The Handwriting On The Wall
Sometimes in the chaos, challenges and inconveniences in our lives, it is possible to miss the smallest message with the biggest impact! The following poem can remind us to look for the messages, not the messes, on the wall.
The Handwriting On The Wall
A weary mother returned from the store, lugging groceries through the kitchen door. Awaiting her arrival was her 8 year old son, anxious to relate what his younger brother had done.
"While I was out playing and Dad was on a call, T.J. took his crayons and wrote on the wall! It's on the new paper you just hung in the den. I told him you'd be mad at having to do it again."
She let out a moan and furrowed her brow, "Where is your little brother right now?" She emptied her arms and with a purposeful stride she marched to his closet where he had gone to hide.
She called his full name as she entered his room. He trembled with fear -- he knew that meant doom! For the next ten minutes, she ranted and raved about the expensive wallpaper.
Lamenting all the work it would take to repair. She condemned his actions and total lack of care. The more she scolded, the madder she got, Then stomped from his room, totally distraught!
She headed for the den to confirm her fears. When she saw the wall, her eyes flooded with tears. The message she read pierced her soul with a dart. It said, "I love Mommy," surrounded by a heart.
Well, the wallpaper remained, just as she found it, with an empty picture frame hung to surround it. A reminder to her, and indeed to all, "Take time to read the handwriting on the wall."
Author unknown
Affirmation for the Week:
"When I am calm and attentive, I am able to receive the powerful messages in my life!"
Have a listening, attentive week!
Mary Rau-Foster
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Mary's book "Motivating Moments" makes a great gift for you, your family and your friends. This 211 page book, with illustrations, is a guaranteed morale booster, as well as thought provoking and inspirational. To learn more and to order online, visit www.motivatingmomentsbook.com or www.workplaceissues.com/motivatingmomentsbook.htm
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Copyright 2011 by Mary Rau-Foster. All rights reserved. However, if you find this information helpful, we grant you permission, and strongly encourage you, to print this page and put it on your bulletin board. Thank you.
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mary Rau-Foster www.workplaceissues.com
Fostering great communication and cooperation in the workplace.
Foster Seminars and Communications LLC, Brentwood TN 37027 USA
MY THOUGHTS
Last Sunday's message at Christ's Commission Fellowship was about building relationships within families. It talked about 3 Cs - connect, communicate, compliment. Connecting is spending time with your kids-doing things that they want to do, eating (with them) food that they want to eat. Communicating is all about global listening-hearing even the things that are not said. Complimenting is, quite obviously, building-up rather than finding fault. Sounds easy. But it isn't. Especially when you can't make yourself calm and attentive.
Showing posts with label guide for parents. Show all posts
Showing posts with label guide for parents. Show all posts
Monday, May 30, 2011
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
AN ALTERNATIVE TO NAGGING
GIVING TIMELY FEEDBACK (An alternative to 'NAGGING")
from the aricle "How to Give Feedback That Works"
By Kimberly Weisul | February 11, 2011
Every manager (and parent) knows that constructive feedback is key to improving performance. But what makes the feedback most effective? It turns out timing is almost everything.
Here are key Principles:
Reserach Findings:
- Giving people feedback after a “short delay”– shortly after they completed a task–actually improved performance more than offering up the same feedback immediately. Wait too long, though, and the feedback again becomes useless.
- Immediate feedback prevents people from learning from their mistakes. Those who got feedback right away were least likely to keep exploring on their own.
- Wait before offering advice. Waiting a short time before offering advice seemed to give the individual a chance to learn on their own, and then to incorporate the advice.
- Wait too long after the task is completed, and the feedback seems to fall on deaf ears. They seemed to find the information more confusing than helpful.
- Feedback given at the ‘wrong’ moment is pretty much pointless. Those who got help immediately and those who got it after a long delay were more likely to say they did not get enough information to complete the maze.
When do you typically give people feedback–or when have you received feedback? What time works best for you?
MY THOUGHTS
originally, i was planning to post this under 'workplace communication'. on hind sight, it seems to be helpful tips for giving feedback at home, too. in fact, parents and older relatives should try to apply this principle when dealing with the younger generation. no wonder all our well-meaning 'talks' keep falling on deaf ears! out timingis probably off most of the time.
from the aricle "How to Give Feedback That Works"
By Kimberly Weisul | February 11, 2011
Every manager (and parent) knows that constructive feedback is key to improving performance. But what makes the feedback most effective? It turns out timing is almost everything.
Here are key Principles:
Reserach Findings:
- Giving people feedback after a “short delay”– shortly after they completed a task–actually improved performance more than offering up the same feedback immediately. Wait too long, though, and the feedback again becomes useless.
- Immediate feedback prevents people from learning from their mistakes. Those who got feedback right away were least likely to keep exploring on their own.
- Wait before offering advice. Waiting a short time before offering advice seemed to give the individual a chance to learn on their own, and then to incorporate the advice.
- Wait too long after the task is completed, and the feedback seems to fall on deaf ears. They seemed to find the information more confusing than helpful.
- Feedback given at the ‘wrong’ moment is pretty much pointless. Those who got help immediately and those who got it after a long delay were more likely to say they did not get enough information to complete the maze.
When do you typically give people feedback–or when have you received feedback? What time works best for you?
