Warning: If You Don’t Design Your Future, Someone Else Will
One day, a man came up to me and invited me to speak to their company.
When he told me the date of their conference, I told them I couldn’t make it.
He asked if I could speak the following year, and I declined it too.
He asked if I could speak the year after that—and I said my calendar was still booked for the date.
He asked, “Can we invite you to speak to our group in 2013?”
I began to laugh.
This was getting to be embarrassing.
But the man in front of me wasn’t laughing.
“Bo, I’m serious. You turned down our invitation for 2010, 2011, and 2012. Don’t tell me you’re booked for 2013?”
Here’s the truth: Yes, I was booked.
Some of my appointments are booked until the day I die.
For example?
If you ask me, “Bo, what will you be doing on Tuesday nights in the year 2025?” I’ll answer, “Having dates with my lovely wife.”
How do I know?
Since we got married 12 years ago, I’ve given my Tuesday nights to her.
Having weekly dates with her has been the bedrock of our marriage. Our lifesaver. Our refreshment. Our bond. Our joy.
I also have weekly dates with my 2 boys on Monday afternoon.
I have weekly lunches with my 85-year old Mom on Wednesdays.
These are my non-negotiable appointments in my life.
That’s why my relationships are strong. Vibrant. Life-giving.
That’s why my family life is tight.
I set these appointments for years—no, for decades—in advance.
Why?
Because if you’re not going to design your future, someone else will.
Don’t Let Thieves Steal Away Your Family’s Future
There are thieves that want to steal away your family life.
Thieves like Busyness.
Hurry-titis. (An epidemic today!)
Materialism.
TV addiction.
Selfishness.
Adultery.
Money problems.
Protect your family!
How? Next to God, make your family first.
I’d like to personally invite you to take my 7-Session Online Course, Relationship Reborn. You don’t have to go anywhere. From the comfort of your homes, you can listen or watch me talk about what you can do to enrich your family life. Yes, you can have a great marriage. Yes, you can have a great relationship with your kids.
Don’t leave it to chance. To design the future of your family life, log on at www.FamilyReborn.com now.
May your dreams come true,
Bo Sanchez
PS. Protect your Family Life. What kind of future do you want? To design your future for your family, log on at www.FamilyReborn.com now.
MY THOUGHTS
what kind of thieves do you have? we see them all over. inside our homes. in other homes. what's sad is, we don't even know they are thieves. we think we're being busy for our loved ones, working hard so we can provide for them. only to find that, in out business, in our desire to provide the material things, we have failed to protect our relationships with them. think about this now. before it's too late.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Friday, January 7, 2011
DR. WILLIAM PETIT ON THE UNSPEAKABLE TRAGEDY IN CONNECTICUT
IN HIS FIRST INTERVIEW: GRIEVING HUSBAND AND FATHER DR. WILLIAM PETIT ON THE UNSPEAKABLE TRAGEDY IN CONNECTICUT
In one of the most horrific crimes in recent memory, the Petit family was destroyed during an unimaginable night of evil that left people across the country gasping in horror. Three years later, Oprah visits Dr. William Petit at his parents' Connecticut home to talk about the tragic loss of his family and the strength he found to move forward.
Dr. Petit had been married to his wife, Jennifer, a nurse, for 22 years. Their 17-year-old daughter Hayley was captain of her high school basketball team and headed to Dartmouth College in the fall. Eleven-year-old Michaela loved to cook and was just starting to come into her own.
On a Sunday morning in July 2007, the close-knit Petit family attended church services in their Connecticut suburb like they usually did. The beautiful weather and typical summer day gave no premonition of the terror about to take place.
According to police, a convicted felon who was out on parole randomly spotted Jennifer and Michaela at a neighborhood convenience store. After following them home, 44-year-old Steven Hayes and 26-year-old Joshua Komisarjevsky allegedly plotted out a horrific home invasion.
Michaela cooked Sunday dinner for her family that night, and Dr. Petit fell asleep reading the paper while the girls watched television and headed off to bed.
At 3 a.m., the two armed intruders broke in. Dr. Petit was the first victim, bludgeoned with a baseball bat and tied unconscious to a pole in the basement. Jennifer, Hayley and Michaela were bound to their beds and tortured throughout the night.
At daybreak, Jennifer was forced to go to a bank and withdraw money for her kidnappers. She slipped a note to the bank teller explaining her family's hostage situation and withdrew $15,000, desperately hoping it would save her family's lives.
Instead, the unthinkable happened. Michaela was allegedly sexually assaulted while tied to her childhood bed. Just minutes after returning from the bank with the money, Jennifer was raped and strangled to death. Her body and the house were doused with gasoline.
Meanwhile, Dr. Petit woke up in the basement. With his feet still bound, he hopped up the stairs and crawled across the yard to a neighbor's house to get help—but it was too late. The Petits' home quickly went up in flames. Hayley managed to free herself from her restraints but died at the top of the stairs from smoke inhalation. Michaela died still bound to her bed. Their mother's body was burned beyond recognition.
"I went to sleep one night in a nice home with a loving family and basically awakened in an emergency room naked on a gurney with no clothes, no family, no home," Dr. Petit says. "Everything was gone."
According to police, just minutes after the house set on fire, Hayes and Komisarjevsky stole the family's minivan and crashed head-on into a police roadblock while trying to flee the gruesome scene.
Although it was extremely difficult, Dr. Petit was present every day of Steven Hayes' trial. "I was the only face left in our family, so I needed to be there," he says. Dr. Petit says he left the room during the medical examiner's reports. "Too much to hear. I cried," he says.
More than three years after the murders, Hayes was convicted on all counts except arson and sentenced to death. After the verdict was given, Dr. Petit spoke from outside the courthouse. "This is a verdict for justice," he said. "I think the defendant faces far more serious punishment from the Lord than he can ever face from mankind."
Jury selection for the trial of Hayes' alleged co-conspirator, Komisarjevsky, is expected to begin in February 2011. Kominsarjevsky has pled not guilty to all charges.
Oprah: Was there any satisfaction for you [in Hayes] getting the death penalty as a sentence?
Dr. Petit: Just the satisfaction that I think it's the appropriate penalty. I think God wants us to hate evil. I think God tells us to abide by man's law.
Oprah: How did it feel to you to sit in that courtroom every day and have your family referred to as "the victims" or "alleged victims" and have the perpetrator of this crime referred to by his name every day?
Dr. Petit: It's the death by a thousand paper cuts. You're absolutely right. You sit there and they talk about the "alleged victims." And I always think, "I will drive you to the cemetery and show you the 'alleged victims.'" You know? The decedents. You want to jump up and say: "They have names. They're people. Their names were Jennifer and Hayley and Michaela."
Although the media has been fixated on how the Petit women died, Dr. Petit wants the world to remember how they lived. Jennifer Hawke met Dr. Petit in 1981 when he was a doctor and she was a pediatric nurse at the same hospital. They married four years later and had two daughters. Jennifer suffered from multiple sclerosis, but those who knew her say she never complained.
Family and friends say Jennifer loved being a mother and raising her girls and was also a second mom to students at the boarding school where she worked. "The boarding school life, there are a lot of kids from far away," Dr. Petit says. "So she spent a lot of time with the kids—part nurse and part mother."
Dr. Petit has not returned to his medical practice since losing his family, but he thinks Jennifer would want him to. "She'd probably want me to go back to medicine," he says. "Wives are prejudiced. She said I was the smartest guy she ever knew."
Jennifer and Dr. Petit's oldest daughter, Hayley, excelled in school and served as co-captain of both her high school basketball and rowing teams. She was an "A" student and was headed to prestigious Dartmouth College with dreams of becoming a doctor like her father. Hayley wrote her college admissions essay about her dad, who gave her her first doctor's bag at the age of 4.
Hayley was a caring big sister and a natural leader. She started Hayley's Hope, an organization to raise money for multiple sclerosis in hopes of saving her mom.
