5 Ways Parents Can Help With Homework
Things Teachers Wish Parents Would Do to Help With Homework
By Amanda Morin, About.com Contributing Writer
It's not just your kids who need your help with homework; teachers need your help too. While you may have prepared at home by setting up a homework space, coming up with a homework plan and a plan to make sure it gets into the teacher's hands, there are a few other, more subtle things that your child's teacher needs you to do for homework to be successful.
What You Need to Know About Homework
•Read the homework policy. Teachers know that parents feel like they are drowning in all the paperwork that comes home from school and, if they can help it, won't add unnecessary notices to the pile. However, the homework policy is a memo that parents really ought to read to avoid questions and confusions further down the line. Homework policies outline the important details such as whether or not an assignment will be accepted late, what percentage of your child's grade is based on homework, what resources are considered acceptable for research or even whether assignments need to be written in pen or pencil.
•Ask your child daily about homework. Many students forget to write down homework assignments or wait until the last minute to complete a long-term project. Asking every day about your child's homework (and framing the question so you get more than "Yeah, I have homework") not only shows your child you're invested in his academic success, but also gives you a chance to run him back to school for books he may need, provide help with a tough assignment or help him plan out a schedule for approaching for a long-term project.
•Talk to the teacher if your child is spending too much time on or struggling with assignments. Believe it or not, your child's teacher doesn't want her to spend hours toiling over her homework. The assignment should, for the most part, be practicing a skill she's already learned, preparing for the next day's class or a test or working on a project that goes hand-in-hand with something being learned in class. Homework really shouldn't be that hard and if your child's teacher is sticking to the National Education Association's recommended 10-minute rule, shouldn't take much more than 10 minutes for each grade level she's finished. (i.e. first grade=10 minutes, second grade=20 minutes, etc.) If your child is struggling she may need some extra help or a specialized homework plan that reduces her amount of homework
•Supervise, brainstorm and encourage, but not create, your child's project. How many times have you seen a science fair project that you know is too sophisticated for a third grader to have done by himself? Your child's teacher has probably seen plenty of projects just like them. The point of a project is to teach students to plan, organize and present information all by themselves, not to have the best or most attractive finished product. It's okay to help come up with ideas and to buy supplies, but resist the urge to step in and simply be there for your child.
•Look over completed homework. This one's pretty self-explanatory. Check over your child's homework when he's done with it. The purpose is not only to make sure he's actually done it, but also to make sure it's been done well. Some children rush through assignments and make careless mistakes, while others may misunderstand the directions and do the assignment completely wrong. These are things a quick homework check can help to catch.
MY THOUGHTS
this is very important for us to realize. homeworks are supposed to be for the kids to practice what they already learned in school. teaching a new skill or principle is the teachers job. at home, we're supposed to provide more practice for retention. homeworks are alsoour windows to what's happening in school.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Tips for Families: what's happening at day care
12 Things That Happen at Daycare That You Don't Know About, Mom
Your Child May Be Calling the Daycare Teachers “Mommy”
Your Child May Sit in a Wet Diaper for Longer Than She’s Used To
Hand Washing is Less of a Rule, More of a Happenstance
Children May Be Getting Their Teeth Brushed After Meals
Your Child Might be Watching TV
Your Child May Behave Very Differently at Daycare Than He Does at Home
The Child Care Instructors Are Trying to Wean Your Child Off the Blanket, Paci or Bottle
The Kids are Being Moved from Room to Room, So There is Never an Accurate Head Count Or a Consistent Student-to-Teacher Ratio
Unmarked Matching Sippy Cups are Often Confused with Each Other and Mixed Up
That Separation Anxiety Your Daughter Exhibited When You First Dropped Her Off? Not Even an Afterthought
A Staffer Is Using Certain Religious Terms with Your Child, or Teaching Him Religious Values
Daycare Workers are Often Underpaid and Required to Do Additional Work, So There Maybe a High Turnover
Kids, especially young ones, often transfer feelings of affection from one person to another -- and the language that goes with it. If your children spend all day with someone who is feeding them, changing them, hugging them and treating their boo-boos, it’s perfectly normal for your child to attach the name usually reserved for that role -- “mommy” -- to that person. Often the daycare worker will be embarrassed that she’s been given this name, however, and forgo telling the parent.
What to do: Don’t take it personally. It doesn’t mean your child loves you less, or wants to pack a bag and move in with “Miss Kathy.” She may just be confused about who mommy really is. Consider it a bonus that your child is being well-cared for and loved.
You can sniff out a wet diaper -- or feel one -- almost upon impact, but in daycare your child might be sitting in a soggy nappie for an hour or two before it’s changed. Depending on the center, diapers may be changed every two to four hours -- which means if Little Mimi makes a wee-wee right after the Huggies have been checked, she’ll be damp for a while.
What to do: If your child is getting diaper rashes, your first line of defense is a heavy coating of diaper cream in the morning before drop off. Also, talk to your daycare provider -- often the changing schedules are simply guidelines, and the staff won’t mind giving your baby’s bum more frequent feel tests.
According to the medical journal, Infectious Diseases in Children, one-third of daycare facilities surveyed had "poor hand washing techniques and no policy for hand washing before eating or after playing outside." A sick child sucks his fingers (and who are we kidding? -- there are sick children in daycare), then puts those fingers on a toy, on a paintbrush, in the playdough, another child touches it and -- bingo! We’ve got a viral sniffle.
What to do: Inquire, inquire, inquire. Ask about hand-washing procedures and rules, and ask to see the sink where it all happens. Is there clean and available soap? Clean towels and proper waste disposal? Are workers required to wash hands after changing a diaper? Do the children scrub up before snacks and meals? There should be rules, and if there aren’t, offer to make some or ask that some be made.
Children May Be Getting Their Teeth Brushed After Meals Your Child Might be Watching TV
Your Child May Behave Very Differently at Daycare Than He Does at Home
In January, a Massachusetts law passed requiring daycare centers to help children brush their teeth after meals due to a recent study that found an increase in children's tooth decay. While the mandate isn’t exactly sweeping the nation, other centers are following suit. The centers even provide the brushes, caps and paste.
What to do: Enjoy the extra brushing! Even though the rule is to brush twice a day, in the morning and evening, some dentists also recommend a good cleaning after meals and snacks.
Your Child Might be Watching TV Your Child May Behave Very Differently at Daycare Than He Does at Home
What to do: Let everyone at the center know you want feedback -- good or bad. Otherwise, if the staff doesn't know you want details about tantrums, tears, or turmoil, you might be left in the dark.
Personnel have different shifts throughout the day, so you could drop off little Tommy smiling and placid, then and pick him up the same way -- but never talk to the staff member who, in the middle of the day, had to remove him from the lunch table because he didn’t like the color of his lunch-table chair. If she didn’t have time to write you a note describing the episode, you might never know about your kid's behavior glitches.
