing is so easy to use. we can get really caught up and careless. some lines need to be drawn - that's for sure - kids or no kids.
5 Tips to Keep Your College Kid or Teen From Unfriending You
By Jackie Burrell, About.com Guide
Social networking is a huge part of teens, tweens and 20somethings' worlds - and, increasingly, their parents' lives too. Here are five Facebook faux pas to avoid, so your children don't "unfriend" you or join an "OMG - My mom friended me" support group.
•Friends: The basic structure of a social network revolves around friends. You invite someone to be your friend, thereby granting access to your profile, photo albums and Facebook "wall," a discussion board where any friend can post comments. On Facebook, a friend invitation can be accepted, declined, ignored or accepted in limited fashion - the new friend can see some, but not all of what's there. Avoid hurt feelings by talking to your kids before you try to "friend" them. Do not try to friend their friends. Let them come to you.
•Walls: Exercise discretion. If you wouldn't say it in front of your child's peers, don't post it on his wall. Wishing someone "Happy Birthday" on his wall is fine. Commenting on his appearance, friends or embarrassing antics from the past? No.
•Groups: Facebook members can join fun little groups of like-minded souls - people who love the same bands, went to the same school or adore Harry Potter - and you can too. Just remember that the decision to join a Facebook group can be inspired by irony, philosophy or simply, "the cool girl next door invited me." Don't overreact when you notice your child just joined the "Marijuana is awesome" group - and remember that the comments you post on group discussion boards can be read by anyone.
•Pokes, Karma and Gifts: Part of the fun of Facebook involves poking people - a little note is sent to the recipient that says "You've been poked. Do you want to poke back?" - and exchanging virtual gifts, Karma points and similar lighthearted activities. You can take quizzes ("Which Disney Princess are you?"), outfit an eco-friendly green plot, or play Roshambo. Caveats: Do not send your child or your child's friends anything racy or alcohol-related. The gift may not be real, but everyone can see it and draw embarrassing conclusions. It's also not cool to invite your child or your child's friends to take the "What's your kissing style?" quiz.
•Don't Embarrass Your Kid: You've lectured your child on the dangers of posting pictures of keggers. Take the same advice yourself. Don't post humiliating or ill-advised photos. Don't post that adorable shot of junior, naked, on a bearskin rug at age 2. The moment you "tag" him - identify him - in a Facebook photo, his friends all get a note that says there's a new photo of him online. And when it comes to photos of yourself, remember it's not just your child's college administrators and prospective employers vetting online sites. Your boss may be looking too.
MY THOUGHTS
"Don't embarass your kids" and don;t embarass yourself. This facebook thing is so easy to use. we can get really caught up and careless. some lines need to be drawn - that's for sure - kids or no kids.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
5 tips for single moms
Single Like Sandra? Advice for Parenting Alone
by Susanna Schrobsdorff
Like lots of single moms, Sandra Bullock started out married and not intending to raise a child on her own. But in March, when the tabloids revealed that her husband, Jesse James, was a serial cheater, the Oscar winner found herself in the middle of an adoption and a messy divorce. Unlike Angelina Jolie, who went through the same double whammy in 2002 when she adopted son Maddox just after breaking up with husband Billy Bob Thornton, Bullock managed to keep her 3 ½-month-old son, Louis Bardo Bullock, a secret from legions of reporters for months.
But when People debuted the new mom and baby on their cover this week, Sandy’s secret was out. And while most single mothers aren’t stalked by the media and don’t have a celebrity-size budget for nannies and housekeepers, Sandy will still need some serious girlfriend advice from women who know what it’s like to raise kids on their own. (Unless, of course, she follows the Jolie model and ends up with a superdad like Brad Pitt.) Until then, here are top five tips for solo parenting from a mom who's been there before:
1. Open up. Shamelessly pursue friendships with other moms in the same situation. You need at least one friend who truly gets what life is like as a single mom. If you see someone on your child’s school or daycare phone list who has different addresses for each parent, schedule a play date and chat. And check iVillage’s online message boards devoted to single parenthood.