MY THOUGHTS
originally, i was planning to post this under 'workplace communication'. on hind sight, it seems to be helpful tips for giving feedback at home, too. in fact, parents and older relatives should try to apply this principle when dealing with the younger generation. no wonder all our well-meaning 'talks' keep falling on deaf ears! out timingis probably off most of the time.
Monday, January 24, 2011
LESSONS FOR A SON
Lessons for a son, just in case
By Jonathan Comey
First Person
January 23, 2011 12:00 AM
I had fairly major surgery a few months ago and, in the nights before the procedure, my mind naturally turned to all of the complications that could ensue.
Especially what I privately referred to, in my own dark way, as the "ultimate complication."
With these thoughts came other thoughts, mostly about my son. When I was a boy, I'd sometimes happen across sealed letters from my mother with my name written on the front. I was told that these were in the event of "¦ well, in the event of ultimate complications.
I never had the urge to read these letters, and scoffed at them in my blissful ignorance, but as the date of that surgery neared 30 years later, I understood my mom completely. Most of raising a child is a mix of maintenance and mischief, but the goal of every parent is for their kids to grow up with a set of values that will serve them well, values that will give them a chance at success, happiness and understanding.
And so, for the first time, I asked myself: What did I want to teach my son about the world if, by chance, I was no longer in it?
Be kind to other people.
Be loyal and cautious. Never stop having fun.
Enjoy all different types of weather. Stay up late during a blizzard or a thunderstorm or a hot summer's night, watch the sky and mull over the meaning of it all.
Always remember that as an American you were born luckier, freer, healthier and more privileged than almost all of the people on earth. It might not always seem so, but most don't have what you take for granted.
Eat anything you want as long as it's in moderation. This is better for you physically and mentally. Don't drink too much. Drugs and cigarettes are very hard to quit and you will eventually want to quit them in the worst way. Don't start.
Try not to judge others. Everyone is shaped by their environment and genetics in ways they can't control. Look for the best parts of people.
Be friendly to older people. They love it. It restores their faith in humanity.
Wear your seatbelt, and never drive drunk. Be a designated driver for others.
The true joy of life is bringing joy to others. Sometimes this can feel like a burden, but it's worth it.
Don't let your friendships fall apart. Once you've made a friend, they feel kinship with you for life, whether they try to keep it alive or not. This also sometimes feels like a burden, but is worth it.
Don't dwell on what should be. Deal with what is and how to make the most of it.
Don't be afraid to commit to love. Focus on what you love about your spouse and not what you don't. Accept that monogamy is difficult.
Don't sweat politics. You can't change the system, and you don't really know what's going on anyway. Put your trust in the people who seem the most real, and hope for the best.
Stay away from war at all costs. Do not join the fight unless the cause is so blindingly just that you have no other choice. Support your country at all times. Don't bash the president. He or she is doing the best they can.
Enjoy as many different types of music, movies and games as you can. There's something wonderful in all of it.
You're never quite as good at things as you think you are, but that's OK. Shooting high usually produces a good result, even if it leaves you feeling unfulfilled.
Grandparents are special in ways that your parents aren't. Let them spoil you, but never be ungrateful.
Don't keep secrets. It's hard to tell the truth sometimes, but secrets make you feel worse.
Be really careful on bicycles and in cars. They are super dangerous.
There is some type of higher power, but I don't know what it is. The unknown can be scary. You'll spend a lot of nights thinking about what it all means, and that's not bad. The mornings will follow.
When people you love die, always keep pictures of them close. It's not easy, knowing they're not around, but your memories can be the next best thing. Talk to them. They are still with you.
Finally, and most importantly: Have kids. It's scary, and it always threatens to break your heart and it's frustrating and it's tiring and it'll clean out your bank account and it'll sometimes make you absolutely crazy "¦ but it's the best part of life.
Jonathan Comey is sports editor of The Standard-Times.
MY THOUGHTS
i don't know why i'm sharing this. maybe because i sometimes think of writing to some people, just in case.
By Jonathan Comey
First Person
January 23, 2011 12:00 AM
I had fairly major surgery a few months ago and, in the nights before the procedure, my mind naturally turned to all of the complications that could ensue.
Especially what I privately referred to, in my own dark way, as the "ultimate complication."
With these thoughts came other thoughts, mostly about my son. When I was a boy, I'd sometimes happen across sealed letters from my mother with my name written on the front. I was told that these were in the event of "¦ well, in the event of ultimate complications.
I never had the urge to read these letters, and scoffed at them in my blissful ignorance, but as the date of that surgery neared 30 years later, I understood my mom completely. Most of raising a child is a mix of maintenance and mischief, but the goal of every parent is for their kids to grow up with a set of values that will serve them well, values that will give them a chance at success, happiness and understanding.
And so, for the first time, I asked myself: What did I want to teach my son about the world if, by chance, I was no longer in it?
Be kind to other people.
Be loyal and cautious. Never stop having fun.
Enjoy all different types of weather. Stay up late during a blizzard or a thunderstorm or a hot summer's night, watch the sky and mull over the meaning of it all.
Always remember that as an American you were born luckier, freer, healthier and more privileged than almost all of the people on earth. It might not always seem so, but most don't have what you take for granted.
Eat anything you want as long as it's in moderation. This is better for you physically and mentally. Don't drink too much. Drugs and cigarettes are very hard to quit and you will eventually want to quit them in the worst way. Don't start.
Try not to judge others. Everyone is shaped by their environment and genetics in ways they can't control. Look for the best parts of people.