What to do: Let everyone at the center know you want feedback -- good or bad. Otherwise, if the staff doesn't know you want details about tantrums, tears, or turmoil, you might be left in the dark.
Some daycare centers don’t allow bottles or blankets because they carry germs, are extra things to keep track of and are often a crutch for socializing. Parents usually consider this a bonus -- and appreciate the help in weaning their kid off the ba-ba or paci completely.
What to do: Think your kid’s paci is a must-have transition tool that helps comfort him or her in your absence? Then be sure to inquire about or pick a daycare center that allows pacifiers, bottles, blankets or stuffies. However, try not to alleviate separation anxiety with a new item -- especially the paci -- it can be harder to give up as your kid gets older.
The Kids are Being Moved from Room to Room, So There is Never an Accurate Head Count Or a Consistent Student-to-Teacher Ratio Unmarked Matching Sippy Cups are Often Confused with Each Other and Mixed Up
That Separation Anxiety Your Daughter Exhibited When You First Dropped Her Off? Not Even an Afterthought
A Staffer Is Using Certain Religious Terms with Your Child, or Teaching Him Religious Values
Daycare Workers are Often Underpaid and Required to Do Additional Work, So There Maybe a High Turnover
Kids, especially young ones, often transfer feelings of affection from one person to another -- and the language that goes with it. If your children spend all day with someone who is feeding them, changing them, hugging them and treating their boo-boos, it’s perfectly normal for your child to attach the name usually reserved for that role -- “mommy” -- to that person. Often the daycare worker will be embarrassed that she’s been given this name, however, and forgo telling the parent.
What to do: Don’t take it personally. It doesn’t mean your child loves you less, or wants to pack a bag and move in with “Miss Kathy.” She may just be confused about who mommy really is. Consider it a bonus that your child is being well-cared for and loved.
Filed Under: child care, day care
You can sniff out a wet diaper -- or feel one -- almost upon impact, but in daycare your child might be sitting in a soggy nappie for an hour or two before it’s changed. Depending on the center, diapers may be changed every two to four hours -- which means if Little Mimi makes a wee-wee right after the Huggies have been checked, she’ll be damp for a while.
According to the medical journal, Infectious Diseases in Children, one-third of daycare facilities surveyed had "poor hand washing techniques and no policy for hand washing before eating or after playing outside." A sick child sucks his fingers (and who are we kidding? -- there are sick children in daycare), then puts those fingers on a toy, on a paintbrush, in the playdough, another child touches it and -- bingo! We’ve got a viral sniffle.
Stacey Bradford, a mother in New York City with two daughters, ages four and 10 months, discovered that her first daycare center was violating a state health code that limited each classroom to 10 children in the under-2 age group (ratios vary from state to state, and from at-home daycares to larger ones). “I realized that there were 18 children at times, but they were being moved from room to room so you couldn’t tell how many there were,” she says.
What to do: Drop in at unexpected times, without warning to check the ratio of your daycare. You can say, "I just wanted to say hi to Stella!" Count the teachers and the children in the room and if the numbers are out of whack, speak to the director. If the problem continues? Look elsewhere. “You can find quality places that will take care good of your child and follow the rules,” says Bradford.
Unmarked Matching Sippy Cups are Often Confused with Each Other and Mixed Up
Some centers provide sippy cups for the children to make it easier for parents to pack up and get out the door in the morning. Sometimes they're matching and unmarked. The toddler snack table can be chaotic sometimes, and another kid might pick up another child’s cup and take a sip -- and we all know how quickly an object can travel from a gimme-gimme hand to a drooling mouth.
What to do: Ask if you can leave a labeled cup at the school for your child (also offer to take it home at night to wash it). This will ensure that at the least your kid will be given the same cup every day. Now, if only we could control those little snatchers...
The person who took your crying, kicking child from your arms in the morning may not be the one who signs her out to you in the afternoon. So you wonder -- how long did the crying last? Often no time at all -- the minute you hit the door she was off playing and laughing with friends. You leave the daycare with the image of her forlorn face and end up thinking that's how she looks all day. When in fact she does an immediate 180 and plays her heart out until you pick her up.
What to do: Call the center when you get to work and ask how your kid is doing. Most of the time, you’ll hear that your child started whistling Dixie the minute you drove away. If not, you can continue to check in and won’t have to wonder.
A Staffer Is Using Certain Religious Terms with Your Child, or Teaching Him Religious Values Daycare Workers are Often Underpaid and Required to Do Additional Work, So There Maybe a High Turnover
What to do: Certain companies such as KinderView based in Boston, Mass., will place cameras in daycare centers that parents can watch from any computer during the day. Many daycares are welcoming these cameras into their centers because they put parents at ease, and parents enjoy the audio/visual connection they get. They are also able to spot any practices or behaviors that make them uncomfortable -- either from the staff or the children. Knowing you’re watching will put them on their best behavior, and make the staff more open to feedback. There might be a logical explanation or reason for any behavior you might find sketchy.
Daycare Workers are Often Underpaid and Required to Do Additional Work, So There Maybe a High Turnover
Daycare workers make an average of $7 to $10 per hour, less than their counterparts who participate in "back to college" programs, says Sara Lisa Raff, an educational consultant and early childhood education instructor for a “back to college” program. Raff says she sees very high turnover in childcare staff. “I knew of one daycare that had almost no cleaning staff and left the teachers to do much of the cleaning during after school hours,” she says.
What to do: The staff is arguably the most important factor when choosing a daycare. Talk to the director and all the personnel and ask how long they’ve been there, and get a feel for how much they really like their jobs. Ask if they give bonuses, their vacation and benefits policies and any other indications of morale. Based on their answers, you can decide if that specific daycare will give your child a sense of security and consistency.
MY THOUGHTS
i can imagine how difficult it could be to leave your child in the hands of stangers - even if they are professional hands. the advice in this article are meant to lessen our anxiety.it pays to take heed.
Your Child May Be Calling the Daycare Teachers “Mommy”
Your Child May Sit in a Wet Diaper for Longer Than She’s Used To
Hand Washing is Less of a Rule, More of a Happenstance
Children May Be Getting Their Teeth Brushed After Meals
Your Child Might be Watching TV
Your Child May Behave Very Differently at Daycare Than He Does at Home
The Child Care Instructors Are Trying to Wean Your Child Off the Blanket, Paci or Bottle
The Kids are Being Moved from Room to Room, So There is Never an Accurate Head Count Or a Consistent Student-to-Teacher Ratio
Unmarked Matching Sippy Cups are Often Confused with Each Other and Mixed Up
That Separation Anxiety Your Daughter Exhibited When You First Dropped Her Off? Not Even an Afterthought
A Staffer Is Using Certain Religious Terms with Your Child, or Teaching Him Religious Values
Daycare Workers are Often Underpaid and Required to Do Additional Work, So There Maybe a High Turnover
Kids, especially young ones, often transfer feelings of affection from one person to another -- and the language that goes with it. If your children spend all day with someone who is feeding them, changing them, hugging them and treating their boo-boos, it’s perfectly normal for your child to attach the name usually reserved for that role -- “mommy” -- to that person. Often the daycare worker will be embarrassed that she’s been given this name, however, and forgo telling the parent.