2. Lower your standards. Not for men, but for yourself. Lots of single moms feel like they have to be twice as good of a parent because they’re alone. They put too much pressure on themselves to do everything right to make up for a missing parent. The problem is that there’s no system or checklist that will enable you to be two people at once. You can be one great parent with kids who know they are loved, even if Mom didn’t have time to make something for the school potluck. Accept that, and you’ll have a bit more peace.
3. Find a fairy godmother. If you don’t have family nearby, remember there are people in your life who would love a child to spoil or mentor. Nurture your child’s relationships with these trusted friends who can offer a different outlook on the world. Don’t push, but if someone offers to “babysit,” say, sure—but make it more like a play date. Suggest a movie and pay for it. If things go well, they’ll ask again. You’ll get a break, and your kid gets to bond with someone you respect and like. (Just remember to have your child say thank you in some form.)
4. Date discreetly. For single moms who want to date, life can be a logistical and moral minefield. When do you introduce a guy to the kids? Is it after three dates? Three months? What about grownup sleepovers? Yikes. There’s no rule for this except one: If you can, wait until you’re in a truly committed relationship. There’s no need to remind a single mom that any kid of divorce will be sensitive to breakups, so the fewer of them they witness, the better.
5. Start watching The Brady Bunch reruns. The reality is, if you’re single with kids, many of the guys you’re dating are likely to also be single with kids. This means that you could easily go from being a single mom of two kids to being part of a couple with five kids, at least some of the time depending on the custody arrangements. The good news is you won’t be alone scraping Play-Doh off the couch—the bad news is, there will likely be more of it.
MY THOUGHTS
It's definitely not easy but like everythig else, there are ways of dealing with single parenthood.
by Susanna Schrobsdorff
Like lots of single moms, Sandra Bullock started out married and not intending to raise a child on her own. But in March, when the tabloids revealed that her husband, Jesse James, was a serial cheater, the Oscar winner found herself in the middle of an adoption and a messy divorce. Unlike Angelina Jolie, who went through the same double whammy in 2002 when she adopted son Maddox just after breaking up with husband Billy Bob Thornton, Bullock managed to keep her 3 ½-month-old son, Louis Bardo Bullock, a secret from legions of reporters for months.
But when People debuted the new mom and baby on their cover this week, Sandy’s secret was out. And while most single mothers aren’t stalked by the media and don’t have a celebrity-size budget for nannies and housekeepers, Sandy will still need some serious girlfriend advice from women who know what it’s like to raise kids on their own. (Unless, of course, she follows the Jolie model and ends up with a superdad like Brad Pitt.) Until then, here are top five tips for solo parenting from a mom who's been there before:
1. Open up. Shamelessly pursue friendships with other moms in the same situation. You need at least one friend who truly gets what life is like as a single mom. If you see someone on your child’s school or daycare phone list who has different addresses for each parent, schedule a play date and chat. And check iVillage’s online message boards devoted to single parenthood.
2. Lower your standards. Not for men, but for yourself. Lots of single moms feel like they have to be twice as good of a parent because they’re alone. They put too much pressure on themselves to do everything right to make up for a missing parent. The problem is that there’s no system or checklist that will enable you to be two people at once. You can be one great parent with kids who know they are loved, even if Mom didn’t have time to make something for the school potluck. Accept that, and you’ll have a bit more peace.
3. Find a fairy godmother. If you don’t have family nearby, remember there are people in your life who would love a child to spoil or mentor. Nurture your child’s relationships with these trusted friends who can offer a different outlook on the world. Don’t push, but if someone offers to “babysit,” say, sure—but make it more like a play date. Suggest a movie and pay for it. If things go well, they’ll ask again. You’ll get a break, and your kid gets to bond with someone you respect and like. (Just remember to have your child say thank you in some form.)
4. Date discreetly. For single moms who want to date, life can be a logistical and moral minefield. When do you introduce a guy to the kids? Is it after three dates? Three months? What about grownup sleepovers? Yikes. There’s no rule for this except one: If you can, wait until you’re in a truly committed relationship. There’s no need to remind a single mom that any kid of divorce will be sensitive to breakups, so the fewer of them they witness, the better.