In Dr. Petit's impact statement, he said one of the things he will regret most is that Hayley didn't live to have a one true love. Hayley was not dating, but Dr. Petit says he knows there was one boy who was very special to her. "He's a wonderful kid," he says. "He's a varsity basketball player, and I think she loved him."
Michaela, the Petits' youngest daughter, was also known as KK Rosebud, a special nickname her dad gave her. She was a sixth-grader who loved to dance and jump on the trampoline. She had a talent for gardening, and although she was just 11 years old, her true passion was cooking. Dr. Petit says Michaela loved to watch the Food Network and cooked the family's last meal, bruschetta and pasta.
Michaela's favorite quote was: "Be the change you wish to see in the world."
At his family's memorial service, Dr. Petit says he had a strong need to speak for Jennifer, Hayley and Michaela. "If there's anything to be gained from the senseless deaths of my beautiful family, it's for us to all go forward," he said. "Help a neighbor, fight for a cause, love your family."
Oprah: Are you able to think of their life and the fullness of their life? Or are you still more focused on the day they died and how they died?
Dr. Petit: There's some of both. The daytime's easier to focus on positive things. Falling asleep and waking up are the hardest times. The transitions from sleep to wakefulness. It pretty much comes back every day.
Oprah: Do you fear going to sleep?
Dr. Petit: In the beginning, I feared sleeping. ... I was completely fried. I was just walking around in a daze, and just intrusive thoughts banging into your brain every second, every minute, where you're playing events over and over and over again in your mind.
Dr. Petit's extended family is as close as families get. His sister Hanna Chapman was best friends with Jennifer. And Hanna always treated her brother's daughters like they were her own children.
When police needed someone to identify the bodies of Jennifer, Hayley and Michaela, they asked Hanna and Dr. Petit's brother Glenn to go. Hanna says she still struggles with what she saw at the police station. "On top of my pain, I have the horrid images of the torture that they suffered for seven hours in that house, in their sanctuary, in their bedrooms in the middle of the night in the dark," she says. "I can't help but think what they were thinking, or what they were saying, and what they were praying for."
Despite the emotional toll of identifying her family members' bodies—Jennifer's was so disfigured she had to be identified using dental records—Hanna says she doesn't have second thoughts about agreeing to the request. "I don't regret having done it; I regret having to do it," she says. "I regret that they asked any one of us to do it. I regret the fact that this evil came into their home."
Dr. Petit says some people have tried to help him cope with grief by advising him to live in the moment. "I thought, 'That's okay for people who have a past they can touch and a future they can dream for,'" he says. "But when you feel like a lot of your past is gone and there's no future, the present loses some meaning."
Instead, Dr. Petit says he has found a reason to keep living—though he says he thought about suicide—through religion and faith. "I thought in the afterlife if I was going to meet up with my family, if I did that, then maybe I would never meet up with them again," he says. "I wasn't willing to take that chance."
Oprah: Will there ever be closure for you?
Dr. Petit: I don't think there's ever closure. I just...I don't think there is. People will probably argue with me, but I just don't think you can lose your whole family and have closure. Like I said, there's a jagged hole in your heart, there's a jagged hole in your soul. Over time, the waves of goodness going back and forth maybe smooth the jagged edges a little bit, but the hole remains. I don't think you fill it in. Forty months later, that's how I feel.
Started with money donated by friends, community members and complete strangers, the Petit Family Foundation preserves the memory of Jennifer, Hayley and Michaela by promoting causes the Petit women held close to their hearts. So far, the foundation has raised more than $1.5 million.
"What we are trying to do is to fund educational programs, especially in the sciences, and hopefully that will help young women," Dr. Petit says. "Secondly, to help perhaps with the educational aspects of some chronic illnesses like multiple sclerosis—that Jen had—and certainly to help those affected by violence."
Dr. Petit says the foundation has helped him see that the world is not only darkness and evil. "It makes me feel that there are really a lot of good people in the world that reach out," he says. "You know, somebody from California wrote in and said: 'Here's my check for $500. This is for scholarships for women. You're going to get this from me every year until the day I die because of your daughter Hayley.'"
MY THOUGHTS
i thought the vizconde case was bad enough. this certainly is worse. except, of course, dr.petit got justice. but he's right, in time, he will heal. but there will always be a hole. i don't really have much to say. what can you say when something like this happens.
In one of the most horrific crimes in recent memory, the Petit family was destroyed during an unimaginable night of evil that left people across the country gasping in horror. Three years later, Oprah visits Dr. William Petit at his parents' Connecticut home to talk about the tragic loss of his family and the strength he found to move forward.
Dr. Petit had been married to his wife, Jennifer, a nurse, for 22 years. Their 17-year-old daughter Hayley was captain of her high school basketball team and headed to Dartmouth College in the fall. Eleven-year-old Michaela loved to cook and was just starting to come into her own.
On a Sunday morning in July 2007, the close-knit Petit family attended church services in their Connecticut suburb like they usually did. The beautiful weather and typical summer day gave no premonition of the terror about to take place.
According to police, a convicted felon who was out on parole randomly spotted Jennifer and Michaela at a neighborhood convenience store. After following them home, 44-year-old Steven Hayes and 26-year-old Joshua Komisarjevsky allegedly plotted out a horrific home invasion.
Michaela cooked Sunday dinner for her family that night, and Dr. Petit fell asleep reading the paper while the girls watched television and headed off to bed.
At 3 a.m., the two armed intruders broke in. Dr. Petit was the first victim, bludgeoned with a baseball bat and tied unconscious to a pole in the basement. Jennifer, Hayley and Michaela were bound to their beds and tortured throughout the night.
At daybreak, Jennifer was forced to go to a bank and withdraw money for her kidnappers. She slipped a note to the bank teller explaining her family's hostage situation and withdrew $15,000, desperately hoping it would save her family's lives.
Instead, the unthinkable happened. Michaela was allegedly sexually assaulted while tied to her childhood bed. Just minutes after returning from the bank with the money, Jennifer was raped and strangled to death. Her body and the house were doused with gasoline.
Meanwhile, Dr. Petit woke up in the basement. With his feet still bound, he hopped up the stairs and crawled across the yard to a neighbor's house to get help—but it was too late. The Petits' home quickly went up in flames. Hayley managed to free herself from her restraints but died at the top of the stairs from smoke inhalation. Michaela died still bound to her bed. Their mother's body was burned beyond recognition.
"I went to sleep one night in a nice home with a loving family and basically awakened in an emergency room naked on a gurney with no clothes, no family, no home," Dr. Petit says. "Everything was gone."
According to police, just minutes after the house set on fire, Hayes and Komisarjevsky stole the family's minivan and crashed head-on into a police roadblock while trying to flee the gruesome scene.
Although it was extremely difficult, Dr. Petit was present every day of Steven Hayes' trial. "I was the only face left in our family, so I needed to be there," he says. Dr. Petit says he left the room during the medical examiner's reports. "Too much to hear. I cried," he says.
More than three years after the murders, Hayes was convicted on all counts except arson and sentenced to death. After the verdict was given, Dr. Petit spoke from outside the courthouse. "This is a verdict for justice," he said. "I think the defendant faces far more serious punishment from the Lord than he can ever face from mankind."
Jury selection for the trial of Hayes' alleged co-conspirator, Komisarjevsky, is expected to begin in February 2011. Kominsarjevsky has pled not guilty to all charges.
Oprah: Was there any satisfaction for you [in Hayes] getting the death penalty as a sentence?
Dr. Petit: Just the satisfaction that I think it's the appropriate penalty. I think God wants us to hate evil. I think God tells us to abide by man's law.
Oprah: How did it feel to you to sit in that courtroom every day and have your family referred to as "the victims" or "alleged victims" and have the perpetrator of this crime referred to by his name every day?