What to do: Don’t take it personally. It doesn’t mean your child loves you less, or wants to pack a bag and move in with “Miss Kathy.” She may just be confused about who mommy really is. Consider it a bonus that your child is being well-cared for and loved.
You can sniff out a wet diaper -- or feel one -- almost upon impact, but in daycare your child might be sitting in a soggy nappie for an hour or two before it’s changed. Depending on the center, diapers may be changed every two to four hours -- which means if Little Mimi makes a wee-wee right after the Huggies have been checked, she’ll be damp for a while.
What to do: If your child is getting diaper rashes, your first line of defense is a heavy coating of diaper cream in the morning before drop off. Also, talk to your daycare provider -- often the changing schedules are simply guidelines, and the staff won’t mind giving your baby’s bum more frequent feel tests.
According to the medical journal, Infectious Diseases in Children, one-third of daycare facilities surveyed had "poor hand washing techniques and no policy for hand washing before eating or after playing outside." A sick child sucks his fingers (and who are we kidding? -- there are sick children in daycare), then puts those fingers on a toy, on a paintbrush, in the playdough, another child touches it and -- bingo! We’ve got a viral sniffle.
What to do: Inquire, inquire, inquire. Ask about hand-washing procedures and rules, and ask to see the sink where it all happens. Is there clean and available soap? Clean towels and proper waste disposal? Are workers required to wash hands after changing a diaper? Do the children scrub up before snacks and meals? There should be rules, and if there aren’t, offer to make some or ask that some be made.
Children May Be Getting Their Teeth Brushed After Meals Your Child Might be Watching TV
Your Child May Behave Very Differently at Daycare Than He Does at Home
In January, a Massachusetts law passed requiring daycare centers to help children brush their teeth after meals due to a recent study that found an increase in children's tooth decay. While the mandate isn’t exactly sweeping the nation, other centers are following suit. The centers even provide the brushes, caps and paste.
What to do: Enjoy the extra brushing! Even though the rule is to brush twice a day, in the morning and evening, some dentists also recommend a good cleaning after meals and snacks.
Your Child Might be Watching TV Your Child May Behave Very Differently at Daycare Than He Does at Home
What to do: Let everyone at the center know you want feedback -- good or bad. Otherwise, if the staff doesn't know you want details about tantrums, tears, or turmoil, you might be left in the dark.
Personnel have different shifts throughout the day, so you could drop off little Tommy smiling and placid, then and pick him up the same way -- but never talk to the staff member who, in the middle of the day, had to remove him from the lunch table because he didn’t like the color of his lunch-table chair. If she didn’t have time to write you a note describing the episode, you might never know about your kid's behavior glitches.
What to do: Let everyone at the center know you want feedback -- good or bad. Otherwise, if the staff doesn't know you want details about tantrums, tears, or turmoil, you might be left in the dark.
Some daycare centers don’t allow bottles or blankets because they carry germs, are extra things to keep track of and are often a crutch for socializing. Parents usually consider this a bonus -- and appreciate the help in weaning their kid off the ba-ba or paci completely.
What to do: Think your kid’s paci is a must-have transition tool that helps comfort him or her in your absence? Then be sure to inquire about or pick a daycare center that allows pacifiers, bottles, blankets or stuffies. However, try not to alleviate separation anxiety with a new item -- especially the paci -- it can be harder to give up as your kid gets older.
The Kids are Being Moved from Room to Room, So There is Never an Accurate Head Count Or a Consistent Student-to-Teacher Ratio Unmarked Matching Sippy Cups are Often Confused with Each Other and Mixed Up
That Separation Anxiety Your Daughter Exhibited When You First Dropped Her Off? Not Even an Afterthought
A Staffer Is Using Certain Religious Terms with Your Child, or Teaching Him Religious Values
Daycare Workers are Often Underpaid and Required to Do Additional Work, So There Maybe a High Turnover
Kids, especially young ones, often transfer feelings of affection from one person to another -- and the language that goes with it. If your children spend all day with someone who is feeding them, changing them, hugging them and treating their boo-boos, it’s perfectly normal for your child to attach the name usually reserved for that role -- “mommy” -- to that person. Often the daycare worker will be embarrassed that she’s been given this name, however, and forgo telling the parent.
What to do: Don’t take it personally. It doesn’t mean your child loves you less, or wants to pack a bag and move in with “Miss Kathy.” She may just be confused about who mommy really is. Consider it a bonus that your child is being well-cared for and loved.
Filed Under: child care, day care
You can sniff out a wet diaper -- or feel one -- almost upon impact, but in daycare your child might be sitting in a soggy nappie for an hour or two before it’s changed. Depending on the center, diapers may be changed every two to four hours -- which means if Little Mimi makes a wee-wee right after the Huggies have been checked, she’ll be damp for a while.
According to the medical journal, Infectious Diseases in Children, one-third of daycare facilities surveyed had "poor hand washing techniques and no policy for hand washing before eating or after playing outside." A sick child sucks his fingers (and who are we kidding? -- there are sick children in daycare), then puts those fingers on a toy, on a paintbrush, in the playdough, another child touches it and -- bingo! We’ve got a viral sniffle.
Stacey Bradford, a mother in New York City with two daughters, ages four and 10 months, discovered that her first daycare center was violating a state health code that limited each classroom to 10 children in the under-2 age group (ratios vary from state to state, and from at-home daycares to larger ones). “I realized that there were 18 children at times, but they were being moved from room to room so you couldn’t tell how many there were,” she says.
What to do: Drop in at unexpected times, without warning to check the ratio of your daycare. You can say, "I just wanted to say hi to Stella!" Count the teachers and the children in the room and if the numbers are out of whack, speak to the director. If the problem continues? Look elsewhere. “You can find quality places that will take care good of your child and follow the rules,” says Bradford.
Unmarked Matching Sippy Cups are Often Confused with Each Other and Mixed Up
Some centers provide sippy cups for the children to make it easier for parents to pack up and get out the door in the morning. Sometimes they're matching and unmarked. The toddler snack table can be chaotic sometimes, and another kid might pick up another child’s cup and take a sip -- and we all know how quickly an object can travel from a gimme-gimme hand to a drooling mouth.
What to do: Ask if you can leave a labeled cup at the school for your child (also offer to take it home at night to wash it). This will ensure that at the least your kid will be given the same cup every day. Now, if only we could control those little snatchers...