Be friendly to older people. They love it. It restores their faith in humanity.
Wear your seatbelt, and never drive drunk. Be a designated driver for others.
The true joy of life is bringing joy to others. Sometimes this can feel like a burden, but it's worth it.
Don't let your friendships fall apart. Once you've made a friend, they feel kinship with you for life, whether they try to keep it alive or not. This also sometimes feels like a burden, but is worth it.
Don't dwell on what should be. Deal with what is and how to make the most of it.
Don't be afraid to commit to love. Focus on what you love about your spouse and not what you don't. Accept that monogamy is difficult.
Don't sweat politics. You can't change the system, and you don't really know what's going on anyway. Put your trust in the people who seem the most real, and hope for the best.
Stay away from war at all costs. Do not join the fight unless the cause is so blindingly just that you have no other choice. Support your country at all times. Don't bash the president. He or she is doing the best they can.
Enjoy as many different types of music, movies and games as you can. There's something wonderful in all of it.
You're never quite as good at things as you think you are, but that's OK. Shooting high usually produces a good result, even if it leaves you feeling unfulfilled.
Grandparents are special in ways that your parents aren't. Let them spoil you, but never be ungrateful.
Don't keep secrets. It's hard to tell the truth sometimes, but secrets make you feel worse.
Be really careful on bicycles and in cars. They are super dangerous.
There is some type of higher power, but I don't know what it is. The unknown can be scary. You'll spend a lot of nights thinking about what it all means, and that's not bad. The mornings will follow.
When people you love die, always keep pictures of them close. It's not easy, knowing they're not around, but your memories can be the next best thing. Talk to them. They are still with you.
Finally, and most importantly: Have kids. It's scary, and it always threatens to break your heart and it's frustrating and it's tiring and it'll clean out your bank account and it'll sometimes make you absolutely crazy "¦ but it's the best part of life.
Jonathan Comey is sports editor of The Standard-Times.
MY THOUGHTS
i don't know why i'm sharing this. maybe because i sometimes think of writing to some people, just in case.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Chinese adults can't take parents' money
Now, Chinese adults can't take parents' money
IANS
Posted on Jan 22, 2011 at 05:14pm IST
Shanghai: In a bid to ensure elderly persons' social welfare, parents in an east China province have been empowered by a new law to decline their adult children's monetary demands.
The People's Congress of Jiangsu province passed an ordinance Friday which forbids adult children from demanding money or belongings from their parents in a forcible way, China Daily reported Saturday.
The provision is widely seen as an attempt to discourage the NEET group - a name used to refer collectively to young people who chose to live off their parents rather than seek steady employment, attend school or enroll in special training.
Zhao Jianyang, director of the administrative law department, Law Committee of the Standing Committee of the People's Congress of Jiangsu, said: "The right conferred on elderly parents to refuse requests for financial support will help parents who have children in the NEET group."
The provision, the first of its kind in China, contains an important caveat - children will not be violating the law if they obtain financial assistance from parents who are willing to lend a hand.
It's part of an ordinance designed to protect the rights of the elderly (those over 60 years old) in Jiangsu.
The ordinance, however, encourages adult children to make regular visits to their parents' homes and take care of their elderly parents.
In one of several recent trends in China, more young people have adopted the NEET lifestyle as a means of leading a more comfortable existence.
According to the statistics released by the China Research Center on Aging last year, up to 30 percent of young people fall into the NEET category and 65 percent of families must contend with NEET children.
The new provision has drawn varying reactions.
Gao Jianming, a 55-year-old teacher in Xuzhou, Jiangsu province, said the provision will benefit him and his ilk.
"I've noticed the NEET problem among my friends whose children are too dependent on their parents, which is wrong. Parents should have the right to enjoy their elderly years with their own money," said Gao.
He also said that the society will benefit from the call for adult children to pay regular visits to their parents.
Jiang Xuelai, a 25-year-old private employee in Wuxi, Jiangsu province, said: "The regulation will likely lead to discord in families and disputes on financial issues."
MY THOUGHTS
we find laws like this to be too invasive. and yet, such laws would not have been enforced, much less thought of, if there was no need for it. the problem with us is we want to be free of restrictions. and it's our immature view of freedom that prompts the need for us to be restricted. maybe we should copy china. maybe there should be a law against parasite children who exploits their parents. and maybe there should be a law against parents who continue to make parasites out of their children.
IANS
Posted on Jan 22, 2011 at 05:14pm IST
Shanghai: In a bid to ensure elderly persons' social welfare, parents in an east China province have been empowered by a new law to decline their adult children's monetary demands.
The People's Congress of Jiangsu province passed an ordinance Friday which forbids adult children from demanding money or belongings from their parents in a forcible way, China Daily reported Saturday.
The provision is widely seen as an attempt to discourage the NEET group - a name used to refer collectively to young people who chose to live off their parents rather than seek steady employment, attend school or enroll in special training.
Zhao Jianyang, director of the administrative law department, Law Committee of the Standing Committee of the People's Congress of Jiangsu, said: "The right conferred on elderly parents to refuse requests for financial support will help parents who have children in the NEET group."
The provision, the first of its kind in China, contains an important caveat - children will not be violating the law if they obtain financial assistance from parents who are willing to lend a hand.
It's part of an ordinance designed to protect the rights of the elderly (those over 60 years old) in Jiangsu.
The ordinance, however, encourages adult children to make regular visits to their parents' homes and take care of their elderly parents.
