How to Discipline a Teenager

Discipline: Logical and Natural Consequences

Consequences in Discipline with Teens

By Denise Witmer, About.com Guide

Teens learn about consequences in childhood, from the day they were born. Consequences are outcomes - negative or positive - of a person's action. By their nature, they gauge our behavior because we as humans strive for positive outcomes or consequences or we try our best to avoid negative outcomes and behaviors. When dealing with discipline and teens, there are two types of consequences that you'll need to be concerned with: natural and logical. Both of these types can be positive or negative. To help you get a handle of what each type means, I'll define them and give both a positive and negative example.

Natural consequences occur naturally, hence the name. They are not controlled or manipulated by anyone, they simply just happen but are not always a surprise. When you plant a flower in your garden and take care of it, it grows. That is a positive example of natural consequences. When you put your finger in an electric socket, you get a shock. That is an example of negative natural consequences. Note that natural consequences happen whether you know what the outcome will be or not and you cannot control what the outcome will be.

Logical consequences are situations engineered by the person in authority and they are logically connected to the wrong. It is logical because it "fits" the offense. For example, if your teen breaks curfew, they aren't allowed out the next night or you can tighten the curfew by making it one hour earlier. If they don't eat dinner, they don't get dessert. These are examples of negative logical consequences. Setting up a reward system for good grades and giving the reward when the grade is obtained is an example of a positive logical consequence.

Deciding Between Natural or Logical Consequences

When parents want their children to learn from their mistakes, they have the choice of allowing the child to deal with the natural consequences or set up logical consequences. But how do you choose between the two types of consequences? When is one more effective than the other?
When natural consequences are immediate they are very effective. If your teen touches a hot pot, they will get burned and is not likely to do that again. Many times, however, natural consequences are not immediate or are too dangerous to allow. Running into the street without looking does not always have immediate consequences. Either does not wearing a seat belt when driving. Both actions, though, could have dire natural consequences in the future that no one wants. Therefore, the natural consequences aren't what a parent should use to teach their teen the responsibility of their own safety and it is up to the parents to sort out a logical consequence that will promote the desired behavior - in this instance not running into the street without looking or wearing a seat belt.

Another instance of when logical consequences will be more effective than natural consequences is while your teen is getting a high school education. The benefits of good grades in school are so far off into the future that teens do not fully comprehend them, if they pay attention to them at all. While your teen can repeat what they have been told: 'good grades will get you into a good college and you'll make more money', until they see the type of job or paycheck a college education can get, they will not understand the difference. Logical consequences, including rewards for good grades and privileges taken for poor grades work best as your teen can fully understand these.

There are times when the natural consequence is the better choice for the parent to make. One excellent example is when your teen is dating or making friends. Finding out what type of person your teen wants to be with and how your teen wants to be treated is going to be their choice. Dating or making friends with someone who isn't their type is going to show that to them. Barring any mistreatment from a friend or a date, parents will need to hold their tongue and refrain from giving their opinions in order to let the natural consequences - positive or negative - happen.
Discipline choices are never easy. Hopefully knowing the difference between natural and logical consequences will help you make the right choices for you and your teen. For more, read about clear communication in discipline here.

My Thoughts

I look back at my teen years and I know how hard hard it is for parents. To strike a balance between freedom and discipline is never easy. 

I look at the teenagers in the family and I can see that there's really not much difference between what they are going through now and what we went through years ago.  It's the same banana.  Only, this time, parent have more resources to explore and utilize.  There's the web full of articles on parenting.  There are books.  There are seminars.

I feel sad when I still see parents today who deal with their teenagers in much the same way our parents dealt with us.  It doesn't have to be hit and miss now.  Parenting can be learned.  The consequences of not learning can be awfully damaging.  It's going to be harder to make repairs.

The Handwriting On The Wall

The Handwriting On The Wall

Sometimes in the chaos, challenges and inconveniences in our lives, it is possible to miss the smallest message with the biggest impact! The following poem can remind us to look for the messages, not the messes, on the wall.

The Handwriting On The Wall

A weary mother returned from the store, lugging groceries through the kitchen door. Awaiting her arrival was her 8 year old son, anxious to relate what his younger brother had done.

"While I was out playing and Dad was on a call, T.J. took his crayons and wrote on the wall! It's on the new paper you just hung in the den. I told him you'd be mad at having to do it again."

She let out a moan and furrowed her brow, "Where is your little brother right now?" She emptied her arms and with a purposeful stride she marched to his closet where he had gone to hide.

She called his full name as she entered his room. He trembled with fear -- he knew that meant doom! For the next ten minutes, she ranted and raved about the expensive wallpaper.

Lamenting all the work it would take to repair. She condemned his actions and total lack of care. The more she scolded, the madder she got, Then stomped from his room, totally distraught!

She headed for the den to confirm her fears. When she saw the wall, her eyes flooded with tears. The message she read pierced her soul with a dart. It said, "I love Mommy," surrounded by a heart.

Well, the wallpaper remained, just as she found it, with an empty picture frame hung to surround it. A reminder to her, and indeed to all, "Take time to read the handwriting on the wall."

Author unknown

Affirmation for the Week:

"When I am calm and attentive, I am able to receive the powerful messages in my life!"

Have a listening, attentive week!

Mary Rau-Foster

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Mary's book "Motivating Moments" makes a great gift for you, your family and your friends. This 211 page book, with illustrations, is a guaranteed morale booster, as well as thought provoking and inspirational. To learn more and to order online, visit www.motivatingmomentsbook.com or www.workplaceissues.com/motivatingmomentsbook.htm
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Fostering great communication and cooperation in the workplace.
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MY THOUGHTS

Last Sunday's message at Christ's Commission Fellowship was about building relationships within families. It talked about 3 Cs - connect, communicate, compliment. Connecting is spending time with your kids-doing things that they want to do, eating (with them) food that they want to eat. Communicating is all about global listening-hearing even the things that are not said. Complimenting is, quite obviously, building-up rather than finding fault. Sounds easy. But it isn't. Especially when you can't make yourself calm and attentive.

HEY MOM! TIME TO GET UP

Q&A - How Can I Become a Punctual Person?
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D
Published December 11, 2008

Q: I am 33 years old and have a 3-year-old son. I cannot get up in the mornings, I’m always late and I procrastinate all the time. I need to find motivation. Do you know of a good plan that might help? Do you think this could be hereditary? I need to break the cycle!

-Audra B.