The person who took your crying, kicking child from your arms in the morning may not be the one who signs her out to you in the afternoon. So you wonder -- how long did the crying last? Often no time at all -- the minute you hit the door she was off playing and laughing with friends. You leave the daycare with the image of her forlorn face and end up thinking that's how she looks all day. When in fact she does an immediate 180 and plays her heart out until you pick her up.
What to do: Call the center when you get to work and ask how your kid is doing. Most of the time, you’ll hear that your child started whistling Dixie the minute you drove away. If not, you can continue to check in and won’t have to wonder.
A Staffer Is Using Certain Religious Terms with Your Child, or Teaching Him Religious Values Daycare Workers are Often Underpaid and Required to Do Additional Work, So There Maybe a High Turnover
What to do: Certain companies such as KinderView based in Boston, Mass., will place cameras in daycare centers that parents can watch from any computer during the day. Many daycares are welcoming these cameras into their centers because they put parents at ease, and parents enjoy the audio/visual connection they get. They are also able to spot any practices or behaviors that make them uncomfortable -- either from the staff or the children. Knowing you’re watching will put them on their best behavior, and make the staff more open to feedback. There might be a logical explanation or reason for any behavior you might find sketchy.
Daycare Workers are Often Underpaid and Required to Do Additional Work, So There Maybe a High Turnover
Daycare workers make an average of $7 to $10 per hour, less than their counterparts who participate in "back to college" programs, says Sara Lisa Raff, an educational consultant and early childhood education instructor for a “back to college” program. Raff says she sees very high turnover in childcare staff. “I knew of one daycare that had almost no cleaning staff and left the teachers to do much of the cleaning during after school hours,” she says.
What to do: The staff is arguably the most important factor when choosing a daycare. Talk to the director and all the personnel and ask how long they’ve been there, and get a feel for how much they really like their jobs. Ask if they give bonuses, their vacation and benefits policies and any other indications of morale. Based on their answers, you can decide if that specific daycare will give your child a sense of security and consistency.
MY THOUGHTS
i can imagine how difficult it could be to leave your child in the hands of stangers - even if they are professional hands. the advice in this article are meant to lessen our anxiety.it pays to take heed.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Children's Allowance: when and how to pay
Children’s Allowance: What and When to Pay
By Ray Martin | Jun 30, 2010 |
School’s out. Summer vacation means more trips to the movies, fun parks, and the malls. This also means a sudden spike in spending by children making these trips.
To help manage this, I am a big fan of paying an allowance. It’s also one of the best ways I know to engage children in the process of making good spending and saving decisions. An allowance can be a great tool to build a foundation for sound financial behavior in the future.
But if you do pay an allowance, what is the right amount to pay? What do you pay an allowance for? How often should you pay and when should you stop?
Of course, not all families provide an allowance. The decision to do so depends on personal and economic circumstances. I also respect the choice made by some families to not pay an allowance. Since there seems to be a wide variety of thoughts and opinions on this issue, it’s helpful to consider these things if you do provide an allowance or money to your kids:
Teaching Big Lessons with Small Money
One of the reasons to pay an allowance is to use it as a tool to engage children in the process of learning about spending, saving, and giving. Paying an allowance provides a way to get children involved and creates “ownership” of the decisions they make when it’s with their own money. It’s also important to look at an allowance as a tool to allow children to make some money mistakes. In fact, expect them to make some. In essence it is a way for them to learn big lessons with small amounts of money at an early age. It’s better to learn from money mistakes earlier with small amounts of money than to learn later in life when the amounts involved can be much larger.
When to Start
Most parents begin giving an allowance to their kids by age six to eight. But I say it’s the aptitude not the age that really matters. When your child begins to understand that money can be exchanged for things they want, then you will know it’s time to start discussing the concept of an allowance. Remember that money and paying for things is an abstract concept and some children will show an interest while others will not be so flexible. One of the benefits is that an allowance shifts the spending decisions from the parents to the children, particularly when it’s clearly communicated that the allowance is provided in lieu of the parents paying for the discretionary wants of their child.
What NOT to Pay For
It’s important to be aware of the behavior that this transaction can encourage. For example, if you pay your kids an allowance for doing household chores then what happens when they later begin to earn more money from a job outside the home? Is the only consequence for not doing chores the loss of an allowance? Experts agree that the reason for doing house work is the fulfillment of each individual’s responsibility as a household member, not an allowance.
Some parents think it’s a good idea to pay for good grades, which after all, is similar to how many adults are rewarded in their working lives. Again, most experts agree that paying for good grades is not a good idea and that this can undermine the virtue of self-improvement. A better consequence of a lack of effort on household chores or schoolwork should be the loss of privileges, not the loss of an allowance.
It’s also important to be consistent within the family. Paying a regular allowance to one child and handing over money whenever asked by another will foster different money habits between children in the same family.
What’s the Going Rate?
Surveys indicate that for over half of those children who report getting an allowance, the going rate is $5 to $20 per week. This site provides results of an ongoing survey that lists children’s allowance by age and gender.
The amount children are paid also increases with age. Start with smaller amounts with younger children and gradually raise the allowance each birthday. Amounts can also vary by the family’s economic situation. Children from families in areas where living costs or incomes are lower may receive lower amounts. Family size also matters. Where there are more kids, it may be impractical to pay “the going rate” to all children in a large family.
If you are paying an allowance in lieu of paying for some of your child’s discretionary expenses, a process to decide on the amount to pay is to estimate the cost of the things your child will assume the responsibility for, and base the allowance on the cost of these items. Approach this as a discussion of your child’s spending needs and work with them on a “spending budget” based on weekly or monthly expenses. This will prove to be an interesting conversation and both of you will need to come to an agreement on the final amount. This process helps to develop budgeting skills, teaches responsibility, and prepares them for the realities of personal money management.
To sum it up, here are a few simple but important rules for paying allowances:
Allowances DON’T’s:
Pay for household chores
Pay for grades or school work
Hold back as punishment
Allowances DO’s:
Explain and set Rules
Pay on schedule and on time
Allow for spending mistakes
MY THOUGHTS
"teaching big lessons with small money". i like that. i like that very much. reminds me of how much we learn from small things. of how much all those little things can make or break us. all those little things that we were mindful of. and of all those little things that we took for granted. at the end of the day, it really doesn't matter. life lessons are lessons. no matter how big. or small.
By Ray Martin | Jun 30, 2010 |
School’s out. Summer vacation means more trips to the movies, fun parks, and the malls. This also means a sudden spike in spending by children making these trips.
To help manage this, I am a big fan of paying an allowance. It’s also one of the best ways I know to engage children in the process of making good spending and saving decisions. An allowance can be a great tool to build a foundation for sound financial behavior in the future.
But if you do pay an allowance, what is the right amount to pay? What do you pay an allowance for? How often should you pay and when should you stop?