In one of several recent trends in China, more young people have adopted the NEET lifestyle as a means of leading a more comfortable existence.
According to the statistics released by the China Research Center on Aging last year, up to 30 percent of young people fall into the NEET category and 65 percent of families must contend with NEET children.
The new provision has drawn varying reactions.
Gao Jianming, a 55-year-old teacher in Xuzhou, Jiangsu province, said the provision will benefit him and his ilk.
"I've noticed the NEET problem among my friends whose children are too dependent on their parents, which is wrong. Parents should have the right to enjoy their elderly years with their own money," said Gao.
He also said that the society will benefit from the call for adult children to pay regular visits to their parents.
Jiang Xuelai, a 25-year-old private employee in Wuxi, Jiangsu province, said: "The regulation will likely lead to discord in families and disputes on financial issues."
MY THOUGHTS
we find laws like this to be too invasive. and yet, such laws would not have been enforced, much less thought of, if there was no need for it. the problem with us is we want to be free of restrictions. and it's our immature view of freedom that prompts the need for us to be restricted. maybe we should copy china. maybe there should be a law against parasite children who exploits their parents. and maybe there should be a law against parents who continue to make parasites out of their children.
Friday, January 21, 2011
How to End Sibling Feuds
How to End Sibling Feuds
By Judy Ford, eHow Contributor
Are you tired playing referee between sibling squabbles? Do you sometimes find yourself yelling, "cut it out," to stop your kids from yelling at each other? Sibling rivalry is unavoidable in family life, however helping the kids learn to settle their own conflicts will get you out of the middle. When siblings are teasing one other, bickering over the toys, or fighting about who gets the biggest cookie, it's time to take the battle ground to the peace table. With coaching from you even toddlers can begin settling quarrels with friendly negotiations.
Instructions
1
Look for the underlying cause. To minimize your kid's quarreling recognize what is triggering the outbursts. Is your child tired, hungry, feeling left out, needing more of your attention, or bored? If you suspect that this may be the cause, ask, "What can we do to make things better?'
2
Encourage siblings to talk about what's going on. Talking things through eliminates sulking and whining. You might ask: "I wonder what started this fight? or "Are you willing to tell me what happened?" Or simply say: "Let's talk about it at the peace table."
3
Sit at the peace table. A peace table is a designated spot where everyone can talk with out being interrupted. Each child takes a turn explaining what happened. The peace table is a safe place where everyone gets a chance to be heard.
4
Remind the kids about the rules of conduct: no name calling, no hitting, no shoving allowed. At the peace table everyone gets a turn to listen and a turn to talk.
5
Let all the kids suggest a solution. Don't underestimate kids ability to solve the problems. As the parent you are the leader in the negotiation. Ask each child, "What is your solution?" Remember conflicts are not all bad. In fact solving a disagreement often brings kids closer. Tell the kids, "I know you will figure this out." Tell them that you are glad that they are learning to solve conflicts by negotiating.
6
Don't force togetherness. While it is okay to encourage siblings to share their possessions and toys, it is not okay to force. Forcing causes resentments which leads to more bickering later.
7
Give genuine approval when they work things through and cooperate.
Tips & Warnings
The more you can teach children to solve their own conflicts, the quicker their fighting will end.
Be aware that your children are learning by observing and mimicking how you handle your disagreements.
MY THOUGHTS
that looks easy. try being the peacemaker between squabbling adult siblings. well, the peace table is such a good idea. having that early will probably reduce the adult squabbles.
By Judy Ford, eHow Contributor
Are you tired playing referee between sibling squabbles? Do you sometimes find yourself yelling, "cut it out," to stop your kids from yelling at each other? Sibling rivalry is unavoidable in family life, however helping the kids learn to settle their own conflicts will get you out of the middle. When siblings are teasing one other, bickering over the toys, or fighting about who gets the biggest cookie, it's time to take the battle ground to the peace table. With coaching from you even toddlers can begin settling quarrels with friendly negotiations.
Instructions
1
Look for the underlying cause. To minimize your kid's quarreling recognize what is triggering the outbursts. Is your child tired, hungry, feeling left out, needing more of your attention, or bored? If you suspect that this may be the cause, ask, "What can we do to make things better?'
2
Encourage siblings to talk about what's going on. Talking things through eliminates sulking and whining. You might ask: "I wonder what started this fight? or "Are you willing to tell me what happened?" Or simply say: "Let's talk about it at the peace table."
3
Sit at the peace table. A peace table is a designated spot where everyone can talk with out being interrupted. Each child takes a turn explaining what happened. The peace table is a safe place where everyone gets a chance to be heard.
4
Remind the kids about the rules of conduct: no name calling, no hitting, no shoving allowed. At the peace table everyone gets a turn to listen and a turn to talk.
5
Let all the kids suggest a solution. Don't underestimate kids ability to solve the problems. As the parent you are the leader in the negotiation. Ask each child, "What is your solution?" Remember conflicts are not all bad. In fact solving a disagreement often brings kids closer. Tell the kids, "I know you will figure this out." Tell them that you are glad that they are learning to solve conflicts by negotiating.
6
Don't force togetherness. While it is okay to encourage siblings to share their possessions and toys, it is not okay to force. Forcing causes resentments which leads to more bickering later.
7
Give genuine approval when they work things through and cooperate.
Tips & Warnings
The more you can teach children to solve their own conflicts, the quicker their fighting will end.