5. Start watching The Brady Bunch reruns. The reality is, if you’re single with kids, many of the guys you’re dating are likely to also be single with kids. This means that you could easily go from being a single mom of two kids to being part of a couple with five kids, at least some of the time depending on the custody arrangements. The good news is you won’t be alone scraping Play-Doh off the couch—the bad news is, there will likely be more of it.
MY THOUGHTS
It's definitely not easy but like everythig else, there are ways of dealing with single parenthood.
Monday, March 1, 2010
Talking to Your Kids About Sex
10 Tips on Talking to Your Kids About Sex
New data shows teen STD and pregnancy rates are rising. Here’s how to help lower your child’s risk.
By: Karen Springen
The news is unsettling for parents of young girls: A new report from the Guttmacher Institute finds that for the first time in more than a decade, teen pregnancy rates are climbing again. The researchers calculated that more than seven percent of teen girls between 15 and 19 became pregnant in 2006, a three-percent increase over the previeous year. Separate data from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) estimates the rate rose another one percent in 2007 (the most recent year that data is available).
That comes on the heels of a CDC study published in the journal Pediatrics in December 2009 that concluded one in four teenaged girls in the U.S. has a sexually transmitted infection. The CDC also found that 15- to 19-year-old girls had the largest number of chlamydia and gonorrhea cases last year compared to every other age group.
Here are 10 tips to help make sure your child doesn't become one of those scary statistics:
1. Start young. If your preschooler asks where babies come from, don’t tell them a stork story. “Explain that men have sperm and women have eggs, and the sperm and the egg get together, and that can form into a baby,” says Mark Schuster, professor of pediatrics at Harvard Medical School and co-author of Everything You Never Wanted Your Kids to Know About Sex But Were Afraid They’d Ask. That helps set the stage for later conversations about sex and pregnancy.
2. Help them set boundaries. Even at an early age, it’s important to discuss “good touch, bad touch”—or what’s appropriate and what’s not, says pediatrician Elizabeth Alderman of Children’s Hospital of Montefiore. Make it clear that your kids should come to you if anyone makes them uncomfortable or behaves inappropriately around them. That can also help lay the groundwork for talking to your daughter later about not feeling pressured to have sex. “Then your child knows, ‘I can talk about these sorts of things with mom or with dad,’” says Dr. Justin Richardson, co-author of Everything You Never Wanted Your Kids to Know About Sex But Were Afraid They’d Ask.
3. Prepare them for puberty. “You do not want your daughter bleeding and not knowing what it is,” says Schuster. Explain to her what menstruation is and that once she gets her period she can also get pregnant. And if your son hasn’t heard about wet dreams, he may think he has peed in his bed, he says. Explaining the changes his body is going through also gives you the opportunity to talk to him about the consequences of sex.
4. Remember that not talking about sex doesn’t mean they won’t have it. Seven percent of high school students say they had vaginal intercourse before they turned 13, according to the CDC. A third of ninth graders say they have had it. “A lot of parents don’t want to talk to their kids about sex for fear that if they talk about it, they give permission to have it,” says Ben Siegel, chair of the American Academy of Pediatrics’ committee on the psychosocial aspects of child and family health. To avoid that, make sure you're clear about the risks that come with having sex.
5. Give them information, but let them know where you stand. Child psychiatrist Elizabeth Berger, author of Raising Kids with Character, says parents should feel comfortable giving their kids the firm message that “sex is for grown-ups.” Even if you’re talking to your kids about the importance of using protection, you can preface it by stating that you don’t support them having sex. “Tell them ‘I’d like you to postpone having sex, but if you are going to have it, use a condom and other birth control’,” says Siegel.
6. Skip “The Talk.” It puts too much pressure on everyone. Instead, sprinkle information about sexuality throughout your child’s life, says Lynda Madaras, author of books like What’s Happening to My Body? Ask your child about what she knows and what she’s heard. Take advantage of “teachable moments.” If there’s a news story about a celebrity teen who is pregnant, for example, use it as an opportunity to bring up the topic and the consequences of having unprotected sex. A car ride can be a good time to chat since your kids don’t need to make eye contact with you and feel embarrassed.