Dr. Petit: It's the death by a thousand paper cuts. You're absolutely right. You sit there and they talk about the "alleged victims." And I always think, "I will drive you to the cemetery and show you the 'alleged victims.'" You know? The decedents. You want to jump up and say: "They have names. They're people. Their names were Jennifer and Hayley and Michaela."
Although the media has been fixated on how the Petit women died, Dr. Petit wants the world to remember how they lived. Jennifer Hawke met Dr. Petit in 1981 when he was a doctor and she was a pediatric nurse at the same hospital. They married four years later and had two daughters. Jennifer suffered from multiple sclerosis, but those who knew her say she never complained.
Family and friends say Jennifer loved being a mother and raising her girls and was also a second mom to students at the boarding school where she worked. "The boarding school life, there are a lot of kids from far away," Dr. Petit says. "So she spent a lot of time with the kids—part nurse and part mother."
Dr. Petit has not returned to his medical practice since losing his family, but he thinks Jennifer would want him to. "She'd probably want me to go back to medicine," he says. "Wives are prejudiced. She said I was the smartest guy she ever knew."
Jennifer and Dr. Petit's oldest daughter, Hayley, excelled in school and served as co-captain of both her high school basketball and rowing teams. She was an "A" student and was headed to prestigious Dartmouth College with dreams of becoming a doctor like her father. Hayley wrote her college admissions essay about her dad, who gave her her first doctor's bag at the age of 4.
Hayley was a caring big sister and a natural leader. She started Hayley's Hope, an organization to raise money for multiple sclerosis in hopes of saving her mom.
In Dr. Petit's impact statement, he said one of the things he will regret most is that Hayley didn't live to have a one true love. Hayley was not dating, but Dr. Petit says he knows there was one boy who was very special to her. "He's a wonderful kid," he says. "He's a varsity basketball player, and I think she loved him."
Michaela, the Petits' youngest daughter, was also known as KK Rosebud, a special nickname her dad gave her. She was a sixth-grader who loved to dance and jump on the trampoline. She had a talent for gardening, and although she was just 11 years old, her true passion was cooking. Dr. Petit says Michaela loved to watch the Food Network and cooked the family's last meal, bruschetta and pasta.
Michaela's favorite quote was: "Be the change you wish to see in the world."
At his family's memorial service, Dr. Petit says he had a strong need to speak for Jennifer, Hayley and Michaela. "If there's anything to be gained from the senseless deaths of my beautiful family, it's for us to all go forward," he said. "Help a neighbor, fight for a cause, love your family."
Oprah: Are you able to think of their life and the fullness of their life? Or are you still more focused on the day they died and how they died?
Dr. Petit: There's some of both. The daytime's easier to focus on positive things. Falling asleep and waking up are the hardest times. The transitions from sleep to wakefulness. It pretty much comes back every day.
Oprah: Do you fear going to sleep?
Dr. Petit: In the beginning, I feared sleeping. ... I was completely fried. I was just walking around in a daze, and just intrusive thoughts banging into your brain every second, every minute, where you're playing events over and over and over again in your mind.
Dr. Petit's extended family is as close as families get. His sister Hanna Chapman was best friends with Jennifer. And Hanna always treated her brother's daughters like they were her own children.
When police needed someone to identify the bodies of Jennifer, Hayley and Michaela, they asked Hanna and Dr. Petit's brother Glenn to go. Hanna says she still struggles with what she saw at the police station. "On top of my pain, I have the horrid images of the torture that they suffered for seven hours in that house, in their sanctuary, in their bedrooms in the middle of the night in the dark," she says. "I can't help but think what they were thinking, or what they were saying, and what they were praying for."
Despite the emotional toll of identifying her family members' bodies—Jennifer's was so disfigured she had to be identified using dental records—Hanna says she doesn't have second thoughts about agreeing to the request. "I don't regret having done it; I regret having to do it," she says. "I regret that they asked any one of us to do it. I regret the fact that this evil came into their home."
Dr. Petit says some people have tried to help him cope with grief by advising him to live in the moment. "I thought, 'That's okay for people who have a past they can touch and a future they can dream for,'" he says. "But when you feel like a lot of your past is gone and there's no future, the present loses some meaning."
Instead, Dr. Petit says he has found a reason to keep living—though he says he thought about suicide—through religion and faith. "I thought in the afterlife if I was going to meet up with my family, if I did that, then maybe I would never meet up with them again," he says. "I wasn't willing to take that chance."
Oprah: Will there ever be closure for you?
Dr. Petit: I don't think there's ever closure. I just...I don't think there is. People will probably argue with me, but I just don't think you can lose your whole family and have closure. Like I said, there's a jagged hole in your heart, there's a jagged hole in your soul. Over time, the waves of goodness going back and forth maybe smooth the jagged edges a little bit, but the hole remains. I don't think you fill it in. Forty months later, that's how I feel.
Started with money donated by friends, community members and complete strangers, the Petit Family Foundation preserves the memory of Jennifer, Hayley and Michaela by promoting causes the Petit women held close to their hearts. So far, the foundation has raised more than $1.5 million.
"What we are trying to do is to fund educational programs, especially in the sciences, and hopefully that will help young women," Dr. Petit says. "Secondly, to help perhaps with the educational aspects of some chronic illnesses like multiple sclerosis—that Jen had—and certainly to help those affected by violence."
Dr. Petit says the foundation has helped him see that the world is not only darkness and evil. "It makes me feel that there are really a lot of good people in the world that reach out," he says. "You know, somebody from California wrote in and said: 'Here's my check for $500. This is for scholarships for women. You're going to get this from me every year until the day I die because of your daughter Hayley.'"
MY THOUGHTS
i thought the vizconde case was bad enough. this certainly is worse. except, of course, dr.petit got justice. but he's right, in time, he will heal. but there will always be a hole. i don't really have much to say. what can you say when something like this happens.
Monday, December 20, 2010
Learn about Holywood Parenting
RIE: Is Hollywood's Latest Parenting Trend Wacky or Smart?
Jenna McCarthy ON Nov 2, 2010 at 12:36PM
There’s a new parenting trend in Hollywood, and for once it has nothing to do with giving your child a wacky name or parading her around town in a stroller that costs as much as a car. RIE, short for Resources for Infant Educarers and pronounced like "wry" (ironic!), is all about getting back to basics and creating an infant-oriented environment devoid of blinking, beeping, buzzing toys and parents who are inclined to swoop in at the first sign of tears. (Famous followers reportedly include Jamie Lee Curtis, Helen Hunt, Tobey Maguire and Felicity Huffman.) The RIE approach, proponents insist, helps raise children who are competent, confident, curious, cooperative, cheerful and aware.
Of course, RIE isn’t new. It was founded in the 1970s by an infant educator and a pediatric neurologist and, admittedly, lots of things about the parenting approach make sense. For instance, followers eschew fancy gadgets, pointing out that busy toys produce passive children who are destined to become tiny TV addicts. Instead, RIE-approved playthings include simple objects babies can use imaginatively in multiple ways, like stacking cups, empty water bottles and wooden spoons. Once the child is engaged, parents are taught to watch and respect the way he or she chooses to interact with a toy and not direct the play. Daily parenting duties -- think diapering, changing, feeding -- are viewed as opportunities to engage and instruct, not tedious roadblocks to playtime.
On the other hand, there are some aspects of RIE that could make it challenging to execute flawlessly. For instance, parents are encouraged not to immediately console a sobbing tot but to view a baby’s cries as intelligent, meaningful communication in need of deciphering. Which is all kinds of enlightened and fabulous in theory -- until you’ve got a career-making conference call or other children sleeping nearby. Similarly, while I agree that the RIE motto “never disturb a contented baby” makes a nice wall plaque, when you’ve got to get another kid to soccer practice, dinner is burning on the stove and the UPS guy is banging on the screen door demanding a signature, sometimes baby’s precious contentment is going to have to be disturbed.