Be aware that your children are learning by observing and mimicking how you handle your disagreements.
MY THOUGHTS
that looks easy. try being the peacemaker between squabbling adult siblings. well, the peace table is such a good idea. having that early will probably reduce the adult squabbles.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
If You Don’t Design Your Future, Someone Else Will
Warning: If You Don’t Design Your Future, Someone Else Will
One day, a man came up to me and invited me to speak to their company.
When he told me the date of their conference, I told them I couldn’t make it.
He asked if I could speak the following year, and I declined it too.
He asked if I could speak the year after that—and I said my calendar was still booked for the date.
He asked, “Can we invite you to speak to our group in 2013?”
I began to laugh.
This was getting to be embarrassing.
But the man in front of me wasn’t laughing.
“Bo, I’m serious. You turned down our invitation for 2010, 2011, and 2012. Don’t tell me you’re booked for 2013?”
Here’s the truth: Yes, I was booked.
Some of my appointments are booked until the day I die.
For example?
If you ask me, “Bo, what will you be doing on Tuesday nights in the year 2025?” I’ll answer, “Having dates with my lovely wife.”
How do I know?
Since we got married 12 years ago, I’ve given my Tuesday nights to her.
Having weekly dates with her has been the bedrock of our marriage. Our lifesaver. Our refreshment. Our bond. Our joy.
I also have weekly dates with my 2 boys on Monday afternoon.
I have weekly lunches with my 85-year old Mom on Wednesdays.
These are my non-negotiable appointments in my life.
That’s why my relationships are strong. Vibrant. Life-giving.
That’s why my family life is tight.
I set these appointments for years—no, for decades—in advance.
Why?
Because if you’re not going to design your future, someone else will.
Don’t Let Thieves Steal Away Your Family’s Future
There are thieves that want to steal away your family life.
Thieves like Busyness.
Hurry-titis. (An epidemic today!)
Materialism.
TV addiction.
Selfishness.
Adultery.
Money problems.
Protect your family!
How? Next to God, make your family first.
I’d like to personally invite you to take my 7-Session Online Course, Relationship Reborn. You don’t have to go anywhere. From the comfort of your homes, you can listen or watch me talk about what you can do to enrich your family life. Yes, you can have a great marriage. Yes, you can have a great relationship with your kids.
Don’t leave it to chance. To design the future of your family life, log on at www.FamilyReborn.com now.
May your dreams come true,
Bo Sanchez
PS. Protect your Family Life. What kind of future do you want? To design your future for your family, log on at www.FamilyReborn.com now.
MY THOUGHTS
what kind of thieves do you have? we see them all over. inside our homes. in other homes. what's sad is, we don't even know they are thieves. we think we're being busy for our loved ones, working hard so we can provide for them. only to find that, in out business, in our desire to provide the material things, we have failed to protect our relationships with them. think about this now. before it's too late.
One day, a man came up to me and invited me to speak to their company.
When he told me the date of their conference, I told them I couldn’t make it.
He asked if I could speak the following year, and I declined it too.
He asked if I could speak the year after that—and I said my calendar was still booked for the date.
He asked, “Can we invite you to speak to our group in 2013?”
I began to laugh.
This was getting to be embarrassing.
But the man in front of me wasn’t laughing.
“Bo, I’m serious. You turned down our invitation for 2010, 2011, and 2012. Don’t tell me you’re booked for 2013?”
Here’s the truth: Yes, I was booked.
Some of my appointments are booked until the day I die.
For example?
If you ask me, “Bo, what will you be doing on Tuesday nights in the year 2025?” I’ll answer, “Having dates with my lovely wife.”
How do I know?
Since we got married 12 years ago, I’ve given my Tuesday nights to her.
Having weekly dates with her has been the bedrock of our marriage. Our lifesaver. Our refreshment. Our bond. Our joy.
I also have weekly dates with my 2 boys on Monday afternoon.
I have weekly lunches with my 85-year old Mom on Wednesdays.
These are my non-negotiable appointments in my life.
That’s why my relationships are strong. Vibrant. Life-giving.
That’s why my family life is tight.
I set these appointments for years—no, for decades—in advance.
Why?
Because if you’re not going to design your future, someone else will.
Don’t Let Thieves Steal Away Your Family’s Future
There are thieves that want to steal away your family life.
Thieves like Busyness.
Hurry-titis. (An epidemic today!)
Materialism.
TV addiction.
Selfishness.
Adultery.
Money problems.
Protect your family!
How? Next to God, make your family first.
I’d like to personally invite you to take my 7-Session Online Course, Relationship Reborn. You don’t have to go anywhere. From the comfort of your homes, you can listen or watch me talk about what you can do to enrich your family life. Yes, you can have a great marriage. Yes, you can have a great relationship with your kids.
Don’t leave it to chance. To design the future of your family life, log on at www.FamilyReborn.com now.
May your dreams come true,
Bo Sanchez
PS. Protect your Family Life. What kind of future do you want? To design your future for your family, log on at www.FamilyReborn.com now.
MY THOUGHTS
what kind of thieves do you have? we see them all over. inside our homes. in other homes. what's sad is, we don't even know they are thieves. we think we're being busy for our loved ones, working hard so we can provide for them. only to find that, in out business, in our desire to provide the material things, we have failed to protect our relationships with them. think about this now. before it's too late.