Of course, not all families provide an allowance. The decision to do so depends on personal and economic circumstances. I also respect the choice made by some families to not pay an allowance. Since there seems to be a wide variety of thoughts and opinions on this issue, it’s helpful to consider these things if you do provide an allowance or money to your kids:
Teaching Big Lessons with Small Money
One of the reasons to pay an allowance is to use it as a tool to engage children in the process of learning about spending, saving, and giving. Paying an allowance provides a way to get children involved and creates “ownership” of the decisions they make when it’s with their own money. It’s also important to look at an allowance as a tool to allow children to make some money mistakes. In fact, expect them to make some. In essence it is a way for them to learn big lessons with small amounts of money at an early age. It’s better to learn from money mistakes earlier with small amounts of money than to learn later in life when the amounts involved can be much larger.
When to Start
Most parents begin giving an allowance to their kids by age six to eight. But I say it’s the aptitude not the age that really matters. When your child begins to understand that money can be exchanged for things they want, then you will know it’s time to start discussing the concept of an allowance. Remember that money and paying for things is an abstract concept and some children will show an interest while others will not be so flexible. One of the benefits is that an allowance shifts the spending decisions from the parents to the children, particularly when it’s clearly communicated that the allowance is provided in lieu of the parents paying for the discretionary wants of their child.
What NOT to Pay For
It’s important to be aware of the behavior that this transaction can encourage. For example, if you pay your kids an allowance for doing household chores then what happens when they later begin to earn more money from a job outside the home? Is the only consequence for not doing chores the loss of an allowance? Experts agree that the reason for doing house work is the fulfillment of each individual’s responsibility as a household member, not an allowance.
Some parents think it’s a good idea to pay for good grades, which after all, is similar to how many adults are rewarded in their working lives. Again, most experts agree that paying for good grades is not a good idea and that this can undermine the virtue of self-improvement. A better consequence of a lack of effort on household chores or schoolwork should be the loss of privileges, not the loss of an allowance.
It’s also important to be consistent within the family. Paying a regular allowance to one child and handing over money whenever asked by another will foster different money habits between children in the same family.
What’s the Going Rate?
Surveys indicate that for over half of those children who report getting an allowance, the going rate is $5 to $20 per week. This site provides results of an ongoing survey that lists children’s allowance by age and gender.
The amount children are paid also increases with age. Start with smaller amounts with younger children and gradually raise the allowance each birthday. Amounts can also vary by the family’s economic situation. Children from families in areas where living costs or incomes are lower may receive lower amounts. Family size also matters. Where there are more kids, it may be impractical to pay “the going rate” to all children in a large family.
If you are paying an allowance in lieu of paying for some of your child’s discretionary expenses, a process to decide on the amount to pay is to estimate the cost of the things your child will assume the responsibility for, and base the allowance on the cost of these items. Approach this as a discussion of your child’s spending needs and work with them on a “spending budget” based on weekly or monthly expenses. This will prove to be an interesting conversation and both of you will need to come to an agreement on the final amount. This process helps to develop budgeting skills, teaches responsibility, and prepares them for the realities of personal money management.
To sum it up, here are a few simple but important rules for paying allowances:
Allowances DON’T’s:
Pay for household chores
Pay for grades or school work
Hold back as punishment
Allowances DO’s:
Explain and set Rules
Pay on schedule and on time
Allow for spending mistakes
MY THOUGHTS
"teaching big lessons with small money". i like that. i like that very much. reminds me of how much we learn from small things. of how much all those little things can make or break us. all those little things that we were mindful of. and of all those little things that we took for granted. at the end of the day, it really doesn't matter. life lessons are lessons. no matter how big. or small.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Do You Make These Mistakes In Your Family Life?
Do You Make These Mistakes In Your Family Life?
One day, a friend came up to me with a problem.
Let’s call her Demanding Delia.
Delia was complaining about her husband to me. Next to watching Korean telenovelas, that was her favourite pastime. She said, “Bo, there’s not one romantic bone in my husband’s body. He doesn’t date me. He doesn’t give me flowers. Affection isn’t part of his vocabulary. Oh Bo, can you please talk to my husband?”
Delia is my friend and I could be very frank with her.
I said, “Delia, do you remember when you came to me 7 years ago?”
“I think I do remember,” she said.
“You were also complaining about your husband. You came to me, crying buckets of tears, because you discovered that he was having an affair.”
“Oh, yes…”
“It was the third time you caught him with another girl. And tell me if I’m right, I remember you were complaining that he was also an alcoholic and a gambler.”
“Uh-huh,” she nodded.
“But 6 years ago, God answered your prayer. Your husband came to our prayer meeting, gave his life to God, and is now serving in Church. Overnight, he gave up his girlfriends, his drinking, his smoking, and his gambling.”
“Yes, that was a miracle,” she said.
I told her, “Adultery is against the 6th commandment. Being unromantic isn’t. It’ll be great if he is, and you should tell him what you want. But I think right now, you need to lower your expectations. Accept him for who he is. Nagging him won’t work. Surrender him to God.”
That day, her husband became happier. Because Delia was no longer Demanding Delia but Delighted Delia. Delia made a very simple change in her attitude—but the impact on her relationship was powerful.
It’s these simple “actionable” changes that you’ll learn in my inspiring new book, How To Build A Happy Family, and my powerful video and audio course, Relationships Reborn.
I believe that after 7 sessions of listening to God’s Word about relationships, you’ll see your relationships dramatically change.
Why Only Now
For years, people have been asking me to write a book on family life. “Bo, we need it badly! Our friends need it badly!” they’d say.
But I felt it wasn’t yet the right time.
That is, until now.
Today, I feel I have the credibility.
I’m no longer speaking out of thin air. I’m not speaking from lofty theories, but from my firsthand, face-to-face, belly-to-belly, gritty, daily grind of being married to my beautiful wife of 12 years and raising two of the greatest boys on the planet.
And what have I learned?
That family life is like pushing a luggage cart overflowing with 3 suitcases and 4 balikbayan boxes, complete with a squeaky left wheel, up a steep ramp in the old Manila international airport. (Remember that one? I almost killed people there. I was moving down towards the parking lot. Soon, I no longer had control of my cargo. All my bags and boxes went tumbling down like rocks in a landslide. A poor nun in front of me almost went to Heaven, if she didn’t jump to the side.)
Friend, when it comes to your family, you need to keep pushing upwards. Everyday! You need to renew your family life.
Resting is not an option. The weight is too much. Soon, gravity will pull it going down.
The gravity of selfishness. Indifference. Or just the sheer gamut of distractions around you.
Let me show you a better way.
Get A Divine Porter
I’d like to teach you how to push upwards towards having a fantastic, wonderful, loving family.
Here’s the good news: You don’t have to push alone.
Soon, others in your family will push with you. As you change, in due time, they too will change.