A: Hi Audra,

I remember this issue very well with my younger brother when we were growing up. He didn’t like getting up early either, and as a result, it always created stress and chaos in our daily morning departure to school. My mother used to recite that old motivational phrase in a constant attempt to change his behavior: The early bird gets the worm. Unfortunately, my brother didn’t like worms, so that motivation didn’t seem to get the job done. As was the case with my brother, Audra, my guess is this has nothing to do with your DNA. You say that you can’t get up in the mornings, and I’m willing to bet that it’s more likely you won’t get up in the mornings. I believe the cause is habit, and it can definitely be changed!

First, I suggest you see your doctor to eliminate any physical reasons, but as I said earlier, I think this is more of a bad habit than anything else. With that said, I do have “a plan” for you to try that just may do the trick. I suggest you read This Kitchen Is Under New Management, a concept I developed. Even though the article is directed at weight loss, it will help you understand the basic premise of my suggestion. In short, you need a new manager running your morning wake-up program because the old manager just isn’t getting the job done. If you can perform the mental gymnastics necessary to give this imagery idea a real try, I think you will find a responsible woman inside you who understands the importance of getting up early and being on time. You will also create more calm in your morning routine and provide a valuable life lesson about change and responsibility for your son in the process! And if I do say so myself, at 33, it’s about time!

Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
www.innerdiet.com

Got a question? Ask Dr. Sklare

MY THOUGHTS

Exactly! It's just a bad habit. A very bad habit. Especially if you're a mom and you have kids depending on you.

THIS FAMILY IS UNDER NEW MANAGEMENT

This Kitchen Is Under New Management
Daily Inspiration
John H. Sklare, Ed.D
Published December 13, 2005

For those of you who are working to create a healthier life and fitter body, the challenges are many. But the challenge becomes even more difficult if you happen to live in a house where you are also the one who is responsible for preparing the meals. Particularly if you happen to be a parent and your family doesn’t share your desire for low-fat cooking and healthier living. So, if you are looking for a healthier lifestyle for you and you want to bring your family along for the ride, I have a suggestion that will help you put them on notice!

Sit them all down and tell them that you are going to be changing a few things around here. Let them know that you are going to be cooking healthy foods for them because you love them and care about the entire family’s health. And, since you are in charge of preparing meals, you are going to start taking the responsibility more seriously. Put a sign in your kitchen that reads, “This Kitchen Is Under New Management,” and start taking charge in your house when it comes to healthy living. Show them the way today and they will all thank you later!

Wishing You Great Health!
Dr. John H. Sklare

MY THOUGHTS

It's your kitchen. Your family. You have every right (and responsibility) to manage it. And manage it well. Maybe you should change the sign to "This Family is Under New Management".

HOW TO TEACH KIDS TABLE MANNERS

Etiquette and Kids: How To Teach Good Table Manners

By Stacey Bradford | Jan 31, 2011


I’m embarrassed to admit this but my daughter has atrocious table manners. She can’t sit still for more than a few minutes. Not so long ago, she even went through a doggie phase where she pretended that she was a puppy and ate her meals at our feet. Now that my little girl is officially five-years-old, I’ve decided this behavior must stop.

How do I transform my jumping bean into a well-mannered young lady? In the past I probably would have thrown some money at the problem and enrolled her in etiquette classes. Here in New York City that costs around $200 for four hours of training. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned over the past five years it’s that cash rarely solves problems when the real issues stem from a lack of firm parenting.

So I decided to call Cindy Post Senning, an etiquette expert with The Emily Post Institute, for some guidance on table manners. I wanted to know what I can realistically expect from a five-year-old and what tips she could provide me on how to teach young children to behave properly during meals. Here’s her advice:

Table Manners 101

Believe it or not, by the time a child reaches the age of five he should be able to sit at the table for 20 to 30 minutes, participate in dinner conversation, hold his utensils properly and chew with his mouth closed, says Senning.

Wow, I didn’t realize just how refined a five-year-old can be. Now the question is how I go about changing my child’s mealtime habits to be more inline with other young children’s manners. According to Senning, I should simply explain that the time has come to learn proper table etiquette. Then, since kids like rewards, I should consider offering a small bribe. In my daughter’s case, Senning recommends telling my little girl that once she can sit at the table for 25 minutes she can have her best friend over for dinner. To jump start the process, I may even up the ante and offer a real tea party.

During the transformation period, I think it’s important to set some realistic expectations for your child. I told my daughter, for example, that we will start off with her sitting at the table for 10 minutes and slowly work our way up to half an hour. Then once she is no longer walking around the house during dinner, I can start refining some of her other habits.

Senning also believes table manners are best taught when families eat together. But that doesn’t mean that you must have a formal dinner every night. A handful of group meals throughout a week should be enough to cement some good habits.

Finally, parents need to make an effort and engage their kids during dinner. While you don’t have to converse about super heroes and princesses, it would be helpful to ask about school or what happened at the playground. (Asking what made your child laugh at circle time is always a good conversation starter.) Mothers and fathers should also share something about their day, but they need to make sure to explain the details in a way little ones can understand.

Table manners, of course, are more complex than just sitting through dinner and learning to chew with one’s mouth closed. So I have to admit that there may come a time when I do invest in etiquette lessons. But I think that day won’t come until my little girl is in high school. In the meantime, I’ll try my best to lead by example and make sure to keep a copy of Emily Post’s Table Manners for Kids handy.

MY THOUGHTS

may i add that TV should be banned during mealtimes. mealtimes are the best times for nice, easy conversations with the kids. and if you're training them on table manners, i don't think TV will help.

AN ALTERNATIVE TO NAGGING

GIVING TIMELY FEEDBACK (An alternative to 'NAGGING")
from the aricle "How to Give Feedback That Works"
By Kimberly Weisul | February 11, 2011

Every manager (and parent) knows that constructive feedback is key to improving performance. But what makes the feedback most effective? It turns out timing is almost everything.

Here are key Principles:

Reserach Findings:

- Giving people feedback after a “short delay”– shortly after they completed a task–actually improved performance more than offering up the same feedback immediately. Wait too long, though, and the feedback again becomes useless.

- Immediate feedback prevents people from learning from their mistakes. Those who got feedback right away were least likely to keep exploring on their own.

- Wait before offering advice. Waiting a short time before offering advice seemed to give the individual a chance to learn on their own, and then to incorporate the advice.

- Wait too long after the task is completed, and the feedback seems to fall on deaf ears. They seemed to find the information more confusing than helpful.

- Feedback given at the ‘wrong’ moment is pretty much pointless. Those who got help immediately and those who got it after a long delay were more likely to say they did not get enough information to complete the maze.

When do you typically give people feedback–or when have you received feedback? What time works best for you?