Monday, December 20, 2010
Learn about Holywood Parenting
RIE: Is Hollywood's Latest Parenting Trend Wacky or Smart?
Jenna McCarthy ON Nov 2, 2010 at 12:36PM
There’s a new parenting trend in Hollywood, and for once it has nothing to do with giving your child a wacky name or parading her around town in a stroller that costs as much as a car. RIE, short for Resources for Infant Educarers and pronounced like "wry" (ironic!), is all about getting back to basics and creating an infant-oriented environment devoid of blinking, beeping, buzzing toys and parents who are inclined to swoop in at the first sign of tears. (Famous followers reportedly include Jamie Lee Curtis, Helen Hunt, Tobey Maguire and Felicity Huffman.) The RIE approach, proponents insist, helps raise children who are competent, confident, curious, cooperative, cheerful and aware.
Of course, RIE isn’t new. It was founded in the 1970s by an infant educator and a pediatric neurologist and, admittedly, lots of things about the parenting approach make sense. For instance, followers eschew fancy gadgets, pointing out that busy toys produce passive children who are destined to become tiny TV addicts. Instead, RIE-approved playthings include simple objects babies can use imaginatively in multiple ways, like stacking cups, empty water bottles and wooden spoons. Once the child is engaged, parents are taught to watch and respect the way he or she chooses to interact with a toy and not direct the play. Daily parenting duties -- think diapering, changing, feeding -- are viewed as opportunities to engage and instruct, not tedious roadblocks to playtime.
On the other hand, there are some aspects of RIE that could make it challenging to execute flawlessly. For instance, parents are encouraged not to immediately console a sobbing tot but to view a baby’s cries as intelligent, meaningful communication in need of deciphering. Which is all kinds of enlightened and fabulous in theory -- until you’ve got a career-making conference call or other children sleeping nearby. Similarly, while I agree that the RIE motto “never disturb a contented baby” makes a nice wall plaque, when you’ve got to get another kid to soccer practice, dinner is burning on the stove and the UPS guy is banging on the screen door demanding a signature, sometimes baby’s precious contentment is going to have to be disturbed.
There isn’t much opposition to RIE, save for a few claims that some advocates take the approach to extremes (No singing? No dancing? Didn’t these people see what happened when they tried to ban those in Footloose?), and that even in moderation, notions like “never disturb a contented baby” can be wildly inconvenient. Sort of like parenting in general.
MY THOUGHTS
anything extreme is bad. so, whether your a holywood parent or not, there are some RIE principles that should be taken seriously while some should be discarded.
Jenna McCarthy ON Nov 2, 2010 at 12:36PM
There’s a new parenting trend in Hollywood, and for once it has nothing to do with giving your child a wacky name or parading her around town in a stroller that costs as much as a car. RIE, short for Resources for Infant Educarers and pronounced like "wry" (ironic!), is all about getting back to basics and creating an infant-oriented environment devoid of blinking, beeping, buzzing toys and parents who are inclined to swoop in at the first sign of tears. (Famous followers reportedly include Jamie Lee Curtis, Helen Hunt, Tobey Maguire and Felicity Huffman.) The RIE approach, proponents insist, helps raise children who are competent, confident, curious, cooperative, cheerful and aware.
Of course, RIE isn’t new. It was founded in the 1970s by an infant educator and a pediatric neurologist and, admittedly, lots of things about the parenting approach make sense. For instance, followers eschew fancy gadgets, pointing out that busy toys produce passive children who are destined to become tiny TV addicts. Instead, RIE-approved playthings include simple objects babies can use imaginatively in multiple ways, like stacking cups, empty water bottles and wooden spoons. Once the child is engaged, parents are taught to watch and respect the way he or she chooses to interact with a toy and not direct the play. Daily parenting duties -- think diapering, changing, feeding -- are viewed as opportunities to engage and instruct, not tedious roadblocks to playtime.
On the other hand, there are some aspects of RIE that could make it challenging to execute flawlessly. For instance, parents are encouraged not to immediately console a sobbing tot but to view a baby’s cries as intelligent, meaningful communication in need of deciphering. Which is all kinds of enlightened and fabulous in theory -- until you’ve got a career-making conference call or other children sleeping nearby. Similarly, while I agree that the RIE motto “never disturb a contented baby” makes a nice wall plaque, when you’ve got to get another kid to soccer practice, dinner is burning on the stove and the UPS guy is banging on the screen door demanding a signature, sometimes baby’s precious contentment is going to have to be disturbed.
There isn’t much opposition to RIE, save for a few claims that some advocates take the approach to extremes (No singing? No dancing? Didn’t these people see what happened when they tried to ban those in Footloose?), and that even in moderation, notions like “never disturb a contented baby” can be wildly inconvenient. Sort of like parenting in general.
MY THOUGHTS
anything extreme is bad. so, whether your a holywood parent or not, there are some RIE principles that should be taken seriously while some should be discarded.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
What Cavemen Knew About Parenting
What Cavemen Knew About Parenting (That We Don’t)
Jenna McCarthy ON Sep 24, 2010 at 3:59PM
Most modern, educated moms and dads are hell-bent on raising their children to be smart, sane and successful. We fill our homes with educational toys and props, shuffle our young from bouncy-seat to play mat to swing to keep them engaged, do our best to breastfeed for as many months as we can (unless we have a really good reason not to), and embrace tough-love practices like “crying it out” to foster independence and teach critical skills like self-soothing and falling asleep. Apparently, we’re doing it all wrong.