There isn’t much opposition to RIE, save for a few claims that some advocates take the approach to extremes (No singing? No dancing? Didn’t these people see what happened when they tried to ban those in Footloose?), and that even in moderation, notions like “never disturb a contented baby” can be wildly inconvenient. Sort of like parenting in general.
MY THOUGHTS
anything extreme is bad. so, whether your a holywood parent or not, there are some RIE principles that should be taken seriously while some should be discarded.
Jenna McCarthy ON Nov 2, 2010 at 12:36PM
There’s a new parenting trend in Hollywood, and for once it has nothing to do with giving your child a wacky name or parading her around town in a stroller that costs as much as a car. RIE, short for Resources for Infant Educarers and pronounced like "wry" (ironic!), is all about getting back to basics and creating an infant-oriented environment devoid of blinking, beeping, buzzing toys and parents who are inclined to swoop in at the first sign of tears. (Famous followers reportedly include Jamie Lee Curtis, Helen Hunt, Tobey Maguire and Felicity Huffman.) The RIE approach, proponents insist, helps raise children who are competent, confident, curious, cooperative, cheerful and aware.
Of course, RIE isn’t new. It was founded in the 1970s by an infant educator and a pediatric neurologist and, admittedly, lots of things about the parenting approach make sense. For instance, followers eschew fancy gadgets, pointing out that busy toys produce passive children who are destined to become tiny TV addicts. Instead, RIE-approved playthings include simple objects babies can use imaginatively in multiple ways, like stacking cups, empty water bottles and wooden spoons. Once the child is engaged, parents are taught to watch and respect the way he or she chooses to interact with a toy and not direct the play. Daily parenting duties -- think diapering, changing, feeding -- are viewed as opportunities to engage and instruct, not tedious roadblocks to playtime.
On the other hand, there are some aspects of RIE that could make it challenging to execute flawlessly. For instance, parents are encouraged not to immediately console a sobbing tot but to view a baby’s cries as intelligent, meaningful communication in need of deciphering. Which is all kinds of enlightened and fabulous in theory -- until you’ve got a career-making conference call or other children sleeping nearby. Similarly, while I agree that the RIE motto “never disturb a contented baby” makes a nice wall plaque, when you’ve got to get another kid to soccer practice, dinner is burning on the stove and the UPS guy is banging on the screen door demanding a signature, sometimes baby’s precious contentment is going to have to be disturbed.
There isn’t much opposition to RIE, save for a few claims that some advocates take the approach to extremes (No singing? No dancing? Didn’t these people see what happened when they tried to ban those in Footloose?), and that even in moderation, notions like “never disturb a contented baby” can be wildly inconvenient. Sort of like parenting in general.
MY THOUGHTS
anything extreme is bad. so, whether your a holywood parent or not, there are some RIE principles that should be taken seriously while some should be discarded.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
What Cavemen Knew About Parenting
What Cavemen Knew About Parenting (That We Don’t)
Jenna McCarthy ON Sep 24, 2010 at 3:59PM
Most modern, educated moms and dads are hell-bent on raising their children to be smart, sane and successful. We fill our homes with educational toys and props, shuffle our young from bouncy-seat to play mat to swing to keep them engaged, do our best to breastfeed for as many months as we can (unless we have a really good reason not to), and embrace tough-love practices like “crying it out” to foster independence and teach critical skills like self-soothing and falling asleep. Apparently, we’re doing it all wrong.
When researchers at Notre Dame compiled the results of a study looking at why our Neolithic ancestors had more intelligent, happier, better-behaved kids than we do, they came up with a laundry list of the cavemoms’ winning ways. Among them: Breastfeeding for at least two to five years (something most people today would consider “extreme”), immediate response to baby’s cries, constant carrying and natural, drug-free deliveries.
On a positive note, having multiple adult caregivers beyond mom and dad was considered a plus (I’m hoping preschool counts here), along with exposure to multi-age playmates (I gave the first kid a sister; was that enough?).
If you’re pregnant or considering adding to your brood, this is good information to have. But honestly, I’m glad I didn’t have it back when I would have known how much potential damage I was doing to my kids -- or else I would have felt compelled to have them both strapped to me at all times.
MY THOUGHTS
breastfeeding for 5 years? better plan the family well. if you have 2-3 kids one after the other, you won't have time to do anything else but breastfeed!!! but then, what else is there to do for a cavemom?
Jenna McCarthy ON Sep 24, 2010 at 3:59PM
Most modern, educated moms and dads are hell-bent on raising their children to be smart, sane and successful. We fill our homes with educational toys and props, shuffle our young from bouncy-seat to play mat to swing to keep them engaged, do our best to breastfeed for as many months as we can (unless we have a really good reason not to), and embrace tough-love practices like “crying it out” to foster independence and teach critical skills like self-soothing and falling asleep. Apparently, we’re doing it all wrong.
When researchers at Notre Dame compiled the results of a study looking at why our Neolithic ancestors had more intelligent, happier, better-behaved kids than we do, they came up with a laundry list of the cavemoms’ winning ways. Among them: Breastfeeding for at least two to five years (something most people today would consider “extreme”), immediate response to baby’s cries, constant carrying and natural, drug-free deliveries.
On a positive note, having multiple adult caregivers beyond mom and dad was considered a plus (I’m hoping preschool counts here), along with exposure to multi-age playmates (I gave the first kid a sister; was that enough?).
If you’re pregnant or considering adding to your brood, this is good information to have. But honestly, I’m glad I didn’t have it back when I would have known how much potential damage I was doing to my kids -- or else I would have felt compelled to have them both strapped to me at all times.
MY THOUGHTS
breastfeeding for 5 years? better plan the family well. if you have 2-3 kids one after the other, you won't have time to do anything else but breastfeed!!! but then, what else is there to do for a cavemom?
Thursday, November 4, 2010
5 Ways Parents Can Help With Homework
5 Ways Parents Can Help With Homework
Things Teachers Wish Parents Would Do to Help With Homework
By Amanda Morin, About.com Contributing Writer
It's not just your kids who need your help with homework; teachers need your help too. While you may have prepared at home by setting up a homework space, coming up with a homework plan and a plan to make sure it gets into the teacher's hands, there are a few other, more subtle things that your child's teacher needs you to do for homework to be successful.
What You Need to Know About Homework
•Read the homework policy. Teachers know that parents feel like they are drowning in all the paperwork that comes home from school and, if they can help it, won't add unnecessary notices to the pile. However, the homework policy is a memo that parents really ought to read to avoid questions and confusions further down the line. Homework policies outline the important details such as whether or not an assignment will be accepted late, what percentage of your child's grade is based on homework, what resources are considered acceptable for research or even whether assignments need to be written in pen or pencil.
•Ask your child daily about homework. Many students forget to write down homework assignments or wait until the last minute to complete a long-term project. Asking every day about your child's homework (and framing the question so you get more than "Yeah, I have homework") not only shows your child you're invested in his academic success, but also gives you a chance to run him back to school for books he may need, provide help with a tough assignment or help him plan out a schedule for approaching for a long-term project.
•Talk to the teacher if your child is spending too much time on or struggling with assignments. Believe it or not, your child's teacher doesn't want her to spend hours toiling over her homework. The assignment should, for the most part, be practicing a skill she's already learned, preparing for the next day's class or a test or working on a project that goes hand-in-hand with something being learned in class. Homework really shouldn't be that hard and if your child's teacher is sticking to the National Education Association's recommended 10-minute rule, shouldn't take much more than 10 minutes for each grade level she's finished. (i.e. first grade=10 minutes, second grade=20 minutes, etc.) If your child is struggling she may need some extra help or a specialized homework plan that reduces her amount of homework
•Supervise, brainstorm and encourage, but not create, your child's project. How many times have you seen a science fair project that you know is too sophisticated for a third grader to have done by himself? Your child's teacher has probably seen plenty of projects just like them. The point of a project is to teach students to plan, organize and present information all by themselves, not to have the best or most attractive finished product. It's okay to help come up with ideas and to buy supplies, but resist the urge to step in and simply be there for your child.