MY THOUGHTS

originally, i was planning to post this under 'workplace communication'. on hind sight, it seems to be helpful tips for giving feedback at home, too. in fact, parents and older relatives should try to apply this principle when dealing with the younger generation. no wonder all our well-meaning 'talks' keep falling on deaf ears! out timingis probably off most of the time.

LESSONS FOR A SON

Lessons for a son, just in case
By Jonathan Comey
First Person
January 23, 2011 12:00 AM

I had fairly major surgery a few months ago and, in the nights before the procedure, my mind naturally turned to all of the complications that could ensue.

Especially what I privately referred to, in my own dark way, as the "ultimate complication."

With these thoughts came other thoughts, mostly about my son. When I was a boy, I'd sometimes happen across sealed letters from my mother with my name written on the front. I was told that these were in the event of "¦ well, in the event of ultimate complications.

I never had the urge to read these letters, and scoffed at them in my blissful ignorance, but as the date of that surgery neared 30 years later, I understood my mom completely. Most of raising a child is a mix of maintenance and mischief, but the goal of every parent is for their kids to grow up with a set of values that will serve them well, values that will give them a chance at success, happiness and understanding.

And so, for the first time, I asked myself: What did I want to teach my son about the world if, by chance, I was no longer in it?

Be kind to other people.

Be loyal and cautious. Never stop having fun.

Enjoy all different types of weather. Stay up late during a blizzard or a thunderstorm or a hot summer's night, watch the sky and mull over the meaning of it all.

Always remember that as an American you were born luckier, freer, healthier and more privileged than almost all of the people on earth. It might not always seem so, but most don't have what you take for granted.

Eat anything you want as long as it's in moderation. This is better for you physically and mentally. Don't drink too much. Drugs and cigarettes are very hard to quit and you will eventually want to quit them in the worst way. Don't start.

Try not to judge others. Everyone is shaped by their environment and genetics in ways they can't control. Look for the best parts of people.

Be friendly to older people. They love it. It restores their faith in humanity.

Wear your seatbelt, and never drive drunk. Be a designated driver for others.

The true joy of life is bringing joy to others. Sometimes this can feel like a burden, but it's worth it.

Don't let your friendships fall apart. Once you've made a friend, they feel kinship with you for life, whether they try to keep it alive or not. This also sometimes feels like a burden, but is worth it.

Don't dwell on what should be. Deal with what is and how to make the most of it.

Don't be afraid to commit to love. Focus on what you love about your spouse and not what you don't. Accept that monogamy is difficult.

Don't sweat politics. You can't change the system, and you don't really know what's going on anyway. Put your trust in the people who seem the most real, and hope for the best.

Stay away from war at all costs. Do not join the fight unless the cause is so blindingly just that you have no other choice. Support your country at all times. Don't bash the president. He or she is doing the best they can.

Enjoy as many different types of music, movies and games as you can. There's something wonderful in all of it.

You're never quite as good at things as you think you are, but that's OK. Shooting high usually produces a good result, even if it leaves you feeling unfulfilled.

Grandparents are special in ways that your parents aren't. Let them spoil you, but never be ungrateful.

Don't keep secrets. It's hard to tell the truth sometimes, but secrets make you feel worse.

Be really careful on bicycles and in cars. They are super dangerous.

There is some type of higher power, but I don't know what it is. The unknown can be scary. You'll spend a lot of nights thinking about what it all means, and that's not bad. The mornings will follow.

When people you love die, always keep pictures of them close. It's not easy, knowing they're not around, but your memories can be the next best thing. Talk to them. They are still with you.

Finally, and most importantly: Have kids. It's scary, and it always threatens to break your heart and it's frustrating and it's tiring and it'll clean out your bank account and it'll sometimes make you absolutely crazy "¦ but it's the best part of life.

Jonathan Comey is sports editor of The Standard-Times.

MY THOUGHTS

i don't know why i'm sharing this. maybe because i sometimes think of writing to some people, just in case.

If You Don’t Design Your Future, Someone Else Will

Warning: If You Don’t Design Your Future, Someone Else Will

One day, a man came up to me and invited me to speak to their company.
When he told me the date of their conference, I told them I couldn’t make it.
He asked if I could speak the following year, and I declined it too.
He asked if I could speak the year after that—and I said my calendar was still booked for the date.
He asked, “Can we invite you to speak to our group in 2013?”
I began to laugh.
This was getting to be embarrassing.
But the man in front of me wasn’t laughing.
“Bo, I’m serious. You turned down our invitation for 2010, 2011, and 2012. Don’t tell me you’re booked for 2013?”
Here’s the truth: Yes, I was booked.
Some of my appointments are booked until the day I die.
For example?
If you ask me, “Bo, what will you be doing on Tuesday nights in the year 2025?” I’ll answer, “Having dates with my lovely wife.”
How do I know?
Since we got married 12 years ago, I’ve given my Tuesday nights to her.
Having weekly dates with her has been the bedrock of our marriage. Our lifesaver. Our refreshment. Our bond. Our joy.
I also have weekly dates with my 2 boys on Monday afternoon.
I have weekly lunches with my 85-year old Mom on Wednesdays.
These are my non-negotiable appointments in my life.
That’s why my relationships are strong. Vibrant. Life-giving.
That’s why my family life is tight.
I set these appointments for years—no, for decades—in advance.
Why?
Because if you’re not going to design your future, someone else will.

Don’t Let Thieves Steal Away Your Family’s Future

There are thieves that want to steal away your family life.
Thieves like Busyness.
Hurry-titis. (An epidemic today!)
Materialism.
TV addiction.
Selfishness.
Adultery.
Money problems.
Protect your family!
How? Next to God, make your family first.

I’d like to personally invite you to take my 7-Session Online Course, Relationship Reborn. You don’t have to go anywhere. From the comfort of your homes, you can listen or watch me talk about what you can do to enrich your family life. Yes, you can have a great marriage. Yes, you can have a great relationship with your kids.
Don’t leave it to chance. To design the future of your family life, log on at www.FamilyReborn.com now.

May your dreams come true,

Bo Sanchez

PS. Protect your Family Life. What kind of future do you want? To design your future for your family, log on at www.FamilyReborn.com now.

MY THOUGHTS

what kind of thieves do you have? we see them all over. inside our homes. in other homes. what's sad is, we don't even know they are thieves. we think we're being busy for our loved ones, working hard so we can provide for them. only to find that, in out business, in our desire to provide the material things, we have failed to protect our relationships with them. think about this now. before it's too late.