When researchers at Notre Dame compiled the results of a study looking at why our Neolithic ancestors had more intelligent, happier, better-behaved kids than we do, they came up with a laundry list of the cavemoms’ winning ways. Among them: Breastfeeding for at least two to five years (something most people today would consider “extreme”), immediate response to baby’s cries, constant carrying and natural, drug-free deliveries.
On a positive note, having multiple adult caregivers beyond mom and dad was considered a plus (I’m hoping preschool counts here), along with exposure to multi-age playmates (I gave the first kid a sister; was that enough?).
If you’re pregnant or considering adding to your brood, this is good information to have. But honestly, I’m glad I didn’t have it back when I would have known how much potential damage I was doing to my kids -- or else I would have felt compelled to have them both strapped to me at all times.
MY THOUGHTS
breastfeeding for 5 years? better plan the family well. if you have 2-3 kids one after the other, you won't have time to do anything else but breastfeed!!! but then, what else is there to do for a cavemom?
Jenna McCarthy ON Sep 24, 2010 at 3:59PM
Most modern, educated moms and dads are hell-bent on raising their children to be smart, sane and successful. We fill our homes with educational toys and props, shuffle our young from bouncy-seat to play mat to swing to keep them engaged, do our best to breastfeed for as many months as we can (unless we have a really good reason not to), and embrace tough-love practices like “crying it out” to foster independence and teach critical skills like self-soothing and falling asleep. Apparently, we’re doing it all wrong.
When researchers at Notre Dame compiled the results of a study looking at why our Neolithic ancestors had more intelligent, happier, better-behaved kids than we do, they came up with a laundry list of the cavemoms’ winning ways. Among them: Breastfeeding for at least two to five years (something most people today would consider “extreme”), immediate response to baby’s cries, constant carrying and natural, drug-free deliveries.
On a positive note, having multiple adult caregivers beyond mom and dad was considered a plus (I’m hoping preschool counts here), along with exposure to multi-age playmates (I gave the first kid a sister; was that enough?).
If you’re pregnant or considering adding to your brood, this is good information to have. But honestly, I’m glad I didn’t have it back when I would have known how much potential damage I was doing to my kids -- or else I would have felt compelled to have them both strapped to me at all times.
MY THOUGHTS
breastfeeding for 5 years? better plan the family well. if you have 2-3 kids one after the other, you won't have time to do anything else but breastfeed!!! but then, what else is there to do for a cavemom?
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Children's Allowance: when and how to pay
Children’s Allowance: What and When to Pay
By Ray Martin | Jun 30, 2010 |
School’s out. Summer vacation means more trips to the movies, fun parks, and the malls. This also means a sudden spike in spending by children making these trips.
To help manage this, I am a big fan of paying an allowance. It’s also one of the best ways I know to engage children in the process of making good spending and saving decisions. An allowance can be a great tool to build a foundation for sound financial behavior in the future.
But if you do pay an allowance, what is the right amount to pay? What do you pay an allowance for? How often should you pay and when should you stop?
Of course, not all families provide an allowance. The decision to do so depends on personal and economic circumstances. I also respect the choice made by some families to not pay an allowance. Since there seems to be a wide variety of thoughts and opinions on this issue, it’s helpful to consider these things if you do provide an allowance or money to your kids:
Teaching Big Lessons with Small Money
One of the reasons to pay an allowance is to use it as a tool to engage children in the process of learning about spending, saving, and giving. Paying an allowance provides a way to get children involved and creates “ownership” of the decisions they make when it’s with their own money. It’s also important to look at an allowance as a tool to allow children to make some money mistakes. In fact, expect them to make some. In essence it is a way for them to learn big lessons with small amounts of money at an early age. It’s better to learn from money mistakes earlier with small amounts of money than to learn later in life when the amounts involved can be much larger.
When to Start
Most parents begin giving an allowance to their kids by age six to eight. But I say it’s the aptitude not the age that really matters. When your child begins to understand that money can be exchanged for things they want, then you will know it’s time to start discussing the concept of an allowance. Remember that money and paying for things is an abstract concept and some children will show an interest while others will not be so flexible. One of the benefits is that an allowance shifts the spending decisions from the parents to the children, particularly when it’s clearly communicated that the allowance is provided in lieu of the parents paying for the discretionary wants of their child.
What NOT to Pay For
It’s important to be aware of the behavior that this transaction can encourage. For example, if you pay your kids an allowance for doing household chores then what happens when they later begin to earn more money from a job outside the home? Is the only consequence for not doing chores the loss of an allowance? Experts agree that the reason for doing house work is the fulfillment of each individual’s responsibility as a household member, not an allowance.
Some parents think it’s a good idea to pay for good grades, which after all, is similar to how many adults are rewarded in their working lives. Again, most experts agree that paying for good grades is not a good idea and that this can undermine the virtue of self-improvement. A better consequence of a lack of effort on household chores or schoolwork should be the loss of privileges, not the loss of an allowance.
It’s also important to be consistent within the family. Paying a regular allowance to one child and handing over money whenever asked by another will foster different money habits between children in the same family.
What’s the Going Rate?
Surveys indicate that for over half of those children who report getting an allowance, the going rate is $5 to $20 per week. This site provides results of an ongoing survey that lists children’s allowance by age and gender.
