Lessons for a son, just in case
By Jonathan Comey
First Person
January 23, 2011 12:00 AM
I had fairly major surgery a few months ago and, in the nights before the procedure, my mind naturally turned to all of the complications that could ensue.
Especially what I privately referred to, in my own dark way, as the "ultimate complication."
With these thoughts came other thoughts, mostly about my son. When I was a boy, I'd sometimes happen across sealed letters from my mother with my name written on the front. I was told that these were in the event of "¦ well, in the event of ultimate complications.
I never had the urge to read these letters, and scoffed at them in my blissful ignorance, but as the date of that surgery neared 30 years later, I understood my mom completely. Most of raising a child is a mix of maintenance and mischief, but the goal of every parent is for their kids to grow up with a set of values that will serve them well, values that will give them a chance at success, happiness and understanding.
And so, for the first time, I asked myself: What did I want to teach my son about the world if, by chance, I was no longer in it?
Be kind to other people.
Be loyal and cautious. Never stop having fun.
Enjoy all different types of weather. Stay up late during a blizzard or a thunderstorm or a hot summer's night, watch the sky and mull over the meaning of it all.
Always remember that as an American you were born luckier, freer, healthier and more privileged than almost all of the people on earth. It might not always seem so, but most don't have what you take for granted.
Eat anything you want as long as it's in moderation. This is better for you physically and mentally. Don't drink too much. Drugs and cigarettes are very hard to quit and you will eventually want to quit them in the worst way. Don't start.
Try not to judge others. Everyone is shaped by their environment and genetics in ways they can't control. Look for the best parts of people.
Be friendly to older people. They love it. It restores their faith in humanity.
Wear your seatbelt, and never drive drunk. Be a designated driver for others.
The true joy of life is bringing joy to others. Sometimes this can feel like a burden, but it's worth it.
Don't let your friendships fall apart. Once you've made a friend, they feel kinship with you for life, whether they try to keep it alive or not. This also sometimes feels like a burden, but is worth it.
Don't dwell on what should be. Deal with what is and how to make the most of it.
Don't be afraid to commit to love. Focus on what you love about your spouse and not what you don't. Accept that monogamy is difficult.
Don't sweat politics. You can't change the system, and you don't really know what's going on anyway. Put your trust in the people who seem the most real, and hope for the best.
Stay away from war at all costs. Do not join the fight unless the cause is so blindingly just that you have no other choice. Support your country at all times. Don't bash the president. He or she is doing the best they can.
Enjoy as many different types of music, movies and games as you can. There's something wonderful in all of it.
You're never quite as good at things as you think you are, but that's OK. Shooting high usually produces a good result, even if it leaves you feeling unfulfilled.
Grandparents are special in ways that your parents aren't. Let them spoil you, but never be ungrateful.
Don't keep secrets. It's hard to tell the truth sometimes, but secrets make you feel worse.
Be really careful on bicycles and in cars. They are super dangerous.
There is some type of higher power, but I don't know what it is. The unknown can be scary. You'll spend a lot of nights thinking about what it all means, and that's not bad. The mornings will follow.
When people you love die, always keep pictures of them close. It's not easy, knowing they're not around, but your memories can be the next best thing. Talk to them. They are still with you.
Finally, and most importantly: Have kids. It's scary, and it always threatens to break your heart and it's frustrating and it's tiring and it'll clean out your bank account and it'll sometimes make you absolutely crazy "¦ but it's the best part of life.
Jonathan Comey is sports editor of The Standard-Times.
MY THOUGHTS
i don't know why i'm sharing this. maybe because i sometimes think of writing to some people, just in case.
Showing posts with label memories. Show all posts
Showing posts with label memories. Show all posts
Monday, January 24, 2011
Friday, June 18, 2010
lessons from our fathers
Lessons from My Father
By Craig Robinson
Father's Day, Craig Robinson, author of The Challenge of the Game and brother to first lady Michelle Obama, reflects on what it means to be a father and the lessons his father passed down.
This is my 18th year celebrating Father's Day as a father, made even more special due to the recent birth of my third child. When I'm not thinking about how quickly the time has gone, I find myself reminiscing about my own father, Fraser Robinson III. Along with the role of father, he was my first coach, my first teacher and my first mentor.
He was the one who taught me how to throw my first curveball, shared with me his top secret, "un-returnable" pingpong serve—only to be used in dire situations—and showed me how to shoot a basketball with either hand. But his lessons weren't limited to athletic endeavors. He showed me how to make a bed like a soldier, how to drive defensively and courteously and how to create a habit of saving, even on the meager salary he made.