DR. WILLIAM PETIT ON THE UNSPEAKABLE TRAGEDY IN CONNECTICUT

IN HIS FIRST INTERVIEW: GRIEVING HUSBAND AND FATHER DR. WILLIAM PETIT ON THE UNSPEAKABLE TRAGEDY IN CONNECTICUT

In one of the most horrific crimes in recent memory, the Petit family was destroyed during an unimaginable night of evil that left people across the country gasping in horror. Three years later, Oprah visits Dr. William Petit at his parents' Connecticut home to talk about the tragic loss of his family and the strength he found to move forward.

Dr. Petit had been married to his wife, Jennifer, a nurse, for 22 years. Their 17-year-old daughter Hayley was captain of her high school basketball team and headed to Dartmouth College in the fall. Eleven-year-old Michaela loved to cook and was just starting to come into her own.

On a Sunday morning in July 2007, the close-knit Petit family attended church services in their Connecticut suburb like they usually did. The beautiful weather and typical summer day gave no premonition of the terror about to take place.

According to police, a convicted felon who was out on parole randomly spotted Jennifer and Michaela at a neighborhood convenience store. After following them home, 44-year-old Steven Hayes and 26-year-old Joshua Komisarjevsky allegedly plotted out a horrific home invasion.

Michaela cooked Sunday dinner for her family that night, and Dr. Petit fell asleep reading the paper while the girls watched television and headed off to bed.

At 3 a.m., the two armed intruders broke in. Dr. Petit was the first victim, bludgeoned with a baseball bat and tied unconscious to a pole in the basement. Jennifer, Hayley and Michaela were bound to their beds and tortured throughout the night.

At daybreak, Jennifer was forced to go to a bank and withdraw money for her kidnappers. She slipped a note to the bank teller explaining her family's hostage situation and withdrew $15,000, desperately hoping it would save her family's lives.

Instead, the unthinkable happened. Michaela was allegedly sexually assaulted while tied to her childhood bed. Just minutes after returning from the bank with the money, Jennifer was raped and strangled to death. Her body and the house were doused with gasoline.

Meanwhile, Dr. Petit woke up in the basement. With his feet still bound, he hopped up the stairs and crawled across the yard to a neighbor's house to get help—but it was too late. The Petits' home quickly went up in flames. Hayley managed to free herself from her restraints but died at the top of the stairs from smoke inhalation. Michaela died still bound to her bed. Their mother's body was burned beyond recognition.

"I went to sleep one night in a nice home with a loving family and basically awakened in an emergency room naked on a gurney with no clothes, no family, no home," Dr. Petit says. "Everything was gone."

According to police, just minutes after the house set on fire, Hayes and Komisarjevsky stole the family's minivan and crashed head-on into a police roadblock while trying to flee the gruesome scene.

Although it was extremely difficult, Dr. Petit was present every day of Steven Hayes' trial. "I was the only face left in our family, so I needed to be there," he says. Dr. Petit says he left the room during the medical examiner's reports. "Too much to hear. I cried," he says.

More than three years after the murders, Hayes was convicted on all counts except arson and sentenced to death. After the verdict was given, Dr. Petit spoke from outside the courthouse. "This is a verdict for justice," he said. "I think the defendant faces far more serious punishment from the Lord than he can ever face from mankind."

Jury selection for the trial of Hayes' alleged co-conspirator, Komisarjevsky, is expected to begin in February 2011. Kominsarjevsky has pled not guilty to all charges.

Oprah: Was there any satisfaction for you [in Hayes] getting the death penalty as a sentence?

Dr. Petit: Just the satisfaction that I think it's the appropriate penalty. I think God wants us to hate evil. I think God tells us to abide by man's law.

Oprah: How did it feel to you to sit in that courtroom every day and have your family referred to as "the victims" or "alleged victims" and have the perpetrator of this crime referred to by his name every day?

Dr. Petit: It's the death by a thousand paper cuts. You're absolutely right. You sit there and they talk about the "alleged victims." And I always think, "I will drive you to the cemetery and show you the 'alleged victims.'" You know? The decedents. You want to jump up and say: "They have names. They're people. Their names were Jennifer and Hayley and Michaela."

Although the media has been fixated on how the Petit women died, Dr. Petit wants the world to remember how they lived. Jennifer Hawke met Dr. Petit in 1981 when he was a doctor and she was a pediatric nurse at the same hospital. They married four years later and had two daughters. Jennifer suffered from multiple sclerosis, but those who knew her say she never complained.

Family and friends say Jennifer loved being a mother and raising her girls and was also a second mom to students at the boarding school where she worked. "The boarding school life, there are a lot of kids from far away," Dr. Petit says. "So she spent a lot of time with the kids—part nurse and part mother."

Dr. Petit has not returned to his medical practice since losing his family, but he thinks Jennifer would want him to. "She'd probably want me to go back to medicine," he says. "Wives are prejudiced. She said I was the smartest guy she ever knew."

Jennifer and Dr. Petit's oldest daughter, Hayley, excelled in school and served as co-captain of both her high school basketball and rowing teams. She was an "A" student and was headed to prestigious Dartmouth College with dreams of becoming a doctor like her father. Hayley wrote her college admissions essay about her dad, who gave her her first doctor's bag at the age of 4.

Hayley was a caring big sister and a natural leader. She started Hayley's Hope, an organization to raise money for multiple sclerosis in hopes of saving her mom.

In Dr. Petit's impact statement, he said one of the things he will regret most is that Hayley didn't live to have a one true love. Hayley was not dating, but Dr. Petit says he knows there was one boy who was very special to her. "He's a wonderful kid," he says. "He's a varsity basketball player, and I think she loved him."

Michaela, the Petits' youngest daughter, was also known as KK Rosebud, a special nickname her dad gave her. She was a sixth-grader who loved to dance and jump on the trampoline. She had a talent for gardening, and although she was just 11 years old, her true passion was cooking. Dr. Petit says Michaela loved to watch the Food Network and cooked the family's last meal, bruschetta and pasta.

Michaela's favorite quote was: "Be the change you wish to see in the world."

At his family's memorial service, Dr. Petit says he had a strong need to speak for Jennifer, Hayley and Michaela. "If there's anything to be gained from the senseless deaths of my beautiful family, it's for us to all go forward," he said. "Help a neighbor, fight for a cause, love your family."

Oprah: Are you able to think of their life and the fullness of their life? Or are you still more focused on the day they died and how they died?

Dr. Petit: There's some of both. The daytime's easier to focus on positive things. Falling asleep and waking up are the hardest times. The transitions from sleep to wakefulness. It pretty much comes back every day.