The amount children are paid also increases with age. Start with smaller amounts with younger children and gradually raise the allowance each birthday. Amounts can also vary by the family’s economic situation. Children from families in areas where living costs or incomes are lower may receive lower amounts. Family size also matters. Where there are more kids, it may be impractical to pay “the going rate” to all children in a large family.
If you are paying an allowance in lieu of paying for some of your child’s discretionary expenses, a process to decide on the amount to pay is to estimate the cost of the things your child will assume the responsibility for, and base the allowance on the cost of these items. Approach this as a discussion of your child’s spending needs and work with them on a “spending budget” based on weekly or monthly expenses. This will prove to be an interesting conversation and both of you will need to come to an agreement on the final amount. This process helps to develop budgeting skills, teaches responsibility, and prepares them for the realities of personal money management.
To sum it up, here are a few simple but important rules for paying allowances:
Allowances DON’T’s:
Pay for household chores
Pay for grades or school work
Hold back as punishment
Allowances DO’s:
Explain and set Rules
Pay on schedule and on time
Allow for spending mistakes
MY THOUGHTS
"teaching big lessons with small money". i like that. i like that very much. reminds me of how much we learn from small things. of how much all those little things can make or break us. all those little things that we were mindful of. and of all those little things that we took for granted. at the end of the day, it really doesn't matter. life lessons are lessons. no matter how big. or small.
By Ray Martin | Jun 30, 2010 |
School’s out. Summer vacation means more trips to the movies, fun parks, and the malls. This also means a sudden spike in spending by children making these trips.
To help manage this, I am a big fan of paying an allowance. It’s also one of the best ways I know to engage children in the process of making good spending and saving decisions. An allowance can be a great tool to build a foundation for sound financial behavior in the future.
But if you do pay an allowance, what is the right amount to pay? What do you pay an allowance for? How often should you pay and when should you stop?
Of course, not all families provide an allowance. The decision to do so depends on personal and economic circumstances. I also respect the choice made by some families to not pay an allowance. Since there seems to be a wide variety of thoughts and opinions on this issue, it’s helpful to consider these things if you do provide an allowance or money to your kids:
Teaching Big Lessons with Small Money
One of the reasons to pay an allowance is to use it as a tool to engage children in the process of learning about spending, saving, and giving. Paying an allowance provides a way to get children involved and creates “ownership” of the decisions they make when it’s with their own money. It’s also important to look at an allowance as a tool to allow children to make some money mistakes. In fact, expect them to make some. In essence it is a way for them to learn big lessons with small amounts of money at an early age. It’s better to learn from money mistakes earlier with small amounts of money than to learn later in life when the amounts involved can be much larger.
When to Start
Most parents begin giving an allowance to their kids by age six to eight. But I say it’s the aptitude not the age that really matters. When your child begins to understand that money can be exchanged for things they want, then you will know it’s time to start discussing the concept of an allowance. Remember that money and paying for things is an abstract concept and some children will show an interest while others will not be so flexible. One of the benefits is that an allowance shifts the spending decisions from the parents to the children, particularly when it’s clearly communicated that the allowance is provided in lieu of the parents paying for the discretionary wants of their child.
What NOT to Pay For
It’s important to be aware of the behavior that this transaction can encourage. For example, if you pay your kids an allowance for doing household chores then what happens when they later begin to earn more money from a job outside the home? Is the only consequence for not doing chores the loss of an allowance? Experts agree that the reason for doing house work is the fulfillment of each individual’s responsibility as a household member, not an allowance.
Some parents think it’s a good idea to pay for good grades, which after all, is similar to how many adults are rewarded in their working lives. Again, most experts agree that paying for good grades is not a good idea and that this can undermine the virtue of self-improvement. A better consequence of a lack of effort on household chores or schoolwork should be the loss of privileges, not the loss of an allowance.
It’s also important to be consistent within the family. Paying a regular allowance to one child and handing over money whenever asked by another will foster different money habits between children in the same family.
What’s the Going Rate?
Surveys indicate that for over half of those children who report getting an allowance, the going rate is $5 to $20 per week. This site provides results of an ongoing survey that lists children’s allowance by age and gender.
The amount children are paid also increases with age. Start with smaller amounts with younger children and gradually raise the allowance each birthday. Amounts can also vary by the family’s economic situation. Children from families in areas where living costs or incomes are lower may receive lower amounts. Family size also matters. Where there are more kids, it may be impractical to pay “the going rate” to all children in a large family.
If you are paying an allowance in lieu of paying for some of your child’s discretionary expenses, a process to decide on the amount to pay is to estimate the cost of the things your child will assume the responsibility for, and base the allowance on the cost of these items. Approach this as a discussion of your child’s spending needs and work with them on a “spending budget” based on weekly or monthly expenses. This will prove to be an interesting conversation and both of you will need to come to an agreement on the final amount. This process helps to develop budgeting skills, teaches responsibility, and prepares them for the realities of personal money management.
To sum it up, here are a few simple but important rules for paying allowances:
Allowances DON’T’s:
Pay for household chores
Pay for grades or school work
Hold back as punishment
Allowances DO’s:
Explain and set Rules
Pay on schedule and on time
Allow for spending mistakes
MY THOUGHTS
"teaching big lessons with small money". i like that. i like that very much. reminds me of how much we learn from small things. of how much all those little things can make or break us. all those little things that we were mindful of. and of all those little things that we took for granted. at the end of the day, it really doesn't matter. life lessons are lessons. no matter how big. or small.
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