And remember your porter beside you: God is pushing with you. He’s committed to your family. He will make you strong. He will guide your way.
May your dreams come true,
Bo Sanchez
MY THOUGHTS
"you need to keep pushing upward" and "you're not doing it alone". that's worth remembering - always. i don't know what i'd do without family but sometimes things get too much. and we can't let go. because that's the ony family we have. and the only ones who truly truly loves us unconditionally. apart from God.
One day, a friend came up to me with a problem.
Let’s call her Demanding Delia.
Delia was complaining about her husband to me. Next to watching Korean telenovelas, that was her favourite pastime. She said, “Bo, there’s not one romantic bone in my husband’s body. He doesn’t date me. He doesn’t give me flowers. Affection isn’t part of his vocabulary. Oh Bo, can you please talk to my husband?”
Delia is my friend and I could be very frank with her.
I said, “Delia, do you remember when you came to me 7 years ago?”
“I think I do remember,” she said.
“You were also complaining about your husband. You came to me, crying buckets of tears, because you discovered that he was having an affair.”
“Oh, yes…”
“It was the third time you caught him with another girl. And tell me if I’m right, I remember you were complaining that he was also an alcoholic and a gambler.”
“Uh-huh,” she nodded.
“But 6 years ago, God answered your prayer. Your husband came to our prayer meeting, gave his life to God, and is now serving in Church. Overnight, he gave up his girlfriends, his drinking, his smoking, and his gambling.”
“Yes, that was a miracle,” she said.
I told her, “Adultery is against the 6th commandment. Being unromantic isn’t. It’ll be great if he is, and you should tell him what you want. But I think right now, you need to lower your expectations. Accept him for who he is. Nagging him won’t work. Surrender him to God.”
That day, her husband became happier. Because Delia was no longer Demanding Delia but Delighted Delia. Delia made a very simple change in her attitude—but the impact on her relationship was powerful.
It’s these simple “actionable” changes that you’ll learn in my inspiring new book, How To Build A Happy Family, and my powerful video and audio course, Relationships Reborn.
I believe that after 7 sessions of listening to God’s Word about relationships, you’ll see your relationships dramatically change.
Why Only Now
For years, people have been asking me to write a book on family life. “Bo, we need it badly! Our friends need it badly!” they’d say.
But I felt it wasn’t yet the right time.
That is, until now.
Today, I feel I have the credibility.
I’m no longer speaking out of thin air. I’m not speaking from lofty theories, but from my firsthand, face-to-face, belly-to-belly, gritty, daily grind of being married to my beautiful wife of 12 years and raising two of the greatest boys on the planet.
And what have I learned?
That family life is like pushing a luggage cart overflowing with 3 suitcases and 4 balikbayan boxes, complete with a squeaky left wheel, up a steep ramp in the old Manila international airport. (Remember that one? I almost killed people there. I was moving down towards the parking lot. Soon, I no longer had control of my cargo. All my bags and boxes went tumbling down like rocks in a landslide. A poor nun in front of me almost went to Heaven, if she didn’t jump to the side.)
Friend, when it comes to your family, you need to keep pushing upwards. Everyday! You need to renew your family life.
Resting is not an option. The weight is too much. Soon, gravity will pull it going down.
The gravity of selfishness. Indifference. Or just the sheer gamut of distractions around you.
Let me show you a better way.
Get A Divine Porter
I’d like to teach you how to push upwards towards having a fantastic, wonderful, loving family.
Here’s the good news: You don’t have to push alone.
Soon, others in your family will push with you. As you change, in due time, they too will change.
And remember your porter beside you: God is pushing with you. He’s committed to your family. He will make you strong. He will guide your way.
May your dreams come true,
Bo Sanchez
MY THOUGHTS
"you need to keep pushing upward" and "you're not doing it alone". that's worth remembering - always. i don't know what i'd do without family but sometimes things get too much. and we can't let go. because that's the ony family we have. and the only ones who truly truly loves us unconditionally. apart from God.
Friday, June 18, 2010
lessons from our fathers
Lessons from My Father
By Craig Robinson
Father's Day, Craig Robinson, author of The Challenge of the Game and brother to first lady Michelle Obama, reflects on what it means to be a father and the lessons his father passed down.
This is my 18th year celebrating Father's Day as a father, made even more special due to the recent birth of my third child. When I'm not thinking about how quickly the time has gone, I find myself reminiscing about my own father, Fraser Robinson III. Along with the role of father, he was my first coach, my first teacher and my first mentor.
He was the one who taught me how to throw my first curveball, shared with me his top secret, "un-returnable" pingpong serve—only to be used in dire situations—and showed me how to shoot a basketball with either hand. But his lessons weren't limited to athletic endeavors. He showed me how to make a bed like a soldier, how to drive defensively and courteously and how to create a habit of saving, even on the meager salary he made.
I can still remember the day he brought home his month's salary in a stack of cash. I thought we were rich! Then, slowly but carefully, my father used envelopes to show me how he paid the bills. Soon enough, there was just $20 left to the stack, and my father explained that this was how he took care of our family's affection for take-out or a trip to the drive-in now and then. It became clear to me that my parents made many sacrifices to make the lives of my sister, Michelle, and I as secure and comfortable as possible—going so far as to finance both of our Ivy League educations solely on credit cards.
Some of my father's most important lessons were simply taught by example. The less tangible lessons of hard work, discipline and character were evident in his daily life. Getting up and out for work every day with no complaints and in spite of his ongoing battle with multiple sclerosis. The grace with which he acted as family patriarch dealing with problems and doling out advice without ever being patronizing or appearing put upon. The chivalry he showed my mother. He showed me that a real man takes care of his family.
The patience, courtesy and love my father showed my sister, mother and myself was extended to everyone he met. He is with me every time I hold a door open for my wife, sit down to answer a question from one of my children or offer advice to a member of my team. When I was younger, I would try to emulate my father, down to the limp he sported due to his illness. On this Father's Day, I realize that I have been trying to emulate his parenting all these years. I can only hope that my children can learn half as much from me as I learned from him.
On this day that we honor fathers, let us pay tribute not just to our fathers and grandfathers, but to all of the important influences in our lives. And for those of us who are lucky enough to be fathers, let us remember that there is no end to the lessons we have to teach and to learn.
MY THOUGHTS
My father was always away - working! maybe that's what we learned the most from him - sacrificing the self for the love of family, for that desire to make things better for your kids, for being away so that we have food on the table and money for tuition fee, for not being there so we can get to experience life as they never did. the times we spent with our dad was not as much as we would have wanted. but the times he worked for us cannot be accounted for. we are who we are now because of our "tata" and our "nana". yes, we are lucky to be their kids.
By Craig Robinson
Father's Day, Craig Robinson, author of The Challenge of the Game and brother to first lady Michelle Obama, reflects on what it means to be a father and the lessons his father passed down.