Oprah: Do you fear going to sleep?

Dr. Petit: In the beginning, I feared sleeping. ... I was completely fried. I was just walking around in a daze, and just intrusive thoughts banging into your brain every second, every minute, where you're playing events over and over and over again in your mind.

Dr. Petit's extended family is as close as families get. His sister Hanna Chapman was best friends with Jennifer. And Hanna always treated her brother's daughters like they were her own children.

When police needed someone to identify the bodies of Jennifer, Hayley and Michaela, they asked Hanna and Dr. Petit's brother Glenn to go. Hanna says she still struggles with what she saw at the police station. "On top of my pain, I have the horrid images of the torture that they suffered for seven hours in that house, in their sanctuary, in their bedrooms in the middle of the night in the dark," she says. "I can't help but think what they were thinking, or what they were saying, and what they were praying for."

Despite the emotional toll of identifying her family members' bodies—Jennifer's was so disfigured she had to be identified using dental records—Hanna says she doesn't have second thoughts about agreeing to the request. "I don't regret having done it; I regret having to do it," she says. "I regret that they asked any one of us to do it. I regret the fact that this evil came into their home."

Dr. Petit says some people have tried to help him cope with grief by advising him to live in the moment. "I thought, 'That's okay for people who have a past they can touch and a future they can dream for,'" he says. "But when you feel like a lot of your past is gone and there's no future, the present loses some meaning."

Instead, Dr. Petit says he has found a reason to keep living—though he says he thought about suicide—through religion and faith. "I thought in the afterlife if I was going to meet up with my family, if I did that, then maybe I would never meet up with them again," he says. "I wasn't willing to take that chance."

Oprah: Will there ever be closure for you?

Dr. Petit: I don't think there's ever closure. I just...I don't think there is. People will probably argue with me, but I just don't think you can lose your whole family and have closure. Like I said, there's a jagged hole in your heart, there's a jagged hole in your soul. Over time, the waves of goodness going back and forth maybe smooth the jagged edges a little bit, but the hole remains. I don't think you fill it in. Forty months later, that's how I feel.

Started with money donated by friends, community members and complete strangers, the Petit Family Foundation preserves the memory of Jennifer, Hayley and Michaela by promoting causes the Petit women held close to their hearts. So far, the foundation has raised more than $1.5 million.

"What we are trying to do is to fund educational programs, especially in the sciences, and hopefully that will help young women," Dr. Petit says. "Secondly, to help perhaps with the educational aspects of some chronic illnesses like multiple sclerosis—that Jen had—and certainly to help those affected by violence."

Dr. Petit says the foundation has helped him see that the world is not only darkness and evil. "It makes me feel that there are really a lot of good people in the world that reach out," he says. "You know, somebody from California wrote in and said: 'Here's my check for $500. This is for scholarships for women. You're going to get this from me every year until the day I die because of your daughter Hayley.'"

MY THOUGHTS

i thought the vizconde case was bad enough. this certainly is worse. except, of course, dr.petit got justice. but he's right, in time, he will heal. but there will always be a hole. i don't really have much to say. what can you say when something like this happens.

Learn about Holywood Parenting

RIE: Is Hollywood's Latest Parenting Trend Wacky or Smart?
Jenna McCarthy ON Nov 2, 2010 at 12:36PM

There’s a new parenting trend in Hollywood, and for once it has nothing to do with giving your child a wacky name or parading her around town in a stroller that costs as much as a car. RIE, short for Resources for Infant Educarers and pronounced like "wry" (ironic!), is all about getting back to basics and creating an infant-oriented environment devoid of blinking, beeping, buzzing toys and parents who are inclined to swoop in at the first sign of tears. (Famous followers reportedly include Jamie Lee Curtis, Helen Hunt, Tobey Maguire and Felicity Huffman.) The RIE approach, proponents insist, helps raise children who are competent, confident, curious, cooperative, cheerful and aware.

Of course, RIE isn’t new. It was founded in the 1970s by an infant educator and a pediatric neurologist and, admittedly, lots of things about the parenting approach make sense. For instance, followers eschew fancy gadgets, pointing out that busy toys produce passive children who are destined to become tiny TV addicts. Instead, RIE-approved playthings include simple objects babies can use imaginatively in multiple ways, like stacking cups, empty water bottles and wooden spoons. Once the child is engaged, parents are taught to watch and respect the way he or she chooses to interact with a toy and not direct the play. Daily parenting duties -- think diapering, changing, feeding -- are viewed as opportunities to engage and instruct, not tedious roadblocks to playtime.

On the other hand, there are some aspects of RIE that could make it challenging to execute flawlessly. For instance, parents are encouraged not to immediately console a sobbing tot but to view a baby’s cries as intelligent, meaningful communication in need of deciphering. Which is all kinds of enlightened and fabulous in theory -- until you’ve got a career-making conference call or other children sleeping nearby. Similarly, while I agree that the RIE motto “never disturb a contented baby” makes a nice wall plaque, when you’ve got to get another kid to soccer practice, dinner is burning on the stove and the UPS guy is banging on the screen door demanding a signature, sometimes baby’s precious contentment is going to have to be disturbed.

There isn’t much opposition to RIE, save for a few claims that some advocates take the approach to extremes (No singing? No dancing? Didn’t these people see what happened when they tried to ban those in Footloose?), and that even in moderation, notions like “never disturb a contented baby” can be wildly inconvenient. Sort of like parenting in general.

MY THOUGHTS

anything extreme is bad. so, whether your a holywood parent or not, there are some RIE principles that should be taken seriously while some should be discarded.

5 Ways Parents Can Help With Homework

5 Ways Parents Can Help With Homework
Things Teachers Wish Parents Would Do to Help With Homework
By Amanda Morin, About.com Contributing Writer

It's not just your kids who need your help with homework; teachers need your help too. While you may have prepared at home by setting up a homework space, coming up with a homework plan and a plan to make sure it gets into the teacher's hands, there are a few other, more subtle things that your child's teacher needs you to do for homework to be successful.

What You Need to Know About Homework
•Read the homework policy. Teachers know that parents feel like they are drowning in all the paperwork that comes home from school and, if they can help it, won't add unnecessary notices to the pile. However, the homework policy is a memo that parents really ought to read to avoid questions and confusions further down the line. Homework policies outline the important details such as whether or not an assignment will be accepted late, what percentage of your child's grade is based on homework, what resources are considered acceptable for research or even whether assignments need to be written in pen or pencil.