•Look over completed homework. This one's pretty self-explanatory. Check over your child's homework when he's done with it. The purpose is not only to make sure he's actually done it, but also to make sure it's been done well. Some children rush through assignments and make careless mistakes, while others may misunderstand the directions and do the assignment completely wrong. These are things a quick homework check can help to catch.
MY THOUGHTS
this is very important for us to realize. homeworks are supposed to be for the kids to practice what they already learned in school. teaching a new skill or principle is the teachers job. at home, we're supposed to provide more practice for retention. homeworks are alsoour windows to what's happening in school.
Things Teachers Wish Parents Would Do to Help With Homework
By Amanda Morin, About.com Contributing Writer
It's not just your kids who need your help with homework; teachers need your help too. While you may have prepared at home by setting up a homework space, coming up with a homework plan and a plan to make sure it gets into the teacher's hands, there are a few other, more subtle things that your child's teacher needs you to do for homework to be successful.
What You Need to Know About Homework
•Read the homework policy. Teachers know that parents feel like they are drowning in all the paperwork that comes home from school and, if they can help it, won't add unnecessary notices to the pile. However, the homework policy is a memo that parents really ought to read to avoid questions and confusions further down the line. Homework policies outline the important details such as whether or not an assignment will be accepted late, what percentage of your child's grade is based on homework, what resources are considered acceptable for research or even whether assignments need to be written in pen or pencil.
•Ask your child daily about homework. Many students forget to write down homework assignments or wait until the last minute to complete a long-term project. Asking every day about your child's homework (and framing the question so you get more than "Yeah, I have homework") not only shows your child you're invested in his academic success, but also gives you a chance to run him back to school for books he may need, provide help with a tough assignment or help him plan out a schedule for approaching for a long-term project.
•Talk to the teacher if your child is spending too much time on or struggling with assignments. Believe it or not, your child's teacher doesn't want her to spend hours toiling over her homework. The assignment should, for the most part, be practicing a skill she's already learned, preparing for the next day's class or a test or working on a project that goes hand-in-hand with something being learned in class. Homework really shouldn't be that hard and if your child's teacher is sticking to the National Education Association's recommended 10-minute rule, shouldn't take much more than 10 minutes for each grade level she's finished. (i.e. first grade=10 minutes, second grade=20 minutes, etc.) If your child is struggling she may need some extra help or a specialized homework plan that reduces her amount of homework
•Supervise, brainstorm and encourage, but not create, your child's project. How many times have you seen a science fair project that you know is too sophisticated for a third grader to have done by himself? Your child's teacher has probably seen plenty of projects just like them. The point of a project is to teach students to plan, organize and present information all by themselves, not to have the best or most attractive finished product. It's okay to help come up with ideas and to buy supplies, but resist the urge to step in and simply be there for your child.
•Look over completed homework. This one's pretty self-explanatory. Check over your child's homework when he's done with it. The purpose is not only to make sure he's actually done it, but also to make sure it's been done well. Some children rush through assignments and make careless mistakes, while others may misunderstand the directions and do the assignment completely wrong. These are things a quick homework check can help to catch.
MY THOUGHTS
this is very important for us to realize. homeworks are supposed to be for the kids to practice what they already learned in school. teaching a new skill or principle is the teachers job. at home, we're supposed to provide more practice for retention. homeworks are alsoour windows to what's happening in school.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Tips for Families: what's happening at day care
12 Things That Happen at Daycare That You Don't Know About, Mom
Your Child May Be Calling the Daycare Teachers “Mommy”
Your Child May Sit in a Wet Diaper for Longer Than She’s Used To
Hand Washing is Less of a Rule, More of a Happenstance
Children May Be Getting Their Teeth Brushed After Meals
Your Child Might be Watching TV
Your Child May Behave Very Differently at Daycare Than He Does at Home
The Child Care Instructors Are Trying to Wean Your Child Off the Blanket, Paci or Bottle
The Kids are Being Moved from Room to Room, So There is Never an Accurate Head Count Or a Consistent Student-to-Teacher Ratio
Unmarked Matching Sippy Cups are Often Confused with Each Other and Mixed Up
That Separation Anxiety Your Daughter Exhibited When You First Dropped Her Off? Not Even an Afterthought
A Staffer Is Using Certain Religious Terms with Your Child, or Teaching Him Religious Values
Daycare Workers are Often Underpaid and Required to Do Additional Work, So There Maybe a High Turnover
Kids, especially young ones, often transfer feelings of affection from one person to another -- and the language that goes with it. If your children spend all day with someone who is feeding them, changing them, hugging them and treating their boo-boos, it’s perfectly normal for your child to attach the name usually reserved for that role -- “mommy” -- to that person. Often the daycare worker will be embarrassed that she’s been given this name, however, and forgo telling the parent.
What to do: Don’t take it personally. It doesn’t mean your child loves you less, or wants to pack a bag and move in with “Miss Kathy.” She may just be confused about who mommy really is. Consider it a bonus that your child is being well-cared for and loved.
You can sniff out a wet diaper -- or feel one -- almost upon impact, but in daycare your child might be sitting in a soggy nappie for an hour or two before it’s changed. Depending on the center, diapers may be changed every two to four hours -- which means if Little Mimi makes a wee-wee right after the Huggies have been checked, she’ll be damp for a while.
What to do: If your child is getting diaper rashes, your first line of defense is a heavy coating of diaper cream in the morning before drop off. Also, talk to your daycare provider -- often the changing schedules are simply guidelines, and the staff won’t mind giving your baby’s bum more frequent feel tests.
According to the medical journal, Infectious Diseases in Children, one-third of daycare facilities surveyed had "poor hand washing techniques and no policy for hand washing before eating or after playing outside." A sick child sucks his fingers (and who are we kidding? -- there are sick children in daycare), then puts those fingers on a toy, on a paintbrush, in the playdough, another child touches it and -- bingo! We’ve got a viral sniffle.
What to do: Inquire, inquire, inquire. Ask about hand-washing procedures and rules, and ask to see the sink where it all happens. Is there clean and available soap? Clean towels and proper waste disposal? Are workers required to wash hands after changing a diaper? Do the children scrub up before snacks and meals? There should be rules, and if there aren’t, offer to make some or ask that some be made.
Children May Be Getting Their Teeth Brushed After Meals Your Child Might be Watching TV
Your Child May Behave Very Differently at Daycare Than He Does at Home
In January, a Massachusetts law passed requiring daycare centers to help children brush their teeth after meals due to a recent study that found an increase in children's tooth decay. While the mandate isn’t exactly sweeping the nation, other centers are following suit. The centers even provide the brushes, caps and paste.
What to do: Enjoy the extra brushing! Even though the rule is to brush twice a day, in the morning and evening, some dentists also recommend a good cleaning after meals and snacks.
Your Child Might be Watching TV Your Child May Behave Very Differently at Daycare Than He Does at Home
What to do: Let everyone at the center know you want feedback -- good or bad. Otherwise, if the staff doesn't know you want details about tantrums, tears, or turmoil, you might be left in the dark.
Personnel have different shifts throughout the day, so you could drop off little Tommy smiling and placid, then and pick him up the same way -- but never talk to the staff member who, in the middle of the day, had to remove him from the lunch table because he didn’t like the color of his lunch-table chair. If she didn’t have time to write you a note describing the episode, you might never know about your kid's behavior glitches.
What to do: Let everyone at the center know you want feedback -- good or bad. Otherwise, if the staff doesn't know you want details about tantrums, tears, or turmoil, you might be left in the dark.
Some daycare centers don’t allow bottles or blankets because they carry germs, are extra things to keep track of and are often a crutch for socializing. Parents usually consider this a bonus -- and appreciate the help in weaning their kid off the ba-ba or paci completely.