This is my 18th year celebrating Father's Day as a father, made even more special due to the recent birth of my third child. When I'm not thinking about how quickly the time has gone, I find myself reminiscing about my own father, Fraser Robinson III. Along with the role of father, he was my first coach, my first teacher and my first mentor.
He was the one who taught me how to throw my first curveball, shared with me his top secret, "un-returnable" pingpong serve—only to be used in dire situations—and showed me how to shoot a basketball with either hand. But his lessons weren't limited to athletic endeavors. He showed me how to make a bed like a soldier, how to drive defensively and courteously and how to create a habit of saving, even on the meager salary he made.
I can still remember the day he brought home his month's salary in a stack of cash. I thought we were rich! Then, slowly but carefully, my father used envelopes to show me how he paid the bills. Soon enough, there was just $20 left to the stack, and my father explained that this was how he took care of our family's affection for take-out or a trip to the drive-in now and then. It became clear to me that my parents made many sacrifices to make the lives of my sister, Michelle, and I as secure and comfortable as possible—going so far as to finance both of our Ivy League educations solely on credit cards.
Some of my father's most important lessons were simply taught by example. The less tangible lessons of hard work, discipline and character were evident in his daily life. Getting up and out for work every day with no complaints and in spite of his ongoing battle with multiple sclerosis. The grace with which he acted as family patriarch dealing with problems and doling out advice without ever being patronizing or appearing put upon. The chivalry he showed my mother. He showed me that a real man takes care of his family.
The patience, courtesy and love my father showed my sister, mother and myself was extended to everyone he met. He is with me every time I hold a door open for my wife, sit down to answer a question from one of my children or offer advice to a member of my team. When I was younger, I would try to emulate my father, down to the limp he sported due to his illness. On this Father's Day, I realize that I have been trying to emulate his parenting all these years. I can only hope that my children can learn half as much from me as I learned from him.
On this day that we honor fathers, let us pay tribute not just to our fathers and grandfathers, but to all of the important influences in our lives. And for those of us who are lucky enough to be fathers, let us remember that there is no end to the lessons we have to teach and to learn.
MY THOUGHTS
My father was always away - working! maybe that's what we learned the most from him - sacrificing the self for the love of family, for that desire to make things better for your kids, for being away so that we have food on the table and money for tuition fee, for not being there so we can get to experience life as they never did. the times we spent with our dad was not as much as we would have wanted. but the times he worked for us cannot be accounted for. we are who we are now because of our "tata" and our "nana". yes, we are lucky to be their kids.
Friday, May 21, 2010
Facebook Etiquette for Parents
Facebook Etiquette for Parents
5 Tips to Keep Your College Kid or Teen From Unfriending You
By Jackie Burrell, About.com Guide
Social networking is a huge part of teens, tweens and 20somethings' worlds - and, increasingly, their parents' lives too. Here are five Facebook faux pas to avoid, so your children don't "unfriend" you or join an "OMG - My mom friended me" support group.
•Friends: The basic structure of a social network revolves around friends. You invite someone to be your friend, thereby granting access to your profile, photo albums and Facebook "wall," a discussion board where any friend can post comments. On Facebook, a friend invitation can be accepted, declined, ignored or accepted in limited fashion - the new friend can see some, but not all of what's there. Avoid hurt feelings by talking to your kids before you try to "friend" them. Do not try to friend their friends. Let them come to you.
•Walls: Exercise discretion. If you wouldn't say it in front of your child's peers, don't post it on his wall. Wishing someone "Happy Birthday" on his wall is fine. Commenting on his appearance, friends or embarrassing antics from the past? No.
•Groups: Facebook members can join fun little groups of like-minded souls - people who love the same bands, went to the same school or adore Harry Potter - and you can too. Just remember that the decision to join a Facebook group can be inspired by irony, philosophy or simply, "the cool girl next door invited me." Don't overreact when you notice your child just joined the "Marijuana is awesome" group - and remember that the comments you post on group discussion boards can be read by anyone.
•Pokes, Karma and Gifts: Part of the fun of Facebook involves poking people - a little note is sent to the recipient that says "You've been poked. Do you want to poke back?" - and exchanging virtual gifts, Karma points and similar lighthearted activities. You can take quizzes ("Which Disney Princess are you?"), outfit an eco-friendly green plot, or play Roshambo. Caveats: Do not send your child or your child's friends anything racy or alcohol-related. The gift may not be real, but everyone can see it and draw embarrassing conclusions. It's also not cool to invite your child or your child's friends to take the "What's your kissing style?" quiz.
•Don't Embarrass Your Kid: You've lectured your child on the dangers of posting pictures of keggers. Take the same advice yourself. Don't post humiliating or ill-advised photos. Don't post that adorable shot of junior, naked, on a bearskin rug at age 2. The moment you "tag" him - identify him - in a Facebook photo, his friends all get a note that says there's a new photo of him online. And when it comes to photos of yourself, remember it's not just your child's college administrators and prospective employers vetting online sites. Your boss may be looking too.
MY THOUGHTS
"Don't embarass your kids" and don;t embarass yourself. This facebook thing is so easy to use. we can get really caught up and careless. some lines need to be drawn - that's for sure - kids or no kids.
5 Tips to Keep Your College Kid or Teen From Unfriending You
By Jackie Burrell, About.com Guide
Social networking is a huge part of teens, tweens and 20somethings' worlds - and, increasingly, their parents' lives too. Here are five Facebook faux pas to avoid, so your children don't "unfriend" you or join an "OMG - My mom friended me" support group.
•Friends: The basic structure of a social network revolves around friends. You invite someone to be your friend, thereby granting access to your profile, photo albums and Facebook "wall," a discussion board where any friend can post comments. On Facebook, a friend invitation can be accepted, declined, ignored or accepted in limited fashion - the new friend can see some, but not all of what's there. Avoid hurt feelings by talking to your kids before you try to "friend" them. Do not try to friend their friends. Let them come to you.
•Walls: Exercise discretion. If you wouldn't say it in front of your child's peers, don't post it on his wall. Wishing someone "Happy Birthday" on his wall is fine. Commenting on his appearance, friends or embarrassing antics from the past? No.
•Groups: Facebook members can join fun little groups of like-minded souls - people who love the same bands, went to the same school or adore Harry Potter - and you can too. Just remember that the decision to join a Facebook group can be inspired by irony, philosophy or simply, "the cool girl next door invited me." Don't overreact when you notice your child just joined the "Marijuana is awesome" group - and remember that the comments you post on group discussion boards can be read by anyone.
•Pokes, Karma and Gifts: Part of the fun of Facebook involves poking people - a little note is sent to the recipient that says "You've been poked. Do you want to poke back?" - and exchanging virtual gifts, Karma points and similar lighthearted activities. You can take quizzes ("Which Disney Princess are you?"), outfit an eco-friendly green plot, or play Roshambo. Caveats: Do not send your child or your child's friends anything racy or alcohol-related. The gift may not be real, but everyone can see it and draw embarrassing conclusions. It's also not cool to invite your child or your child's friends to take the "What's your kissing style?" quiz.