I can still remember the day he brought home his month's salary in a stack of cash. I thought we were rich! Then, slowly but carefully, my father used envelopes to show me how he paid the bills. Soon enough, there was just $20 left to the stack, and my father explained that this was how he took care of our family's affection for take-out or a trip to the drive-in now and then. It became clear to me that my parents made many sacrifices to make the lives of my sister, Michelle, and I as secure and comfortable as possible—going so far as to finance both of our Ivy League educations solely on credit cards.
Some of my father's most important lessons were simply taught by example. The less tangible lessons of hard work, discipline and character were evident in his daily life. Getting up and out for work every day with no complaints and in spite of his ongoing battle with multiple sclerosis. The grace with which he acted as family patriarch dealing with problems and doling out advice without ever being patronizing or appearing put upon. The chivalry he showed my mother. He showed me that a real man takes care of his family.
The patience, courtesy and love my father showed my sister, mother and myself was extended to everyone he met. He is with me every time I hold a door open for my wife, sit down to answer a question from one of my children or offer advice to a member of my team. When I was younger, I would try to emulate my father, down to the limp he sported due to his illness. On this Father's Day, I realize that I have been trying to emulate his parenting all these years. I can only hope that my children can learn half as much from me as I learned from him.
On this day that we honor fathers, let us pay tribute not just to our fathers and grandfathers, but to all of the important influences in our lives. And for those of us who are lucky enough to be fathers, let us remember that there is no end to the lessons we have to teach and to learn.
MY THOUGHTS
My father was always away - working! maybe that's what we learned the most from him - sacrificing the self for the love of family, for that desire to make things better for your kids, for being away so that we have food on the table and money for tuition fee, for not being there so we can get to experience life as they never did. the times we spent with our dad was not as much as we would have wanted. but the times he worked for us cannot be accounted for. we are who we are now because of our "tata" and our "nana". yes, we are lucky to be their kids.
By Craig Robinson
Father's Day, Craig Robinson, author of The Challenge of the Game and brother to first lady Michelle Obama, reflects on what it means to be a father and the lessons his father passed down.
This is my 18th year celebrating Father's Day as a father, made even more special due to the recent birth of my third child. When I'm not thinking about how quickly the time has gone, I find myself reminiscing about my own father, Fraser Robinson III. Along with the role of father, he was my first coach, my first teacher and my first mentor.
He was the one who taught me how to throw my first curveball, shared with me his top secret, "un-returnable" pingpong serve—only to be used in dire situations—and showed me how to shoot a basketball with either hand. But his lessons weren't limited to athletic endeavors. He showed me how to make a bed like a soldier, how to drive defensively and courteously and how to create a habit of saving, even on the meager salary he made.
I can still remember the day he brought home his month's salary in a stack of cash. I thought we were rich! Then, slowly but carefully, my father used envelopes to show me how he paid the bills. Soon enough, there was just $20 left to the stack, and my father explained that this was how he took care of our family's affection for take-out or a trip to the drive-in now and then. It became clear to me that my parents made many sacrifices to make the lives of my sister, Michelle, and I as secure and comfortable as possible—going so far as to finance both of our Ivy League educations solely on credit cards.
Some of my father's most important lessons were simply taught by example. The less tangible lessons of hard work, discipline and character were evident in his daily life. Getting up and out for work every day with no complaints and in spite of his ongoing battle with multiple sclerosis. The grace with which he acted as family patriarch dealing with problems and doling out advice without ever being patronizing or appearing put upon. The chivalry he showed my mother. He showed me that a real man takes care of his family.
The patience, courtesy and love my father showed my sister, mother and myself was extended to everyone he met. He is with me every time I hold a door open for my wife, sit down to answer a question from one of my children or offer advice to a member of my team. When I was younger, I would try to emulate my father, down to the limp he sported due to his illness. On this Father's Day, I realize that I have been trying to emulate his parenting all these years. I can only hope that my children can learn half as much from me as I learned from him.
On this day that we honor fathers, let us pay tribute not just to our fathers and grandfathers, but to all of the important influences in our lives. And for those of us who are lucky enough to be fathers, let us remember that there is no end to the lessons we have to teach and to learn.
MY THOUGHTS
My father was always away - working! maybe that's what we learned the most from him - sacrificing the self for the love of family, for that desire to make things better for your kids, for being away so that we have food on the table and money for tuition fee, for not being there so we can get to experience life as they never did. the times we spent with our dad was not as much as we would have wanted. but the times he worked for us cannot be accounted for. we are who we are now because of our "tata" and our "nana". yes, we are lucky to be their kids.
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