What to do: Think your kid’s paci is a must-have transition tool that helps comfort him or her in your absence? Then be sure to inquire about or pick a daycare center that allows pacifiers, bottles, blankets or stuffies. However, try not to alleviate separation anxiety with a new item -- especially the paci -- it can be harder to give up as your kid gets older.
The Kids are Being Moved from Room to Room, So There is Never an Accurate Head Count Or a Consistent Student-to-Teacher Ratio Unmarked Matching Sippy Cups are Often Confused with Each Other and Mixed Up
That Separation Anxiety Your Daughter Exhibited When You First Dropped Her Off? Not Even an Afterthought
A Staffer Is Using Certain Religious Terms with Your Child, or Teaching Him Religious Values
Daycare Workers are Often Underpaid and Required to Do Additional Work, So There Maybe a High Turnover
Kids, especially young ones, often transfer feelings of affection from one person to another -- and the language that goes with it. If your children spend all day with someone who is feeding them, changing them, hugging them and treating their boo-boos, it’s perfectly normal for your child to attach the name usually reserved for that role -- “mommy” -- to that person. Often the daycare worker will be embarrassed that she’s been given this name, however, and forgo telling the parent.
What to do: Don’t take it personally. It doesn’t mean your child loves you less, or wants to pack a bag and move in with “Miss Kathy.” She may just be confused about who mommy really is. Consider it a bonus that your child is being well-cared for and loved.
Filed Under: child care, day care
You can sniff out a wet diaper -- or feel one -- almost upon impact, but in daycare your child might be sitting in a soggy nappie for an hour or two before it’s changed. Depending on the center, diapers may be changed every two to four hours -- which means if Little Mimi makes a wee-wee right after the Huggies have been checked, she’ll be damp for a while.
According to the medical journal, Infectious Diseases in Children, one-third of daycare facilities surveyed had "poor hand washing techniques and no policy for hand washing before eating or after playing outside." A sick child sucks his fingers (and who are we kidding? -- there are sick children in daycare), then puts those fingers on a toy, on a paintbrush, in the playdough, another child touches it and -- bingo! We’ve got a viral sniffle.
Stacey Bradford, a mother in New York City with two daughters, ages four and 10 months, discovered that her first daycare center was violating a state health code that limited each classroom to 10 children in the under-2 age group (ratios vary from state to state, and from at-home daycares to larger ones). “I realized that there were 18 children at times, but they were being moved from room to room so you couldn’t tell how many there were,” she says.
What to do: Drop in at unexpected times, without warning to check the ratio of your daycare. You can say, "I just wanted to say hi to Stella!" Count the teachers and the children in the room and if the numbers are out of whack, speak to the director. If the problem continues? Look elsewhere. “You can find quality places that will take care good of your child and follow the rules,” says Bradford.
Unmarked Matching Sippy Cups are Often Confused with Each Other and Mixed Up
Some centers provide sippy cups for the children to make it easier for parents to pack up and get out the door in the morning. Sometimes they're matching and unmarked. The toddler snack table can be chaotic sometimes, and another kid might pick up another child’s cup and take a sip -- and we all know how quickly an object can travel from a gimme-gimme hand to a drooling mouth.
What to do: Ask if you can leave a labeled cup at the school for your child (also offer to take it home at night to wash it). This will ensure that at the least your kid will be given the same cup every day. Now, if only we could control those little snatchers...
The person who took your crying, kicking child from your arms in the morning may not be the one who signs her out to you in the afternoon. So you wonder -- how long did the crying last? Often no time at all -- the minute you hit the door she was off playing and laughing with friends. You leave the daycare with the image of her forlorn face and end up thinking that's how she looks all day. When in fact she does an immediate 180 and plays her heart out until you pick her up.
What to do: Call the center when you get to work and ask how your kid is doing. Most of the time, you’ll hear that your child started whistling Dixie the minute you drove away. If not, you can continue to check in and won’t have to wonder.
A Staffer Is Using Certain Religious Terms with Your Child, or Teaching Him Religious Values Daycare Workers are Often Underpaid and Required to Do Additional Work, So There Maybe a High Turnover
What to do: Certain companies such as KinderView based in Boston, Mass., will place cameras in daycare centers that parents can watch from any computer during the day. Many daycares are welcoming these cameras into their centers because they put parents at ease, and parents enjoy the audio/visual connection they get. They are also able to spot any practices or behaviors that make them uncomfortable -- either from the staff or the children. Knowing you’re watching will put them on their best behavior, and make the staff more open to feedback. There might be a logical explanation or reason for any behavior you might find sketchy.
Daycare Workers are Often Underpaid and Required to Do Additional Work, So There Maybe a High Turnover
Daycare workers make an average of $7 to $10 per hour, less than their counterparts who participate in "back to college" programs, says Sara Lisa Raff, an educational consultant and early childhood education instructor for a “back to college” program. Raff says she sees very high turnover in childcare staff. “I knew of one daycare that had almost no cleaning staff and left the teachers to do much of the cleaning during after school hours,” she says.
What to do: The staff is arguably the most important factor when choosing a daycare. Talk to the director and all the personnel and ask how long they’ve been there, and get a feel for how much they really like their jobs. Ask if they give bonuses, their vacation and benefits policies and any other indications of morale. Based on their answers, you can decide if that specific daycare will give your child a sense of security and consistency.
MY THOUGHTS
i can imagine how difficult it could be to leave your child in the hands of stangers - even if they are professional hands. the advice in this article are meant to lessen our anxiety.it pays to take heed.
Your Child May Be Calling the Daycare Teachers “Mommy”
Your Child May Sit in a Wet Diaper for Longer Than She’s Used To
Hand Washing is Less of a Rule, More of a Happenstance
Children May Be Getting Their Teeth Brushed After Meals
Your Child Might be Watching TV
Your Child May Behave Very Differently at Daycare Than He Does at Home
The Child Care Instructors Are Trying to Wean Your Child Off the Blanket, Paci or Bottle
The Kids are Being Moved from Room to Room, So There is Never an Accurate Head Count Or a Consistent Student-to-Teacher Ratio
Unmarked Matching Sippy Cups are Often Confused with Each Other and Mixed Up
That Separation Anxiety Your Daughter Exhibited When You First Dropped Her Off? Not Even an Afterthought
A Staffer Is Using Certain Religious Terms with Your Child, or Teaching Him Religious Values
Daycare Workers are Often Underpaid and Required to Do Additional Work, So There Maybe a High Turnover
Kids, especially young ones, often transfer feelings of affection from one person to another -- and the language that goes with it. If your children spend all day with someone who is feeding them, changing them, hugging them and treating their boo-boos, it’s perfectly normal for your child to attach the name usually reserved for that role -- “mommy” -- to that person. Often the daycare worker will be embarrassed that she’s been given this name, however, and forgo telling the parent.
What to do: Don’t take it personally. It doesn’t mean your child loves you less, or wants to pack a bag and move in with “Miss Kathy.” She may just be confused about who mommy really is. Consider it a bonus that your child is being well-cared for and loved.
You can sniff out a wet diaper -- or feel one -- almost upon impact, but in daycare your child might be sitting in a soggy nappie for an hour or two before it’s changed. Depending on the center, diapers may be changed every two to four hours -- which means if Little Mimi makes a wee-wee right after the Huggies have been checked, she’ll be damp for a while.
What to do: If your child is getting diaper rashes, your first line of defense is a heavy coating of diaper cream in the morning before drop off. Also, talk to your daycare provider -- often the changing schedules are simply guidelines, and the staff won’t mind giving your baby’s bum more frequent feel tests.
According to the medical journal, Infectious Diseases in Children, one-third of daycare facilities surveyed had "poor hand washing techniques and no policy for hand washing before eating or after playing outside." A sick child sucks his fingers (and who are we kidding? -- there are sick children in daycare), then puts those fingers on a toy, on a paintbrush, in the playdough, another child touches it and -- bingo! We’ve got a viral sniffle.