•Don't Embarrass Your Kid: You've lectured your child on the dangers of posting pictures of keggers. Take the same advice yourself. Don't post humiliating or ill-advised photos. Don't post that adorable shot of junior, naked, on a bearskin rug at age 2. The moment you "tag" him - identify him - in a Facebook photo, his friends all get a note that says there's a new photo of him online. And when it comes to photos of yourself, remember it's not just your child's college administrators and prospective employers vetting online sites. Your boss may be looking too.
MY THOUGHTS
"Don't embarass your kids" and don;t embarass yourself. This facebook thing is so easy to use. we can get really caught up and careless. some lines need to be drawn - that's for sure - kids or no kids.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
5 tips for single moms
Single Like Sandra? Advice for Parenting Alone
by Susanna Schrobsdorff
Like lots of single moms, Sandra Bullock started out married and not intending to raise a child on her own. But in March, when the tabloids revealed that her husband, Jesse James, was a serial cheater, the Oscar winner found herself in the middle of an adoption and a messy divorce. Unlike Angelina Jolie, who went through the same double whammy in 2002 when she adopted son Maddox just after breaking up with husband Billy Bob Thornton, Bullock managed to keep her 3 ½-month-old son, Louis Bardo Bullock, a secret from legions of reporters for months.
But when People debuted the new mom and baby on their cover this week, Sandy’s secret was out. And while most single mothers aren’t stalked by the media and don’t have a celebrity-size budget for nannies and housekeepers, Sandy will still need some serious girlfriend advice from women who know what it’s like to raise kids on their own. (Unless, of course, she follows the Jolie model and ends up with a superdad like Brad Pitt.) Until then, here are top five tips for solo parenting from a mom who's been there before:
1. Open up. Shamelessly pursue friendships with other moms in the same situation. You need at least one friend who truly gets what life is like as a single mom. If you see someone on your child’s school or daycare phone list who has different addresses for each parent, schedule a play date and chat. And check iVillage’s online message boards devoted to single parenthood.
2. Lower your standards. Not for men, but for yourself. Lots of single moms feel like they have to be twice as good of a parent because they’re alone. They put too much pressure on themselves to do everything right to make up for a missing parent. The problem is that there’s no system or checklist that will enable you to be two people at once. You can be one great parent with kids who know they are loved, even if Mom didn’t have time to make something for the school potluck. Accept that, and you’ll have a bit more peace.
3. Find a fairy godmother. If you don’t have family nearby, remember there are people in your life who would love a child to spoil or mentor. Nurture your child’s relationships with these trusted friends who can offer a different outlook on the world. Don’t push, but if someone offers to “babysit,” say, sure—but make it more like a play date. Suggest a movie and pay for it. If things go well, they’ll ask again. You’ll get a break, and your kid gets to bond with someone you respect and like. (Just remember to have your child say thank you in some form.)
4. Date discreetly. For single moms who want to date, life can be a logistical and moral minefield. When do you introduce a guy to the kids? Is it after three dates? Three months? What about grownup sleepovers? Yikes. There’s no rule for this except one: If you can, wait until you’re in a truly committed relationship. There’s no need to remind a single mom that any kid of divorce will be sensitive to breakups, so the fewer of them they witness, the better.
5. Start watching The Brady Bunch reruns. The reality is, if you’re single with kids, many of the guys you’re dating are likely to also be single with kids. This means that you could easily go from being a single mom of two kids to being part of a couple with five kids, at least some of the time depending on the custody arrangements. The good news is you won’t be alone scraping Play-Doh off the couch—the bad news is, there will likely be more of it.
MY THOUGHTS
It's definitely not easy but like everythig else, there are ways of dealing with single parenthood.
by Susanna Schrobsdorff
Like lots of single moms, Sandra Bullock started out married and not intending to raise a child on her own. But in March, when the tabloids revealed that her husband, Jesse James, was a serial cheater, the Oscar winner found herself in the middle of an adoption and a messy divorce. Unlike Angelina Jolie, who went through the same double whammy in 2002 when she adopted son Maddox just after breaking up with husband Billy Bob Thornton, Bullock managed to keep her 3 ½-month-old son, Louis Bardo Bullock, a secret from legions of reporters for months.
But when People debuted the new mom and baby on their cover this week, Sandy’s secret was out. And while most single mothers aren’t stalked by the media and don’t have a celebrity-size budget for nannies and housekeepers, Sandy will still need some serious girlfriend advice from women who know what it’s like to raise kids on their own. (Unless, of course, she follows the Jolie model and ends up with a superdad like Brad Pitt.) Until then, here are top five tips for solo parenting from a mom who's been there before:
1. Open up. Shamelessly pursue friendships with other moms in the same situation. You need at least one friend who truly gets what life is like as a single mom. If you see someone on your child’s school or daycare phone list who has different addresses for each parent, schedule a play date and chat. And check iVillage’s online message boards devoted to single parenthood.
2. Lower your standards. Not for men, but for yourself. Lots of single moms feel like they have to be twice as good of a parent because they’re alone. They put too much pressure on themselves to do everything right to make up for a missing parent. The problem is that there’s no system or checklist that will enable you to be two people at once. You can be one great parent with kids who know they are loved, even if Mom didn’t have time to make something for the school potluck. Accept that, and you’ll have a bit more peace.
3. Find a fairy godmother. If you don’t have family nearby, remember there are people in your life who would love a child to spoil or mentor. Nurture your child’s relationships with these trusted friends who can offer a different outlook on the world. Don’t push, but if someone offers to “babysit,” say, sure—but make it more like a play date. Suggest a movie and pay for it. If things go well, they’ll ask again. You’ll get a break, and your kid gets to bond with someone you respect and like. (Just remember to have your child say thank you in some form.)
4. Date discreetly. For single moms who want to date, life can be a logistical and moral minefield. When do you introduce a guy to the kids? Is it after three dates? Three months? What about grownup sleepovers? Yikes. There’s no rule for this except one: If you can, wait until you’re in a truly committed relationship. There’s no need to remind a single mom that any kid of divorce will be sensitive to breakups, so the fewer of them they witness, the better.
5. Start watching The Brady Bunch reruns. The reality is, if you’re single with kids, many of the guys you’re dating are likely to also be single with kids. This means that you could easily go from being a single mom of two kids to being part of a couple with five kids, at least some of the time depending on the custody arrangements. The good news is you won’t be alone scraping Play-Doh off the couch—the bad news is, there will likely be more of it.
MY THOUGHTS
It's definitely not easy but like everythig else, there are ways of dealing with single parenthood.
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