•Ask your child daily about homework. Many students forget to write down homework assignments or wait until the last minute to complete a long-term project. Asking every day about your child's homework (and framing the question so you get more than "Yeah, I have homework") not only shows your child you're invested in his academic success, but also gives you a chance to run him back to school for books he may need, provide help with a tough assignment or help him plan out a schedule for approaching for a long-term project.

•Talk to the teacher if your child is spending too much time on or struggling with assignments. Believe it or not, your child's teacher doesn't want her to spend hours toiling over her homework. The assignment should, for the most part, be practicing a skill she's already learned, preparing for the next day's class or a test or working on a project that goes hand-in-hand with something being learned in class. Homework really shouldn't be that hard and if your child's teacher is sticking to the National Education Association's recommended 10-minute rule, shouldn't take much more than 10 minutes for each grade level she's finished. (i.e. first grade=10 minutes, second grade=20 minutes, etc.) If your child is struggling she may need some extra help or a specialized homework plan that reduces her amount of homework

•Supervise, brainstorm and encourage, but not create, your child's project. How many times have you seen a science fair project that you know is too sophisticated for a third grader to have done by himself? Your child's teacher has probably seen plenty of projects just like them. The point of a project is to teach students to plan, organize and present information all by themselves, not to have the best or most attractive finished product. It's okay to help come up with ideas and to buy supplies, but resist the urge to step in and simply be there for your child.

•Look over completed homework. This one's pretty self-explanatory. Check over your child's homework when he's done with it. The purpose is not only to make sure he's actually done it, but also to make sure it's been done well. Some children rush through assignments and make careless mistakes, while others may misunderstand the directions and do the assignment completely wrong. These are things a quick homework check can help to catch.

MY THOUGHTS

this is very important for us to realize. homeworks are supposed to be for the kids to practice what they already learned in school. teaching a new skill or principle is the teachers job. at home, we're supposed to provide more practice for retention. homeworks are alsoour windows to what's happening in school.

Tips for Families: what's happening at day care

12 Things That Happen at Daycare That You Don't Know About, Mom

Your Child May Be Calling the Daycare Teachers “Mommy”
Your Child May Sit in a Wet Diaper for Longer Than She’s Used To
Hand Washing is Less of a Rule, More of a Happenstance
Children May Be Getting Their Teeth Brushed After Meals
Your Child Might be Watching TV
Your Child May Behave Very Differently at Daycare Than He Does at Home
The Child Care Instructors Are Trying to Wean Your Child Off the Blanket, Paci or Bottle
The Kids are Being Moved from Room to Room, So There is Never an Accurate Head Count Or a Consistent Student-to-Teacher Ratio
Unmarked Matching Sippy Cups are Often Confused with Each Other and Mixed Up
That Separation Anxiety Your Daughter Exhibited When You First Dropped Her Off? Not Even an Afterthought
A Staffer Is Using Certain Religious Terms with Your Child, or Teaching Him Religious Values
Daycare Workers are Often Underpaid and Required to Do Additional Work, So There Maybe a High Turnover

Kids, especially young ones, often transfer feelings of affection from one person to another -- and the language that goes with it. If your children spend all day with someone who is feeding them, changing them, hugging them and treating their boo-boos, it’s perfectly normal for your child to attach the name usually reserved for that role -- “mommy” -- to that person. Often the daycare worker will be embarrassed that she’s been given this name, however, and forgo telling the parent.

What to do: Don’t take it personally. It doesn’t mean your child loves you less, or wants to pack a bag and move in with “Miss Kathy.” She may just be confused about who mommy really is. Consider it a bonus that your child is being well-cared for and loved.


You can sniff out a wet diaper -- or feel one -- almost upon impact, but in daycare your child might be sitting in a soggy nappie for an hour or two before it’s changed. Depending on the center, diapers may be changed every two to four hours -- which means if Little Mimi makes a wee-wee right after the Huggies have been checked, she’ll be damp for a while.

What to do: If your child is getting diaper rashes, your first line of defense is a heavy coating of diaper cream in the morning before drop off. Also, talk to your daycare provider -- often the changing schedules are simply guidelines, and the staff won’t mind giving your baby’s bum more frequent feel tests.


According to the medical journal, Infectious Diseases in Children, one-third of daycare facilities surveyed had "poor hand washing techniques and no policy for hand washing before eating or after playing outside." A sick child sucks his fingers (and who are we kidding? -- there are sick children in daycare), then puts those fingers on a toy, on a paintbrush, in the playdough, another child touches it and -- bingo! We’ve got a viral sniffle.

What to do: Inquire, inquire, inquire. Ask about hand-washing procedures and rules, and ask to see the sink where it all happens. Is there clean and available soap? Clean towels and proper waste disposal? Are workers required to wash hands after changing a diaper? Do the children scrub up before snacks and meals? There should be rules, and if there aren’t, offer to make some or ask that some be made.


Children May Be Getting Their Teeth Brushed After Meals Your Child Might be Watching TV
Your Child May Behave Very Differently at Daycare Than He Does at Home
In January, a Massachusetts law passed requiring daycare centers to help children brush their teeth after meals due to a recent study that found an increase in children's tooth decay. While the mandate isn’t exactly sweeping the nation, other centers are following suit. The centers even provide the brushes, caps and paste.

What to do: Enjoy the extra brushing! Even though the rule is to brush twice a day, in the morning and evening, some dentists also recommend a good cleaning after meals and snacks.


Your Child Might be Watching TV Your Child May Behave Very Differently at Daycare Than He Does at Home

What to do: Let everyone at the center know you want feedback -- good or bad. Otherwise, if the staff doesn't know you want details about tantrums, tears, or turmoil, you might be left in the dark.

Personnel have different shifts throughout the day, so you could drop off little Tommy smiling and placid, then and pick him up the same way -- but never talk to the staff member who, in the middle of the day, had to remove him from the lunch table because he didn’t like the color of his lunch-table chair. If she didn’t have time to write you a note describing the episode, you might never know about your kid's behavior glitches.

What to do: Let everyone at the center know you want feedback -- good or bad. Otherwise, if the staff doesn't know you want details about tantrums, tears, or turmoil, you might be left in the dark.

Some daycare centers don’t allow bottles or blankets because they carry germs, are extra things to keep track of and are often a crutch for socializing. Parents usually consider this a bonus -- and appreciate the help in weaning their kid off the ba-ba or paci completely.

What to do: Think your kid’s paci is a must-have transition tool that helps comfort him or her in your absence? Then be sure to inquire about or pick a daycare center that allows pacifiers, bottles, blankets or stuffies. However, try not to alleviate separation anxiety with a new item -- especially the paci -- it can be harder to give up as your kid gets older.