7. Don’t talk down to them. When your child asks a question involving sex, avoid telling them they’re “too young” to talk about the subject or punting to the other parent, says Schuster. Be honest with them and treat their questions seriously. You want them to feel comfortable about approaching you with any concerns or questions they have in the future too. “If we don’t answer when they’re young, when they’re teenagers, they will have learned not to come to us,” he says.
8. Use specific language. Everyone’s heard of the birds and the bees. But when it comes to explaining sex to kids in middle school or older, skip the euphemisms. “Sex is a very ambiguous term. We need to use very precise language,” says Schuster. Explain “vaginal,” “oral” or “anal” sex and that all three can spread diseases. (It’s OK to wait until high school age to bring up anal sex, he says. Phew.) Since girls, and now boys, can get the HPV vaccine as young as age nine, that’s also an opportunity to explain what it is and why they need it. (The shot protects against the four most common strains of HPV, which is the most widespread STD among teen girls and can cause cervical cancer.)
9. Explain what contraception can and can’t do. Let your kids know that while hormonal methods like the Pill prevent pregnancy, condoms protect against disease, says Montefiore’s Alderman. Unfortunately, the data seems to indicate that many of those who are sexually active at a young age use only one or neither. According to the study in Pediatrics, one in five girls who reported having only one lifetime sex partner already had a sexually transmitted infection. According to the CDC, only 16 percent of sexually active teens reported that they or their partner had used birth control pills to prevent pregnancy. (Sixty-one percent said they or their partner had used a condom during last sexual intercourse. But experts say teens should use both.)
10. Forget the scare tactics. “No kid is going to believe us at a certain point if all we do is talk about disease and pregnancy and sex is bad,” says Schuster. “I don’t think we want them terrified. We want them informed.” Don’t feel compelled to start your talks with warnings of STDs. “We want to be careful that the first conversations we have with our kids are not about disease and death,” says Madaras. Instead, even with the youngest kids, let them talk about their goal--whether it’s to open a beauty parlor or become a doctor—and explain how getting pregnant or sick could hamper their plans. Focus on their dreams, says Madaras, and they’re much less likely to put their future, or their health, at risk.
MY THOUGHTS
It's a good thing I don't have kids. This can be really chanllenging for moms and dads!
New data shows teen STD and pregnancy rates are rising. Here’s how to help lower your child’s risk.
By: Karen Springen
The news is unsettling for parents of young girls: A new report from the Guttmacher Institute finds that for the first time in more than a decade, teen pregnancy rates are climbing again. The researchers calculated that more than seven percent of teen girls between 15 and 19 became pregnant in 2006, a three-percent increase over the previeous year. Separate data from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) estimates the rate rose another one percent in 2007 (the most recent year that data is available).
That comes on the heels of a CDC study published in the journal Pediatrics in December 2009 that concluded one in four teenaged girls in the U.S. has a sexually transmitted infection. The CDC also found that 15- to 19-year-old girls had the largest number of chlamydia and gonorrhea cases last year compared to every other age group.
Here are 10 tips to help make sure your child doesn't become one of those scary statistics:
1. Start young. If your preschooler asks where babies come from, don’t tell them a stork story. “Explain that men have sperm and women have eggs, and the sperm and the egg get together, and that can form into a baby,” says Mark Schuster, professor of pediatrics at Harvard Medical School and co-author of Everything You Never Wanted Your Kids to Know About Sex But Were Afraid They’d Ask. That helps set the stage for later conversations about sex and pregnancy.
2. Help them set boundaries. Even at an early age, it’s important to discuss “good touch, bad touch”—or what’s appropriate and what’s not, says pediatrician Elizabeth Alderman of Children’s Hospital of Montefiore. Make it clear that your kids should come to you if anyone makes them uncomfortable or behaves inappropriately around them. That can also help lay the groundwork for talking to your daughter later about not feeling pressured to have sex. “Then your child knows, ‘I can talk about these sorts of things with mom or with dad,’” says Dr. Justin Richardson, co-author of Everything You Never Wanted Your Kids to Know About Sex But Were Afraid They’d Ask.