What to do: Inquire, inquire, inquire. Ask about hand-washing procedures and rules, and ask to see the sink where it all happens. Is there clean and available soap? Clean towels and proper waste disposal? Are workers required to wash hands after changing a diaper? Do the children scrub up before snacks and meals? There should be rules, and if there aren’t, offer to make some or ask that some be made.
Children May Be Getting Their Teeth Brushed After Meals Your Child Might be Watching TV
Your Child May Behave Very Differently at Daycare Than He Does at Home
In January, a Massachusetts law passed requiring daycare centers to help children brush their teeth after meals due to a recent study that found an increase in children's tooth decay. While the mandate isn’t exactly sweeping the nation, other centers are following suit. The centers even provide the brushes, caps and paste.
What to do: Enjoy the extra brushing! Even though the rule is to brush twice a day, in the morning and evening, some dentists also recommend a good cleaning after meals and snacks.
Your Child Might be Watching TV Your Child May Behave Very Differently at Daycare Than He Does at Home
What to do: Let everyone at the center know you want feedback -- good or bad. Otherwise, if the staff doesn't know you want details about tantrums, tears, or turmoil, you might be left in the dark.
Personnel have different shifts throughout the day, so you could drop off little Tommy smiling and placid, then and pick him up the same way -- but never talk to the staff member who, in the middle of the day, had to remove him from the lunch table because he didn’t like the color of his lunch-table chair. If she didn’t have time to write you a note describing the episode, you might never know about your kid's behavior glitches.
What to do: Let everyone at the center know you want feedback -- good or bad. Otherwise, if the staff doesn't know you want details about tantrums, tears, or turmoil, you might be left in the dark.
Some daycare centers don’t allow bottles or blankets because they carry germs, are extra things to keep track of and are often a crutch for socializing. Parents usually consider this a bonus -- and appreciate the help in weaning their kid off the ba-ba or paci completely.
What to do: Think your kid’s paci is a must-have transition tool that helps comfort him or her in your absence? Then be sure to inquire about or pick a daycare center that allows pacifiers, bottles, blankets or stuffies. However, try not to alleviate separation anxiety with a new item -- especially the paci -- it can be harder to give up as your kid gets older.
The Kids are Being Moved from Room to Room, So There is Never an Accurate Head Count Or a Consistent Student-to-Teacher Ratio Unmarked Matching Sippy Cups are Often Confused with Each Other and Mixed Up
That Separation Anxiety Your Daughter Exhibited When You First Dropped Her Off? Not Even an Afterthought
A Staffer Is Using Certain Religious Terms with Your Child, or Teaching Him Religious Values
Daycare Workers are Often Underpaid and Required to Do Additional Work, So There Maybe a High Turnover
Kids, especially young ones, often transfer feelings of affection from one person to another -- and the language that goes with it. If your children spend all day with someone who is feeding them, changing them, hugging them and treating their boo-boos, it’s perfectly normal for your child to attach the name usually reserved for that role -- “mommy” -- to that person. Often the daycare worker will be embarrassed that she’s been given this name, however, and forgo telling the parent.
What to do: Don’t take it personally. It doesn’t mean your child loves you less, or wants to pack a bag and move in with “Miss Kathy.” She may just be confused about who mommy really is. Consider it a bonus that your child is being well-cared for and loved.
Filed Under: child care, day care
You can sniff out a wet diaper -- or feel one -- almost upon impact, but in daycare your child might be sitting in a soggy nappie for an hour or two before it’s changed. Depending on the center, diapers may be changed every two to four hours -- which means if Little Mimi makes a wee-wee right after the Huggies have been checked, she’ll be damp for a while.
According to the medical journal, Infectious Diseases in Children, one-third of daycare facilities surveyed had "poor hand washing techniques and no policy for hand washing before eating or after playing outside." A sick child sucks his fingers (and who are we kidding? -- there are sick children in daycare), then puts those fingers on a toy, on a paintbrush, in the playdough, another child touches it and -- bingo! We’ve got a viral sniffle.
Stacey Bradford, a mother in New York City with two daughters, ages four and 10 months, discovered that her first daycare center was violating a state health code that limited each classroom to 10 children in the under-2 age group (ratios vary from state to state, and from at-home daycares to larger ones). “I realized that there were 18 children at times, but they were being moved from room to room so you couldn’t tell how many there were,” she says.
What to do: Drop in at unexpected times, without warning to check the ratio of your daycare. You can say, "I just wanted to say hi to Stella!" Count the teachers and the children in the room and if the numbers are out of whack, speak to the director. If the problem continues? Look elsewhere. “You can find quality places that will take care good of your child and follow the rules,” says Bradford.
Unmarked Matching Sippy Cups are Often Confused with Each Other and Mixed Up
Some centers provide sippy cups for the children to make it easier for parents to pack up and get out the door in the morning. Sometimes they're matching and unmarked. The toddler snack table can be chaotic sometimes, and another kid might pick up another child’s cup and take a sip -- and we all know how quickly an object can travel from a gimme-gimme hand to a drooling mouth.
What to do: Ask if you can leave a labeled cup at the school for your child (also offer to take it home at night to wash it). This will ensure that at the least your kid will be given the same cup every day. Now, if only we could control those little snatchers...
The person who took your crying, kicking child from your arms in the morning may not be the one who signs her out to you in the afternoon. So you wonder -- how long did the crying last? Often no time at all -- the minute you hit the door she was off playing and laughing with friends. You leave the daycare with the image of her forlorn face and end up thinking that's how she looks all day. When in fact she does an immediate 180 and plays her heart out until you pick her up.
What to do: Call the center when you get to work and ask how your kid is doing. Most of the time, you’ll hear that your child started whistling Dixie the minute you drove away. If not, you can continue to check in and won’t have to wonder.
A Staffer Is Using Certain Religious Terms with Your Child, or Teaching Him Religious Values Daycare Workers are Often Underpaid and Required to Do Additional Work, So There Maybe a High Turnover
What to do: Certain companies such as KinderView based in Boston, Mass., will place cameras in daycare centers that parents can watch from any computer during the day. Many daycares are welcoming these cameras into their centers because they put parents at ease, and parents enjoy the audio/visual connection they get. They are also able to spot any practices or behaviors that make them uncomfortable -- either from the staff or the children. Knowing you’re watching will put them on their best behavior, and make the staff more open to feedback. There might be a logical explanation or reason for any behavior you might find sketchy.
Daycare Workers are Often Underpaid and Required to Do Additional Work, So There Maybe a High Turnover
Daycare workers make an average of $7 to $10 per hour, less than their counterparts who participate in "back to college" programs, says Sara Lisa Raff, an educational consultant and early childhood education instructor for a “back to college” program. Raff says she sees very high turnover in childcare staff. “I knew of one daycare that had almost no cleaning staff and left the teachers to do much of the cleaning during after school hours,” she says.
What to do: The staff is arguably the most important factor when choosing a daycare. Talk to the director and all the personnel and ask how long they’ve been there, and get a feel for how much they really like their jobs. Ask if they give bonuses, their vacation and benefits policies and any other indications of morale. Based on their answers, you can decide if that specific daycare will give your child a sense of security and consistency.
MY THOUGHTS
i can imagine how difficult it could be to leave your child in the hands of stangers - even if they are professional hands. the advice in this article are meant to lessen our anxiety.it pays to take heed.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Children's Allowance: when and how to pay
Children’s Allowance: What and When to Pay
By Ray Martin | Jun 30, 2010 |
School’s out. Summer vacation means more trips to the movies, fun parks, and the malls. This also means a sudden spike in spending by children making these trips.
To help manage this, I am a big fan of paying an allowance. It’s also one of the best ways I know to engage children in the process of making good spending and saving decisions. An allowance can be a great tool to build a foundation for sound financial behavior in the future.