The Kids are Being Moved from Room to Room, So There is Never an Accurate Head Count Or a Consistent Student-to-Teacher Ratio Unmarked Matching Sippy Cups are Often Confused with Each Other and Mixed Up
That Separation Anxiety Your Daughter Exhibited When You First Dropped Her Off? Not Even an Afterthought
A Staffer Is Using Certain Religious Terms with Your Child, or Teaching Him Religious Values
Daycare Workers are Often Underpaid and Required to Do Additional Work, So There Maybe a High Turnover
Kids, especially young ones, often transfer feelings of affection from one person to another -- and the language that goes with it. If your children spend all day with someone who is feeding them, changing them, hugging them and treating their boo-boos, it’s perfectly normal for your child to attach the name usually reserved for that role -- “mommy” -- to that person. Often the daycare worker will be embarrassed that she’s been given this name, however, and forgo telling the parent.

What to do: Don’t take it personally. It doesn’t mean your child loves you less, or wants to pack a bag and move in with “Miss Kathy.” She may just be confused about who mommy really is. Consider it a bonus that your child is being well-cared for and loved.
Filed Under: child care, day care
You can sniff out a wet diaper -- or feel one -- almost upon impact, but in daycare your child might be sitting in a soggy nappie for an hour or two before it’s changed. Depending on the center, diapers may be changed every two to four hours -- which means if Little Mimi makes a wee-wee right after the Huggies have been checked, she’ll be damp for a while.

According to the medical journal, Infectious Diseases in Children, one-third of daycare facilities surveyed had "poor hand washing techniques and no policy for hand washing before eating or after playing outside." A sick child sucks his fingers (and who are we kidding? -- there are sick children in daycare), then puts those fingers on a toy, on a paintbrush, in the playdough, another child touches it and -- bingo! We’ve got a viral sniffle.

Stacey Bradford, a mother in New York City with two daughters, ages four and 10 months, discovered that her first daycare center was violating a state health code that limited each classroom to 10 children in the under-2 age group (ratios vary from state to state, and from at-home daycares to larger ones). “I realized that there were 18 children at times, but they were being moved from room to room so you couldn’t tell how many there were,” she says.

What to do: Drop in at unexpected times, without warning to check the ratio of your daycare. You can say, "I just wanted to say hi to Stella!" Count the teachers and the children in the room and if the numbers are out of whack, speak to the director. If the problem continues? Look elsewhere. “You can find quality places that will take care good of your child and follow the rules,” says Bradford.

Unmarked Matching Sippy Cups are Often Confused with Each Other and Mixed Up

Some centers provide sippy cups for the children to make it easier for parents to pack up and get out the door in the morning. Sometimes they're matching and unmarked. The toddler snack table can be chaotic sometimes, and another kid might pick up another child’s cup and take a sip -- and we all know how quickly an object can travel from a gimme-gimme hand to a drooling mouth.

What to do: Ask if you can leave a labeled cup at the school for your child (also offer to take it home at night to wash it). This will ensure that at the least your kid will be given the same cup every day. Now, if only we could control those little snatchers...

The person who took your crying, kicking child from your arms in the morning may not be the one who signs her out to you in the afternoon. So you wonder -- how long did the crying last? Often no time at all -- the minute you hit the door she was off playing and laughing with friends. You leave the daycare with the image of her forlorn face and end up thinking that's how she looks all day. When in fact she does an immediate 180 and plays her heart out until you pick her up.

What to do: Call the center when you get to work and ask how your kid is doing. Most of the time, you’ll hear that your child started whistling Dixie the minute you drove away. If not, you can continue to check in and won’t have to wonder.

A Staffer Is Using Certain Religious Terms with Your Child, or Teaching Him Religious Values Daycare Workers are Often Underpaid and Required to Do Additional Work, So There Maybe a High Turnover

What to do: Certain companies such as KinderView based in Boston, Mass., will place cameras in daycare centers that parents can watch from any computer during the day. Many daycares are welcoming these cameras into their centers because they put parents at ease, and parents enjoy the audio/visual connection they get. They are also able to spot any practices or behaviors that make them uncomfortable -- either from the staff or the children. Knowing you’re watching will put them on their best behavior, and make the staff more open to feedback. There might be a logical explanation or reason for any behavior you might find sketchy.

Daycare Workers are Often Underpaid and Required to Do Additional Work, So There Maybe a High Turnover

Daycare workers make an average of $7 to $10 per hour, less than their counterparts who participate in "back to college" programs, says Sara Lisa Raff, an educational consultant and early childhood education instructor for a “back to college” program. Raff says she sees very high turnover in childcare staff. “I knew of one daycare that had almost no cleaning staff and left the teachers to do much of the cleaning during after school hours,” she says.

What to do: The staff is arguably the most important factor when choosing a daycare. Talk to the director and all the personnel and ask how long they’ve been there, and get a feel for how much they really like their jobs. Ask if they give bonuses, their vacation and benefits policies and any other indications of morale. Based on their answers, you can decide if that specific daycare will give your child a sense of security and consistency.

MY THOUGHTS

i can imagine how difficult it could be to leave your child in the hands of stangers - even if they are professional hands. the advice in this article are meant to lessen our anxiety.it pays to take heed.

Do You Make These Mistakes In Your Family Life?

Do You Make These Mistakes In Your Family Life?

One day, a friend came up to me with a problem.
Let’s call her Demanding Delia.
Delia was complaining about her husband to me. Next to watching Korean telenovelas, that was her favourite pastime. She said, “Bo, there’s not one romantic bone in my husband’s body. He doesn’t date me. He doesn’t give me flowers. Affection isn’t part of his vocabulary. Oh Bo, can you please talk to my husband?”
Delia is my friend and I could be very frank with her.
I said, “Delia, do you remember when you came to me 7 years ago?”
“I think I do remember,” she said.
“You were also complaining about your husband. You came to me, crying buckets of tears, because you discovered that he was having an affair.”
“Oh, yes…”
“It was the third time you caught him with another girl. And tell me if I’m right, I remember you were complaining that he was also an alcoholic and a gambler.”
“Uh-huh,” she nodded.
“But 6 years ago, God answered your prayer. Your husband came to our prayer meeting, gave his life to God, and is now serving in Church. Overnight, he gave up his girlfriends, his drinking, his smoking, and his gambling.”
“Yes, that was a miracle,” she said.
I told her, “Adultery is against the 6th commandment. Being unromantic isn’t. It’ll be great if he is, and you should tell him what you want. But I think right now, you need to lower your expectations. Accept him for who he is. Nagging him won’t work. Surrender him to God.”
That day, her husband became happier. Because Delia was no longer Demanding Delia but Delighted Delia. Delia made a very simple change in her attitude—but the impact on her relationship was powerful.
It’s these simple “actionable” changes that you’ll learn in my inspiring new book, How To Build A Happy Family, and my powerful video and audio course, Relationships Reborn.
I believe that after 7 sessions of listening to God’s Word about relationships, you’ll see your relationships dramatically change.