3. Prepare them for puberty. “You do not want your daughter bleeding and not knowing what it is,” says Schuster. Explain to her what menstruation is and that once she gets her period she can also get pregnant. And if your son hasn’t heard about wet dreams, he may think he has peed in his bed, he says. Explaining the changes his body is going through also gives you the opportunity to talk to him about the consequences of sex.
4. Remember that not talking about sex doesn’t mean they won’t have it. Seven percent of high school students say they had vaginal intercourse before they turned 13, according to the CDC. A third of ninth graders say they have had it. “A lot of parents don’t want to talk to their kids about sex for fear that if they talk about it, they give permission to have it,” says Ben Siegel, chair of the American Academy of Pediatrics’ committee on the psychosocial aspects of child and family health. To avoid that, make sure you're clear about the risks that come with having sex.
5. Give them information, but let them know where you stand. Child psychiatrist Elizabeth Berger, author of Raising Kids with Character, says parents should feel comfortable giving their kids the firm message that “sex is for grown-ups.” Even if you’re talking to your kids about the importance of using protection, you can preface it by stating that you don’t support them having sex. “Tell them ‘I’d like you to postpone having sex, but if you are going to have it, use a condom and other birth control’,” says Siegel.
6. Skip “The Talk.” It puts too much pressure on everyone. Instead, sprinkle information about sexuality throughout your child’s life, says Lynda Madaras, author of books like What’s Happening to My Body? Ask your child about what she knows and what she’s heard. Take advantage of “teachable moments.” If there’s a news story about a celebrity teen who is pregnant, for example, use it as an opportunity to bring up the topic and the consequences of having unprotected sex. A car ride can be a good time to chat since your kids don’t need to make eye contact with you and feel embarrassed.
7. Don’t talk down to them. When your child asks a question involving sex, avoid telling them they’re “too young” to talk about the subject or punting to the other parent, says Schuster. Be honest with them and treat their questions seriously. You want them to feel comfortable about approaching you with any concerns or questions they have in the future too. “If we don’t answer when they’re young, when they’re teenagers, they will have learned not to come to us,” he says.
8. Use specific language. Everyone’s heard of the birds and the bees. But when it comes to explaining sex to kids in middle school or older, skip the euphemisms. “Sex is a very ambiguous term. We need to use very precise language,” says Schuster. Explain “vaginal,” “oral” or “anal” sex and that all three can spread diseases. (It’s OK to wait until high school age to bring up anal sex, he says. Phew.) Since girls, and now boys, can get the HPV vaccine as young as age nine, that’s also an opportunity to explain what it is and why they need it. (The shot protects against the four most common strains of HPV, which is the most widespread STD among teen girls and can cause cervical cancer.)
9. Explain what contraception can and can’t do. Let your kids know that while hormonal methods like the Pill prevent pregnancy, condoms protect against disease, says Montefiore’s Alderman. Unfortunately, the data seems to indicate that many of those who are sexually active at a young age use only one or neither. According to the study in Pediatrics, one in five girls who reported having only one lifetime sex partner already had a sexually transmitted infection. According to the CDC, only 16 percent of sexually active teens reported that they or their partner had used birth control pills to prevent pregnancy. (Sixty-one percent said they or their partner had used a condom during last sexual intercourse. But experts say teens should use both.)
10. Forget the scare tactics. “No kid is going to believe us at a certain point if all we do is talk about disease and pregnancy and sex is bad,” says Schuster. “I don’t think we want them terrified. We want them informed.” Don’t feel compelled to start your talks with warnings of STDs. “We want to be careful that the first conversations we have with our kids are not about disease and death,” says Madaras. Instead, even with the youngest kids, let them talk about their goal--whether it’s to open a beauty parlor or become a doctor—and explain how getting pregnant or sick could hamper their plans. Focus on their dreams, says Madaras, and they’re much less likely to put their future, or their health, at risk.
MY THOUGHTS
It's a good thing I don't have kids. This can be really chanllenging for moms and dads!
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