But if you do pay an allowance, what is the right amount to pay? What do you pay an allowance for? How often should you pay and when should you stop?
Of course, not all families provide an allowance. The decision to do so depends on personal and economic circumstances. I also respect the choice made by some families to not pay an allowance. Since there seems to be a wide variety of thoughts and opinions on this issue, it’s helpful to consider these things if you do provide an allowance or money to your kids:
Teaching Big Lessons with Small Money
One of the reasons to pay an allowance is to use it as a tool to engage children in the process of learning about spending, saving, and giving. Paying an allowance provides a way to get children involved and creates “ownership” of the decisions they make when it’s with their own money. It’s also important to look at an allowance as a tool to allow children to make some money mistakes. In fact, expect them to make some. In essence it is a way for them to learn big lessons with small amounts of money at an early age. It’s better to learn from money mistakes earlier with small amounts of money than to learn later in life when the amounts involved can be much larger.
When to Start
Most parents begin giving an allowance to their kids by age six to eight. But I say it’s the aptitude not the age that really matters. When your child begins to understand that money can be exchanged for things they want, then you will know it’s time to start discussing the concept of an allowance. Remember that money and paying for things is an abstract concept and some children will show an interest while others will not be so flexible. One of the benefits is that an allowance shifts the spending decisions from the parents to the children, particularly when it’s clearly communicated that the allowance is provided in lieu of the parents paying for the discretionary wants of their child.
What NOT to Pay For
It’s important to be aware of the behavior that this transaction can encourage. For example, if you pay your kids an allowance for doing household chores then what happens when they later begin to earn more money from a job outside the home? Is the only consequence for not doing chores the loss of an allowance? Experts agree that the reason for doing house work is the fulfillment of each individual’s responsibility as a household member, not an allowance.
Some parents think it’s a good idea to pay for good grades, which after all, is similar to how many adults are rewarded in their working lives. Again, most experts agree that paying for good grades is not a good idea and that this can undermine the virtue of self-improvement. A better consequence of a lack of effort on household chores or schoolwork should be the loss of privileges, not the loss of an allowance.
It’s also important to be consistent within the family. Paying a regular allowance to one child and handing over money whenever asked by another will foster different money habits between children in the same family.
What’s the Going Rate?
Surveys indicate that for over half of those children who report getting an allowance, the going rate is $5 to $20 per week. This site provides results of an ongoing survey that lists children’s allowance by age and gender.
The amount children are paid also increases with age. Start with smaller amounts with younger children and gradually raise the allowance each birthday. Amounts can also vary by the family’s economic situation. Children from families in areas where living costs or incomes are lower may receive lower amounts. Family size also matters. Where there are more kids, it may be impractical to pay “the going rate” to all children in a large family.
If you are paying an allowance in lieu of paying for some of your child’s discretionary expenses, a process to decide on the amount to pay is to estimate the cost of the things your child will assume the responsibility for, and base the allowance on the cost of these items. Approach this as a discussion of your child’s spending needs and work with them on a “spending budget” based on weekly or monthly expenses. This will prove to be an interesting conversation and both of you will need to come to an agreement on the final amount. This process helps to develop budgeting skills, teaches responsibility, and prepares them for the realities of personal money management.
To sum it up, here are a few simple but important rules for paying allowances:
Allowances DON’T’s:
Pay for household chores
Pay for grades or school work
Hold back as punishment
Allowances DO’s:
Explain and set Rules
Pay on schedule and on time
Allow for spending mistakes
MY THOUGHTS
"teaching big lessons with small money". i like that. i like that very much. reminds me of how much we learn from small things. of how much all those little things can make or break us. all those little things that we were mindful of. and of all those little things that we took for granted. at the end of the day, it really doesn't matter. life lessons are lessons. no matter how big. or small.
By Ray Martin | Jun 30, 2010 |
School’s out. Summer vacation means more trips to the movies, fun parks, and the malls. This also means a sudden spike in spending by children making these trips.
To help manage this, I am a big fan of paying an allowance. It’s also one of the best ways I know to engage children in the process of making good spending and saving decisions. An allowance can be a great tool to build a foundation for sound financial behavior in the future.
But if you do pay an allowance, what is the right amount to pay? What do you pay an allowance for? How often should you pay and when should you stop?
Of course, not all families provide an allowance. The decision to do so depends on personal and economic circumstances. I also respect the choice made by some families to not pay an allowance. Since there seems to be a wide variety of thoughts and opinions on this issue, it’s helpful to consider these things if you do provide an allowance or money to your kids:
Teaching Big Lessons with Small Money
One of the reasons to pay an allowance is to use it as a tool to engage children in the process of learning about spending, saving, and giving. Paying an allowance provides a way to get children involved and creates “ownership” of the decisions they make when it’s with their own money. It’s also important to look at an allowance as a tool to allow children to make some money mistakes. In fact, expect them to make some. In essence it is a way for them to learn big lessons with small amounts of money at an early age. It’s better to learn from money mistakes earlier with small amounts of money than to learn later in life when the amounts involved can be much larger.
When to Start
Most parents begin giving an allowance to their kids by age six to eight. But I say it’s the aptitude not the age that really matters. When your child begins to understand that money can be exchanged for things they want, then you will know it’s time to start discussing the concept of an allowance. Remember that money and paying for things is an abstract concept and some children will show an interest while others will not be so flexible. One of the benefits is that an allowance shifts the spending decisions from the parents to the children, particularly when it’s clearly communicated that the allowance is provided in lieu of the parents paying for the discretionary wants of their child.
What NOT to Pay For
It’s important to be aware of the behavior that this transaction can encourage. For example, if you pay your kids an allowance for doing household chores then what happens when they later begin to earn more money from a job outside the home? Is the only consequence for not doing chores the loss of an allowance? Experts agree that the reason for doing house work is the fulfillment of each individual’s responsibility as a household member, not an allowance.
Some parents think it’s a good idea to pay for good grades, which after all, is similar to how many adults are rewarded in their working lives. Again, most experts agree that paying for good grades is not a good idea and that this can undermine the virtue of self-improvement. A better consequence of a lack of effort on household chores or schoolwork should be the loss of privileges, not the loss of an allowance.
It’s also important to be consistent within the family. Paying a regular allowance to one child and handing over money whenever asked by another will foster different money habits between children in the same family.
What’s the Going Rate?
Surveys indicate that for over half of those children who report getting an allowance, the going rate is $5 to $20 per week. This site provides results of an ongoing survey that lists children’s allowance by age and gender.
The amount children are paid also increases with age. Start with smaller amounts with younger children and gradually raise the allowance each birthday. Amounts can also vary by the family’s economic situation. Children from families in areas where living costs or incomes are lower may receive lower amounts. Family size also matters. Where there are more kids, it may be impractical to pay “the going rate” to all children in a large family.
If you are paying an allowance in lieu of paying for some of your child’s discretionary expenses, a process to decide on the amount to pay is to estimate the cost of the things your child will assume the responsibility for, and base the allowance on the cost of these items. Approach this as a discussion of your child’s spending needs and work with them on a “spending budget” based on weekly or monthly expenses. This will prove to be an interesting conversation and both of you will need to come to an agreement on the final amount. This process helps to develop budgeting skills, teaches responsibility, and prepares them for the realities of personal money management.
To sum it up, here are a few simple but important rules for paying allowances:
Allowances DON’T’s:
Pay for household chores
Pay for grades or school work
Hold back as punishment
Allowances DO’s:
Explain and set Rules
Pay on schedule and on time
Allow for spending mistakes
MY THOUGHTS
"teaching big lessons with small money". i like that. i like that very much. reminds me of how much we learn from small things. of how much all those little things can make or break us. all those little things that we were mindful of. and of all those little things that we took for granted. at the end of the day, it really doesn't matter. life lessons are lessons. no matter how big. or small.
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