Why Only Now

For years, people have been asking me to write a book on family life. “Bo, we need it badly! Our friends need it badly!” they’d say.
But I felt it wasn’t yet the right time.
That is, until now.
Today, I feel I have the credibility.
I’m no longer speaking out of thin air. I’m not speaking from lofty theories, but from my firsthand, face-to-face, belly-to-belly, gritty, daily grind of being married to my beautiful wife of 12 years and raising two of the greatest boys on the planet.
And what have I learned?
That family life is like pushing a luggage cart overflowing with 3 suitcases and 4 balikbayan boxes, complete with a squeaky left wheel, up a steep ramp in the old Manila international airport. (Remember that one? I almost killed people there. I was moving down towards the parking lot. Soon, I no longer had control of my cargo. All my bags and boxes went tumbling down like rocks in a landslide. A poor nun in front of me almost went to Heaven, if she didn’t jump to the side.)
Friend, when it comes to your family, you need to keep pushing upwards. Everyday! You need to renew your family life.
Resting is not an option. The weight is too much. Soon, gravity will pull it going down.
The gravity of selfishness. Indifference. Or just the sheer gamut of distractions around you.
Let me show you a better way.

Get A Divine Porter

I’d like to teach you how to push upwards towards having a fantastic, wonderful, loving family.
Here’s the good news: You don’t have to push alone.
Soon, others in your family will push with you. As you change, in due time, they too will change.
And remember your porter beside you: God is pushing with you. He’s committed to your family. He will make you strong. He will guide your way.

May your dreams come true,

Bo Sanchez

MY THOUGHTS

"you need to keep pushing upward" and "you're not doing it alone". that's worth remembering - always. i don't know what i'd do without family but sometimes things get too much. and we can't let go. because that's the ony family we have. and the only ones who truly truly loves us unconditionally. apart from God.

Feeling guilty as a Wowking Mom

MSNBC's Mika Brzezinski: Why Working Moms Should Stop Feeling Guilty
Susanna Schrobsdorff ON Jan 25, 2010 at 1:02PM


Women now make up 50 percent of the American workforce. Now if only working moms could shed 50 percent of the guilt they carry around. Mastering the life-balance thing may be an impossible quest, but MSNBC's Mika Brzezinski has come out with a refreshingly candid book about her bumpy ride to the top of TV news and why she believes that the time she spends building her career is as good for her two daughters, ages 11 and 13, as the time she spends at home.

Her story has struck a chord. The book, All Things at Once, just became a New York Times bestseller and her tour has been packed with long lines of admiring women (and men). Of course, Brzezinski, 42, is no ordinary working mom. She's up at 3:30 am every day to cohost an influential political show, Morning Joe, and she follows that up with a radio broadcast.

The straight-talking Brzezinski spoke to iVillage about her job, her book and the lessons she learned after she became so exhausted that she fell down the stairs holding her infant daughter, leaving the baby with a broken leg.

You caused some controversy recently when you wrote a blog post saying women shouldn't put off having kids till their career is established.

I've been really misunderstood on this so I'll try and be as clear as I can. If children and family are something you want in your life, I would not put off looking for that to happen. If the opportunity for love strikes in your 20's, and you hold off till your mid-30s because there's some rule that you have to wait till your career is at a certain point before you can have a kid, you are an idiot. I'm not saying go back to the 1950s, I'm saying, look, it's hard to find a good guy so increase your chances by starting at an early age, just like you do for your job.

So how do you do all things at once and still do them well?

For me, my career would be nothing if I didn't have kids that have grown through it with me. You don't need to have your career first then have kids and keep them in separate boxes. Think of them of them as a set of cultivating experiences that can interrelate in a challenging, tough and incredibly fulfilling way. If you want to nurture the career, your kids will survive. If you love the work, if it's true to your identity, you will be a more cultivated, happier person and that's good for the kids. You're growing yourself for them.

You wrote that after you fell with your baby daughter you re-evaluated your life and got more childcare. Why is it so hard for women to ask for help?

I think we as mothers who work feel a tremendous friction in our own minds about transferring the authority over our children to someone else. We feel guilty about it and we're control freaks. We leave the house and think, "Are they doing it right?" But you have to let go. I learned that by making the worst mistake of my life. I wanted to show the world I could be supermom and have this amazing network job. I wanted to be all things to all people. I learned after the accident with Carlie -- which was the worst way to have to learn a lesson because that accident was my fault -- that if I'm going to work, that there are times I have got to let people help.

Is it difficult to switch into mom mode after work?

There are times when I work for three days straight and I barely see my daughters. I just kiss them good night because I'm better off not seeing them because it's hard for me to transition. Then I'll throw myself into them for like 36 hours. I know that's very unpredictable for them, and guess what, that's my household.

You're in amazing shape. How do you manage that on top of work and your family?

I get home and I'm dead tired -- I've been up since 3:30 in the morning, and I want to sleep so badly -- but I've got to jog at least a few miles and I'll have a little less time with the kids but I will have run and I'll feel better with them. Exercise is essential for me. No excuses. Do you need to look like a supermodel? No. But do you want to feel exhausted and overweight for your husband and your kids and your job? Is that the best way to present yourself? No.

Any advice for new moms who are going back to work?

First: Put away the guilt. You're going back to work, face it and get the job done. Stop with the tears. Celebrate it. You're doing this not only for yourself, but for your kids. Second: Don't try to overcompensate when you come home. Work on your time management realistically. And take care of yourself. Do not let yourself fall apart because you will pay for that in the end and so will your kids and your marriage.

Do you have guilt about being a working mom -- and how do you deal with it?


MY THOUGHTS

I'm not a mom but i know how difficult it is to try and balance work and personal concerns. Taking care of things all at once is not a godd idea. In my book, the best is still to compartmentalize and concentrate - one thing at a time. I found out that if I work really hard on workdays, I can have quality time for myself and mky family on weekends. Of course, it doesn;t always happen that way. But work on weekends or personal concerns on workweeks is more of an exception. The thing is, the more effective you are at work, the more you you find yourself effective at home.